SGH appt tadi. Kena marah by the doctor, whahwhawha. For not having a healthy lifestyle, for not eating vegetables and enough fruits and drinking enough water, for reading in the toilet, etc etc.

I got medicine which taste like seawater. Made me puke instead of breaking tadi.

--

I have a lot of things to blog about lah, tapi somehow nothing in my brain right now.

So i shall blog again later.

--

stupid pix of me and Mazreen taken last Sunday

so my lesbo partner Farah managed to get tickets to the SG Idols finals on wednesday. and being the darling that she is, she is bringing me :) I love you so much Farah.

ok actually honestly speaking I'm not really into Singapore Idol show ni. Cuma kadang2 tengok Taufik sing well, then I would vote. (More honestly speaking, it's because I want a melayu to win.. but then he sings way better than Sly) So today in one of our email exchanges coz we were bored, Farah casually fitted in a "aku ada ticket sg Idols. kau nak go?"

aper lagi. pergi lah. called her just now and we already decided on mode of transport and what to wear. One of us is wearing purple and another one will wear yellow. And our tudungs will have TAUFIK all over it. Farah was babbling about some kuehs and air oren tadi, tak dengar sangat ah.. but then she always babbles incoherently so let her be. haha.

alalala. Farah is the sweetest. i love you lah. we shall go crazy over Taufik ok in our part barney / part bananas-in-pajamas outfit. hehe.

(just fyi, that colour coordination was thought of by Farah who claimed that yellow + purple will make us stand out amongst the audience.)

so yeah. interesting info for the day.

--

So recap.

Yesterday I went jalan hari raya with Mazreen. To his sisters' houses. Actually on Saturday night we sort of planned matching outfits (wahwhahwha. kental eh) He was supposed to wear green baju kurung, complete dgn kain samping (sp?) and I was supposed to wear my green kebaya. Then I decided not to yesterday. Panicked that we would look too alike, too coupleish, too kental.. altho deep down I thought it was fun. Hahaha. So I wore yellow with yellowishgreen kain. (Pics will be up soon)

Pergi rumah Kak Lin. Was there for 2 hours. Kak Lin's MIL, who is Nenek's close friend, came abt an hour after we reached, and she remembers my name! Funky.

Played XBox at her house, of all things. Mazreen challenge ('chelen') me to play it.. so terpaksa play. Haha. Looked at his baby pics also. (Masha'Allah. so gorgeous. Macam budak cina tapi mata besar and chubby cheeks.) Then went to 2 other sisters house, then home.


3 rounds. hurhur.



There's more things I want to share here, tapi macam malas to type. So later tonight I blog again la. With the pics and all.

--

Mazreen's bestpren tengah cari kerja as a technician. Anyone know of any job openings, please tag or email me. Very much appreciated. Thank you :)

You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint. What your feelings tell you is just as important to you. In fact, you feel it is important to have dreams in life, too.

You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality. You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.

- from a personality quiz that Mazreen sent to me.

--

I bloghopped to a site where the blogger was talking abt something she heard on radio. Apparently a mother called in to one of the malay radio stations and asked for advice, said her daughter is in love with this guy who is neither working nor schooling and so the girl has to support the guy financially, including buying his cigarettes. The mom tried to adv the girl but instead the girl ran away and called home to say that she'll only come home if and when the mom accepts the guy.

So the mom went to meet the guy's parents, and the guy's mom suggested marriage but without hantaran and the usual stuff la. The girl's mom is now confused about what to do. So this blogger posted her opinions on what the people in this problematic scenario should do. (nak baca, go to her site and read ok. the link is above - see the pink site thing? its there)

Ok I actually wanted to post my opinions but I realised I don't really have one.

Maybe the mom should find out if the guy is doing anything to help him out of his situation. maybe dia tengah cari kerja eh? Orang yg tengah cari kerja ni kan, kesian tau. You would depend on anyone at all - so kalau at that time you're lucky you have a gf / bf, depend on him or her lah. Aper kisah malu ke tak. Nanti dah dapat kerja, belanja makan, or treat him for 3 months or something.

Someone (forgot who) did mention to me the other day that money matters shouldn't be an important issue btwn couples anyway. (if u communicate btwn both of u abt it, it shd be ok la) But pakai otak a bit lah right, keep it to yourself and him only.. as in, in the relationship ajer. Jangan bilang the whole wide world - coz people only know how to judge, even if they say they don't judge. They dunno what's really happening in the relationship coz they are not in it.

Ok move on. Maybe the mom should find out what's the guy's doing - as in tengah cari kerja ke tak. The girl should start using her brain and act like a mature adult. For her sake I hope the guy is looking for a job so it shows that he's quite responsible. If he's not looking for a job, then I hope she knows what she's in for. Every girl needs a responsible guy. Like my dad likes to say, love can't feed you.

(sudden flash of thought: some girls like their guys to lead them, while some prefer to lead the guys. thought about it for a second and I think I want to be equal with my guy. lead and be led. heh, that was a kental thought.)

--

Watched The Incredibles last night with Aisyah & Liza, my 2 younger sisters, and Mazreen, and his 3 nephews & nieces, Raihanah Hafiz & Hakim. Masuk into the theatre, tengok kecoh trying to arrange the seats, sekali I heard an unfamiliar female voice calling my name.

oh! it was Hawa. Banyak anak kau, dia kata.

me: A'ah. Aku kan sekarang mcm ppuan dah tua, anak ramai. eh, Hawa *points to M* Mazreen.

Hawa: A'ah aku nampak. *she smiles at him*

and the bf so shy smiled back at her. (Lydia once told me dia terkejut tengok si Mazreen mcm dah tukar sekarang - dulu masa primary school kan kecoh semacam. Sekarang malu semacam.)

Then the seats were arranged, I found myself sitting in btwn Liza and Mazreen (woohoo!) Movie was ok-ish. Quite funny at some parts, esp masa the baby turned into a little devil. And I like that mini cartoon by Pixar at the beginning.

(But please ok people, don't watch at TM - GV. Damns cold seh the aircon.)

Balik and watched Survivor instead. Smlm my colleague asked me if I still watch Survivor. I said not anymore ah (but my reason is that I think it's getting a bit boring already.) Sekali my colleague say what tau... Ya lah, got boyfriend no need to watch tv right. See his face only enough already. laugh laugh laugh.

Hehehe. Btwn watching tv and watching M's face, of course I would choose M's face. Facial expressions dia lagi kelakar dari all the Friend's episodes put together.

Anyhoos. Speaking of survivor. Semalam was the episode where they called a loved one of each survivor to the show. Got me thinking (nowadays macam a lot of thoughts in my head).. who would I ask to come to the show to ease my pain of missing home?

kalau boleh choose 5 orang (hahah), I would call my parents & 2 sisters & Mazreen. Kalau satu orang ajer kan.... I think I would choose either Aisyah or Mazreen. Not my parents coz, although I would be missing them so much, I can't tell them to pass on loveydovey messages to Mazreen. Aisyah is a good messenger, thanks to msn agaknya. (geddit? hurhur)

So yeah. I think it will be either Aisyah or Mazreen. Tapi kalau Mazreen, nanti masa dia kena go off from the island, I think i will be sobbing like one mad woman on the shore and then I would swim twds him on the boat and we would sail twds the sunset lovingly together.

hehe. merepekness la. but yeah I think I would choose mazreen and then instruct him to bring ultra-recent photos of my family and then I would pass back letters to them. Then, because I'm on survivor, I can do all those survivor way of expressing happiness and whatnots and ruuuuuun twds the loved one screaming "I miss you! Oh! I love you!" and jump into his arms and cry and hug and whatever else.

(Tapi kalau Aisyah, I don't think I will be doing above-mentioned. We'll walk twds each other like Christina Aguilera & Nelly in their latest duet Above my head or Look at my head or whatever tu)

so who will you choose to come visit you on whichever island Survivor is played at? Pls tag :)
(if there's anyone still reading this long merepek post til here. hehehe)

--

Today going jalan hari raya with my family to go to the remaining houses over at the west side (mcm hiphop ish gitu eh cakap west side.) Tmrw going to Mazreen's sister's house.

Mazreen is now at his friend's funeral. Semalam meninggal, moto accident at Changi nearby carpark F2, wherever that is at.

dengan penuh kegembiraan I found out that TP offers certs in shipping stuff! I've been wanting to take shipping courses since ages ago (actually since masa baru2 start kerja kat sini) tapi procastination plus the fact that I didn't want to take it under some funky private school somehow mcm turns me off kan. So anyhoos, while doing some surfing (of the net) I found out that TP offers these certificates!

(altho actually the ones that they showed in there was for July 2004 punyer, but hopefully they have it yearly or something. and hopefully this company I'm working for will offer to pay for it. Insya'Allah. hehe)

--

heard that the nurse is continueing her studies. and i expect people to think that I'm jealous or something coz somehow people always think we are competing against each other over everything (bfs included, as she would like to think and accuse me. but please. no thank you. my bf is perfect.)

i'm not anything. dia masuk mana-mana ke, dia nak kawin ke, dia nak pindah pergi Turkey ke, dia nak aper ke, tu dia punyer pasal. I would want nothing to do with her, nor know what's happening to her, it's scary the way she will go all out to spoil someone's name.

It's the same as with another friend I used to have. these kind of people are not worth knowing, coz they will just somehow help to mess up your life.

--

Uncle Jan is here at my house, jalan hari raya. Expecting kak Ayumi to come later. Mazreen's coming over to take some papers I printed out for him to present to his camp tmrw.

and wooohooo! he's online now! after MONTHS of not chatting on MSN, he's finally online and we can finally chat!!

so dah, I'm done blogging for tonight.

So... more and more people I know are coming here. Funkiness.

Not that it's bad, I don't mind it actually. *shrugs* I mean, if you pandai sangat pergi buat journal online mcm ni, mesti lah kena pandai tahan everybody reading about your life kan.

but...

tak tau ah. Mcm kelakar kan? Like, I am now suddenly feeling like people we know will bump into us (me and mazreen) outside, and they know what's happening in my life, or in our relationship.

Mostly I've been honest in this blog. Of course there are stuff that I leave out, stuff that are privy only to me (or to me and Mazreen) but usually I don't really care that people will be reading this. I just type and type, sometimes coz of boredom. sometimes coz I want the world to know I'm very happy with mazreen. sometimes coz i am lazy to write in my book journal so I just type them out here. sometimes coz... i dunno, maybe someone can benefit from this? (how that will happen, i've got no idea. i blog crap. hehe)

ni at least diaorang tag eh. so we know who is reading. yg those yg tak tag, entah saper2 eh.

just like Mazreen now has this guy who is out to terrorise him. Sampai we made police report. actually not terrorise ah. just being effing annoying. leaving vulgar msgs on his hp, his voicemail, changed his voicemail password and the greeting msg to some vulgar one. and it just got funkier - his moto was moved to a No Parking space. Someone's out to bother Mazreen, and whoever that person is, he's going to be dead meat soon. Doesn't he know that me and mazreen are like bonnie & clyde?

hahahahahahah. Gay nak mampos aku ni. forget i said that.

so anyways as I was saying, we made a police report last night, coz his friend who is a police guy said he should. went to starhub today and they asked Mazreen to change his no. I said jangan dulu. I told the customer service woman to investigate what's happening, and then we'll decide what to do. Kita muka serious giler tadi, macam no-nonsense sort of face. heheh.

Nak tamper with hp is one thing. Tapi to move his moto? That's funky. I hope that idiot gets a life soon.

eh i was actually talking about people reading my blog eh. actually i don't mind lah. just tag so I know you're reading it. I mean those who knows me la. Kalau stranger, I don't mind anything. tag tak nak tag tak kisah. but those who knows me, tag so I know you know I know you know about my life. hahaha.

--

I took halfday today. Mazreen surprised me at work again, he fetched me from my ofis building. So gorgeousliciousmicious. Then we went to orchard, ate at KFC, watched Taxi at Cineleisure, took train to Tampines, went Starhub, went library, I borrowed 4 books, he sent me home taking 38. It was fun, loads of laughing sampai got tears and all.

we were at starhub for nearly an hour tadi.

--

I realised that my money is fast depleting. I hope my dad is still offering to pay for the car insurance pasal I'm broke. I love de Waja. Dah lama tak bebual pasal dia kat sini eh. He's doing fine anyway. Was petrolised by Bijal & Kak Ana the other day, tapi sekarang dah half tank ajer. Besok I get gaji, boleh top up lagi. Or jangan pakai kereta at all, then next saturday pergi JB. Since Mazreen pon nak collect benda moto aper kat sana. Need to buy coupons and top up cashcard la. Leceh betul.

Mazreen dengan penuh ke-excited-ness dah plan his 5 dulangs. whereas I just have ideas for 3 so far. Tapi mazreen senang, he's ultra creative... whereas I'm not. hurhur.

Talked about our future on the way home. Insya'Allah everything will work out for us.

He's so cute.

--

oh. he followed to Didi's house the other day. Monday. Was fun having him and extended family around. I hope he felt welcomed.

He thinks Om is funny (?!)

--

We collected the ring already.

Everyone's reaction: "Keciknyer!"





sigh. I personally don't think so. The ring's very simple you see. Just a white gold band, with a diamond. granted, the diamond isn't that big. tapi I honestly don't want a big diamond. nanti aku malu nak jalan2. mcm blingbling ar. hehehe.

I love that it's from Mazreen.. so honestly, even if he gives me a diamondless yellow gold makcik2 ring, i'll accept it dengan penuh kegembiraan.

just because its from him.




but orang2 yg materialistic yg datang masa tunang (insya'Allah), jgn lah terkejut. Instead, think of the love with which he bought the ring for me... ( *excuse the jiwangness* hehe )

afterall, isn't that what this is all about? =)

Zul TPS msg me on Friendster asking if that's Mazreen in the picture on my profile, and if we're together. Heh. I like when people do that - "eh tu Mazreen primary school kan? kau dgn dia??" I shall be kental and admit that I like when people say it's cute we found each other again after so many years. Coz in primary school pon kita 'together'.. I was his first crush, and he asked me to be his gf in primary school. started young eh? hahah. we 'broke up' in primary school coz he couldn't call my house (my parents being ultra fierce) and he thought that it was because I didn't want to talk to him and after he made that assumption and started ignoring me, I thought he didn't like me anymore.

and then in secondary school, there was once I called him... to ask for someone's number.. a guy in his school. And that time he wasn't home so his mom told him Shida your primary sch friend called and he said he was very happy masa tu (tapi of course masa orang call, dia aksyen mcm cool ajer.) Then he got disappointed when he realised I wanted another guy's no.

And he stumbled onto my CF blog one time.

And he still remembers my pasir ris house no.

I sometimes think it's like cerita Sliding Doors or whatever tu, with Gwyneth Paltrow. Or something like that la. Coz bila fikir balik, we could have bumped into each other so many times before this, tapi tak. The timing wasn't right yet I guess. Which made our initial meeting after all these years sweeter. Bumping into each other in the train tapi he being blur, didn't recognise me but later on told me he was thinking that this minah tudung look sweet *blushes - haha* when I sat opposite him inside the train. And asking Mahfudz for my number by chance when they went out for dinner, not knowing that I was the one who sat infront of him. So when we talked on the phone for the first time, I asked him kenapa call, when inside the train you were scowling at me. He was surprised, said I never took train with you before! I said yups, I duduk opposite you. Then he got more surprised. You da pakai tudung eh??

When we first met, to go work together on a saturday morning, I expected it to be one-off, jumpa sekali ajer and then we'll live our separate lives again you know? Instead, I ended up smiling all the way to work and at work and ended up spending the whole saturday with him.

He never fails to make me laugh from day one.

I think that was why I fell for him. that, and many other things.




ok what's with this feeling jiwang post. hehehe.

--

yesterday we went to Wak Ajar's hse, Cik Man's hse, Cik Dahlan's and Mak Ita's. My dad told Wak Ajar and Cik Dahlan already about my engagement.

"Anak aku nak tunang feb nanti, insya'Allah.."

The first time he said that, to wak Ajar, I ended up blushing mcm giler. I didn't tink it was possible for me to blush coz I'm dark-skinned kan, tapi I got very red apparently coz then Wak Ajar laughed2 and teased me about it. I dunno why, it just feels so funny, you know? Even more so when she said, "Wah, diam-diam, terus dah nak tunang..." Ish. I felt myself going red. Haha.

Then at Mak Ita's house, as usual they asked where is he.. So I've decided to bring him tonight to Didi's house. Hehe.

Mak Ita very sweetly told me yesterday that my parents must be feeling really happy now. She said it's a very unique happy feeling for a parent, knowing that your daughter has been asked for by a guy, and knowing that she wants to be committed to a guy that they approve of.

My mom, who was beside Mak Ita at that time, nodded her head.

:)

--

The ring is ready for collection! We are going to collect it tomorrow. So excited, mcm nak collect hari ni, tapi we don't want to bring it to Didi's house so everyone can nampak only on the tunang day itself, so we collecting it tmrw instead.

My plans for a small engagement do has been.. cancelled. My parents thinking of inviting about 100 people (!!!) and thinking of berkat (!!!) and we decided on 5 dulangs and I dunno what on earth to give his side other than a cake (which I told Mazreen we have to choose together so we don't get gaudy cakes please, thank you very much) and Mazreen also tak tahu apa to put on the dulangs other than the 1% of the hantaran and a cake. He said he's excited to do the 1% hantaran thing. Hehehe. cute la.



padahal lagi 2 bulan lebih eh.

Mazreen sms me tadi petang, "My father say one more then it'll be complete. And that one more is U.."

so touching kan.

--

Look at the pic below. I look fat beside Mazreen don't I? Tsk. He looks so pakcikfied and cute. Kak Su asked me the other day, after looking at the pix, if Mazreen slept over my house the night before, coz he looks so... homely or something in his kain.

Kelakar ke! My parents would peel my skin off and then chop up my meat to make soup or something, if that were to happen before we get married. Haha.

He's the cutest tau.

--

He called at about 10 plus tadi. Said he misses me.




Altogether now... Awwwwwwwwwww.

Heheheh.

isn't Mazreen the most gorgeoustest guy on earth?

:)

Mazreen just sms me if anyone ever bite me before on my cheek. Funky kan.





Rupa-rupanya his bro-in-law Abg Jamal told him about my childhood days.. Abg Jamal has this nephew who is around my age, and when we were small we used to bite each other a lot or something. Kinky eh. Hehe.

Last year at Uncle Mok's house - I cant remember the occasion - this nephew (I dunno his name) was there and Abg Jamal's mom said, ini lah yang dulu kalau jumpa selalu gaduh.. or something like that. And my mom started with how he used to bite me, or I bite him.. kinky violence eh. I can't really remember us being violent like that, but I remmber going to his hse a lot when I was a kid and playing with another kid - I guess it's him.

Funky that Abg Jamal remembers that. Hehehe. And fancy telling Mazreen! Cute kan! hehehee.

--

Tadi sakit perut, went to the toilet (I'm at work), tunggu punya lah lama pasal handicapped toilet ada orang. Sekali while waiting, tengok the coast is clear, I farted. Kuat and smelly nak mampos.

Sekali orang keluar dari toilet!

I managed a smile and pretended it wasn't me. Hahahah. Then personwhojustgotoutoftoilet said, I baru berak ah. You jangan masuk dulu ah.

Hahaha. I should have said, "ish bau busuk ah! Bau apa ni!" (padahal kentut sendiri tapi buat muka slumber ajer) And she would feel embarassed eh. hehe.

--

Have a good day you in your blue baju kurung looking all handsome and gorgeous.

Lately I've been having trouble sleeping. I would lie in bed for hours, and then bila baru doze off, I would tersadar again. Or I would finally fall asleep, but I would wake up abt 2 hours later. Semalam I was lying in bed from 11.30pm til 12.50pm.. baru doze off at 1250, sekali Mazreen called. Talked to him til 2am, then baru tertido til this morning.

Maybe I need to talk to him first before sleeping eh?

Semalam's conversation was quite nerve-wrecking initially. I told him I've decided not to follow him to his aunts' houses today. Next year Insya'Allah dah tunang boleh pergi. He was ok with it, mcm not much expression.

I have a feeling he's upset though. He was so looking forward to it, kept telling me he's happy I'm following the other day.

Tapi my dad don't allow. Plus my gut feeling tell me I should wait til next year also. (Maybe it's stupid ah, following my gut feeling... but then I've always followed my gut feeling to make decisions) I feel so bad upsetting him.

What makes me feel worse is that he's not venting that anger on me. Kalau aku, dah mengamuk macam kerbau or something with nose flaring and smoke through my ears tapi dia macam being quietly disappointed so I feel bad! sigh.

Alalala. He just sms me, "U confirm not following?" I feel bad, don't ask me! I want today to be over asap!

Sedih lah gini. Coz I so know how it feels like wanting ur bf / gf to go but tak boleh so you end up disappointed. Like I said, if it's me, dah marah2, pekik2 and campak2 meja to show my anger already. (slight exaggeration) I hate hate hate this. Being stuck between 2 parties - both I want to please, and there can't be a win-win situation.

I just hope he has a very good day, such a good day that he ends up thankful that I didn't follow today. Like he karaoke very badly but happily and he's thankful I didn't get to hear.

Oh aku sedih. Baru hari tu he said he wants to karaoke to me one song in front of everyone and dedicate to me and he wants to see if I would be embarassed. Kental ah karaoke and all, but then that's my baby. hahahaha. sigh. I want to go but I don't want to go. I don't want to go but I want to go.

But hell. I've made my decision, I've told him I'm not going so yeah. Insya'Allah next year. I hope he's ok. sigh. kalau dah kawin senang sikit eh. hehehee.

Sekarang aku sakit perut mcm nak terbreak.

17th Nov 2004 - Mazreen's side came over to masuk meminang :) Alhamdulillah the discussion went well - there wasn't any disagreements abt hantaran or anything, heheee, so all is good la. His parents and eldest sis and bro in law came, and for my side, my grandmom, eldest aunt and uncle. I was holed up in my room with my ear glued to the door trying to catch every detail I could get, hehe, while smsing Mazreen what I heard.

After the whole discussion, my uncle read some doas while I teared in my room (hahah, kental eh. emotional la) and when my mom called me out, everyone was hugging2 while I stand funkified. After they went back, my uncle gave me a talk. Said in relationships there's bound to be disagreements, and with the engagement comes more responsiblities. And I and Mazreen shouldn't make a small thing blow up to be a big issue.. (told this to Mazreen and he was like, "true true". we always do this. hurhur) and jangan bila gaduh ajer, say something bad abt the engagement etc. And after we tunang (Insya'Allah), my uncle said it's only an engagement, we are still not married so masih kena dengar kata mak bapak, not kata tunang, pasal he masih belum jadi suami. And tak boleh keluar selalu, nanti takder seri. And kena save duit. etc etc.

:)

so Insya'Allah if all goes well, 5th February shall be it (!!) 2 and a half months more!

Asked Mazreen how does he feel. He said excited and happy and kinda nervous. Me too, actually. I wonder if things.. the dynamics, as people would say.. are going to change in our relationship. Hehe.

--

Anyways. We watched a Korean movie, Everybody has Secrets, and The Forgotten on Wednesday at Orchard Cineleisure (their seats are so comfy and good! Watch there fm now on ok, no more GV pasal their seats are so small mcm economy size seats in planes) We bought tickets to Taxi already actually but since his sis called to say they were coming, and my mom said bila orang nak masuk meminang, tak baik cakap dgn diaorang datang lain hari, so we went home..

and here I would like to apologise to my cousins who nak datang rumah tapi kena tukar plans. Really sorry tau. I hope u all can faham.. jangan tak datang at all to our house. Please come again.

--

My dad won't let me go out with Mazreen's family to his uncles' house. Said masih belom tunang, so jangan pergi. Again, nanti takder seri (??) But his whole family dah ajak, so I feel kinda bad for not following. Asked my mom how.

She said go, but come back straight after maghrib.

So that's what I'm doing. Kinda shy to go though, although I've met the uncles and aunts before at his cousin's wedding... heh.

--

Mazreen was forced to take leave from today til next Thursday by the pple in his camp, due to his foot rot which rendered him useless to the army. and I think on Friday he will be on MC coz he has the medical appt at CGH. He told me to take leave the whole of next week but I can't coz I took leave this week tuesday and wednesday already. sigh. so yesterday I told Kak Su I am taking leave on wednesday (halfday)

I'm jealous tau. I so want to sleep at home til 2pm everyday.

--

Happy Birthday Kak Su!

the pic above is, so far, my favourite pic of us. hehe. i shall be kental for a moment and say that I think we both look cute in the pic =D

the songkok he's wearing is actually my dad's one. he's so gorgeous isn't he? hehehehe.

--

anyhoos. I'm at home now, 2 days leave, I'll be back in the office only on thursday. So cepat 2 days of hari raya dah pass. Yesterday we went to my dad's grandaunts' houses, all in the west... so when Mazreen's sister asked him to bring me to her house yesterday I couldn't go. At night went to my mom's aunt's house (Nek Loyah), which is behind Mazreen's block, and Mazreen came along coz my mom asked him to.

Then at Nek Loyah's house, my dad asked Tok Din, kenal tak siapa ni..

Tok Din looked at M, and said "kenal. tinggal belakang. selalu nampak ni kat kedai kopi.."

Mazreen asked me if he should address Tok Din as Tok or Cik... coz selalu nampak kat bawah, bila salam panggil Cik. I said Tok, coz he's my grandma's bro-in-law what.

then Didi and family joined us at Nek Loyah's house, and I had to sit on the floor while Mazreen was forced to sit on the sofa by Tok Din - which was funny, coz he was saying it's ok, saya duduk kat bawah, and Tok Din macam push him to sit on the sofa.

He looked so cute in his baju punjabi semalam. tapi didn't take pictures lah, camera was in the car.

After Nek Loyah's house, Mazreen told my parents that his parents invited us over to his house. So my dad said since dah jemput, tak baik pulak tak pergi, so we went over. My mom was so nervous, it was quite funny lor. I was quite scared also, what if they have nothing to talk about and all that you know?

So anyways, in the house, me and Aisyah were just eating kueh m&m's, while my mom sat around and smiled, his mom did the same, and our dads talked. Apparently they knew a lot of people in common - Mazreen's bro-in-law is actually Bijal's dad's good friend's son. And my dad dulu mengaji at this bro-in-law house. (and the bro in law working at Ritz Carlton, so maybe he knows Sheddy? Haha. Told this to Mazreen and now he can't stop talking about how I want cinta lama to berputik kembali and what nonsense.)

After abt half hour of sitting around, we went home. Talked to Mazreen on the phone, and Mazreen said his mom would call my mom soon to talk about when to come for the masuk meminang thing. (Wooohooo aku excited!)




Hantaran issue still not settled though. His sisters asked him how much, and he said he can only afford about 6 or 7K Insya'Allah, and his sisters think that's reasonable... although my mom kinda hoping for $9K actually I think. My dad don't mind anything. My opinion on this is not consistent - I sometimes hope for more, i sometimes want to tell him 5k pon ok lah.

--

tak ku sangka that I'll see him for the first 2 days of hari raya. macam best like that =)



Alhamdulillah so far things going well eh, for everyone. I'm happy, contented. Feeling blessed.

Kak Ana, Bijal - u both got no idea how happy we are for you both lor. Alhamdulillah eh. Take care hor. Remember, Zara is out. Kalau boleh don't take Nadra too :)

Ita, if u someday stumble onto this blog - congrats on ur new job. Ita's gonna be an SIA stewardess, 27th Nov is her first flight, so.. take care too.

A l y... hurhur... getting married next year. erm.. Congrats too.

let's overdose on pictures of me and Mazreen, taken this morning. (its the last few in the album)

click here to view pictures

He came over at about 12pm to send over some kueh, wearing baju kurung last year with his kain, looking all pakcik2. so cute. he stayed for a while, ate a bit, drank a bit, took pictures a bit, mintak maaf a bit, and went home. so cute. hehehee.

(my tudung this year is very makcikfied. hurhur)

--

oh btw, congrats kak ana & bijal :)

Malam hari raya and I'm blogging. Finally the house is clean, and the furniture has been moved around and carpets have been laid and kuehs arranged and I found time to go geylang this afternoon with Mazreen to buy cushion covers and tudungs and I found a bit more time to do henna on my 2 sisters.

Actually my baju don't really go with my tudung but I can't be bothered to head down to geylang again to find another one. Mazreen's going geylang with his friends and brothers later, in mat moto style I think, coz it's many many motos pergi ramai-ramai in the middle of the night - for God knows what reason. I swear I never knew my bf had mat moto tendencies in him, which will be all unleashed come geylang bazaar time.

For purely selfish reasons, I hope there won't be anymore geylang bazaars next year.

I was there with Pag a few days back, and Pag commented, sekarang geylang macam dah boring eh. apa lah dulu kita suka sangat datang sini?

I couldn't agree more. I used to be so into being at geylang that if Abg Aim was going, I would eagerly follow. And the years before that, dengan penuh semangat pergi also with whoever. Apa sajer kan.

Sekarang I wonder why on earth would I volunteer to jostle with the crowds there, get sweaty and rub bodies against the other sweaty scantily-clad people there. To get the Hari Raya mood, some people say.



I get my hari raya mood by changing my furniture's layout and putting money into envelopes and making ketupat. Not anymore by looking at the people there and jostling with the best of them. Somehow, as the minahs wear lesser and lesser clothes to geylang, my semangat to go geylang also gets lesser and lesser la.

So aku tak paham sangat kenapa si mazreen so semangat to go, but as britney would say, that's his prerogative. hurhur.

I would rather stay home and watch Seniman Bujang Lapok later at 12am on suria.



--



I teared listening to takbir tadi. Somehow regretted not making full use of Ramadhan - and this is the usual feeling each year, once I buka already and then I hear the takbir and I feel sad, thinking that I somehow didn't use my time productively or something.

I didn't go terawih at all this year. Macam so busy like that eh, padahal tak tahu apa aku buat.

I feel subdued this year. Not like the usual happy hooray hooray besok hari raya sort of feeling I get each year.. this year I feel subdued. Like maybe I don't really deserve to celebrate this year coz I feel I didn't pass Ramadhan that well.

Oh well. Whatever it is, this year's Ramadhan dah pass.

Selamat Hari Raya you all.




I shall go to Shell now, to the carwash. Yes, that's Christina Aguilera singing in the background.

I think I won't have time to blog over the next few days - coz Friday I'll be very busy at work, and Saturday I need to make my swiss rolls and do whatever that needs to be done, and Sunday is already Hari Raya - so I shall wish everyone an early..

Selamat Hari Raya!!
Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Sabri KL sms me this morning wishing me Slmt Hari Raya, the first one so far, so sweet of him.

My parents are at JB (they left after subuh to avoid the traffic jams) and Aisyah is at home watching Oprah - she has caught the Oprah obsession already - and I'm at work. Actually dah habis kerja, but I got to wait for Mazreen to finish watching tv - irritated now but trying not to be. In a fit of dunnowhat (anger perhaps) I told him I shall go Orchard first...

... He, dgn takder perasaan, said ok. So pissed off (!!) but then I shall just go to CK Tangs and look see first. I love their household department with the expensive forks and table clothes all looking so up and Island Shop is just upstairs so I think I shall leave office soon and go there first. Hopefully retail therapy will make me forget that I'm pissed off with Mazreen when he comes later.

Plus I decided not to buy an extra baju kurung so I have excess $200 to spend on forks and spoons.

Actually I didn't NOT decide to buy the baju kurung. Last night I had the worst feeling after I went to the toilet, and I couldn't even walk or sit properly. Kena tersenget like that. Punyerlah sakit. My mom offered to have a look at it and do whatever's necessary, tapi aku embarassed. Heheheh. I can't wait for my 30th Nov appointment, this time for sure I won't postpone it anymore. Lately makin sakit tau. I walk like a pregnant woman sometimes coz the lower half of my body, esp the back part, hurts. Tahan-able ah, but still painful. My mom made me eat the sgh pills, and told me to take extra tapi I'm scared of overdosage (which my mom said is not possible if I'm just going to take 2 extra to ease the pain, haha)

If I go to Tangs later and then Mazreen calls up to cancel, I will explode there ok.

(and since I can't fart without pain, it's actually a simple thing to do. haha)



I would love to work as a researcher on Oprah's show.



I want to buy a clutch bag with beads on it, and a high heel shoe with a ribbon at the back which I saw in some magazine the other day (which I also know I won't wear coz..

1) it's too pretty.
2) it'll give me blisters.
3) i can't afford it in the first place.

Sigh.

I shall go to Tangs now.

Selamat Hari Raya you all! Mahap zahir & batin.. may you all look pretty and handsome in your pretty and handsome bajus and don't overdose on the sgh pills (hurhur) kuehs and cokes.

(btw, I saw a kueh at geylang that is shaped like a carrot and it's orange coloured! Weird kan. I would so not be motivated to makan a kueh that looks like a veg)

As Aisyah had pointed out, my blogskin is ugly. Haha. I found it on blogskin and after a bit of messing around with it, this is the best I can get.. and I know the whole layout is so messy, with the tables overlapping each other, but I can't be bothered to alter it anymore lah. I got work to do! I just got this sudden inspiration to change blogskin this morning after me and Mazreen were talking about how excited we were that hari raya is comnig and how I can't wait to eat ketupat... so that is why there is this sudden change of blogskin to a messy ugly one.

But at least it feels hari raya here now!

dum dum doom, bunyi mercun..



ok that was kental. haha.

I just went to change money at the bank, and there aren't any more new notes so I got old used notes. And based on advice from my financial advisor (Farah) I decided to give each kid $2. no more and no less. hahaha. perhaps more, coz the envelope cost a bit also eh.

ok that is so Haji Bakhil.

Seriously, each kid $2, and sisters get $20 only. Only my grandmother will get $50.

I save $100 tau by giving each kid $2. Hahah. Thanks Farah.



Now I get to buy one more baju kurung! :D

I saw a really pretty one at TKC yesterday, for $160, white with light pink flowers and all that.. very sweet and floaty. Or perhaps I should save the money and get one superduper ultra pretty baju for tunang.

Speaking of tunang. We bought a ring already on Monday :)))

This is madness. I have work to do right now but I feel so hari raya now that I feel like doing home now to make kueh. I want ketupat! I want lontong! (yeah they are alike eh, so what nonsense nie) I want kuehs! I want duit raya! (from whoever who's willing to give. Rezeki jangan ditolak :) I want to go people's house and awkwardly ask them to halalkan my makan minum and maafkan my dosa-dosa.. although we only see them once a year and forget about them for the rest of the year, so I'm not sure what dosa I might have committed against them (perhaps for not thinknig of them more often?) but whatever la.

I like the part where parents reminiscience (sp?) abt the old days with the owner of whoever's house we are at while me and Aisyah eat and eat and eat the kuehs or potato chips while watching tv. and bila terdengar nama ajer, turn and smile prettily and try to blush although topic is nothing to blush about.

Tomorrow is the great big search for my clutch bag. After work. Besok Deepavali I got to work ah, but hopefully not for long.

To any Indians (or is it Hindus? or Tamils? I feel stupid suddenly) reading my blog (although I don't think there's any non-Malay readers, haha) Happy Deepavali!

I'm at home. I used my off day for today, and I applied leave for next tuesday and wednesday. Nak buat kueh, tapi takder mixer ke aper benda tu, because ours got spoilt last year and we haven't got around to buying a new one. So most probably going to geylang later with my mom and Aisyah, to get a baju kurung for my mom - as a birthday present. Aisyah got hers yesterday, while mine is still at the tailor / seamstress at JB. I haven't bought a tudung to go with the baju... i can't remember my baju is what colour exactly. haha.

And I need to go change money to those $2 or $5 notes (maybe tomorrow at Tg Pagar) and I need to buy the envelopes too.

I'm listening to Aishah's Pulanglah on Kazaa, on repeat mode. I teramat love this song. Di pagi hari raya... Hati sayu mengenang dirimu..

I'm into the hari raya mood already, I can't wait to start making ketupat ( teringat balik the intensive ketupat making for Kamal 2 years back ) and eating kueh ( dah start makan kueh tart Nenek - Masha'Allah. so sedap!! ) and putting money into envelopes and seeing these kids' faces light up when they get it.

I find the minta-maaf-from-parents part a bit stressful, coz I never really know what to say and I tend to trip over my words.

I can't wait to go to my grandma's house at about 6pm and seeing all my cousins in their beautiful bajus and eating the lontong and then the photo taking! Every year sama pose, with the butt jutting out and tangan macam Saloma for the girls, and the guys slumped over in one korner nak act rock.

Somehow Iwan epitomises the whole one korner mat rock thing eh? I want to see him this year hari raya, but without the whole family can?

This is also the first year I'm not sending out card hari raya to the usual people. hehe. I'm one of those kental people who likes sending out card hari raya when the whole world dah move on to ecards. haha. I didn't send a card to the sunway people la a gurls, i really wanted to tau. Kental la, aku tahu, but what the heck. And I really wanted to send one to Kamal, but I somehow always teringat what Farah said and I then think I shan't send.. sigh.

Lagu hari raya reminds me of him too. those who know him who reads my blog ( like how Fildza once stumbled onto my CF blog and told Kamal ) please wish him selamat hari raya from me. maaf zahir and batin included. thank you.

I dunno whether I ever got mention here, but this year I became kental and made baju kurung light blue... and Mazreen's baju is light blue also. Hehehehehe. I see Farah laughing her ass off, when we know she also matching2 with Zizou. I don't do matching2 ok, I laugh at couples who do that... but somehow under Mazreen's spell, I agreed to get light blue. Not that we are going to jalan hari raya together.. coz I already told him I'm not following his whole big family's jalan2, and he's not coming to my aunts' houses also - not this year ah - and we aren't going out with our friends ( me farah maria agreed not to bring the bfs - a bit leceh ) so there isn't actually any chance for us to display our matching bajus together. Not that I mind.

So what's the purpose of getting a matching baju then?



Entah.

Hhahhahaa. Just for fun ajer.

Kentalism.

7th Nov 2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZA!!!

--

I re-read the last entry and I was funkified by how angry I could sound. (to those who think it's mild anger.. hehe, takperlah) I am not normally an angry person, the most I get is irritation, but I don't really do anger.

But anyhoos, I went to geylang with my family and Pag's family in the end on sat night. Semua tanya kenapa M tak ikut. Aisyah told them kita gaduh. I told her to shut up. Just said he has something on. I didn't have fun at Geylang, I was looking around for him although I didn't think we would bump into each other, but what the heck, I can try. haha. Didn't buy anything - because I didn't bring money. Saw a pretty baju at Gihan's again for $398 (sungguh mahal, sungguh tak ku mampu) Went home, was lying in bed when he sms, hi, what you doing? Said he's at his sister's house, and can he call in about 10 minutes?

So we talked. I tried to explain my point of view and he did. sigh.

it's so hard lah.

--

last night we met up, and he kept re-enacting the night before, when I tried to push him off his bike. Hehehe. aku malu. it was so stupid, i dunno what I'm doing also. Went to Kopi Bean CS and since there were no seats, we packed the stuff to go and took cab home.

--

what a stupid weekend eh. I'm so tired.

i am reading blogs and crying at the same time, and it don't matter if the blogs are talking about happy stuff or not.

I fought with him. So much so that I feel like I want OUT right now. I can't be with someone who thinks his friends and family is more important than his own gf, I don't need someone who I hold dear to me to make me feel UNimportant.

I wish I can somehow un-do tonight, I wish i can un-do my whole life or something. I'm so pissed off I really just want to slam my car into something and then.. something. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to know that your sisters are more important than me. I don't need you to urge me to go Forum with my mom just so you will be free to go geylang with your sis. I don't need you to stand far away from me in the lift like as if you're fcking repulsed by me just to show your pissed off face that you can't go geylang with your sis. I wish I could scream at your face and let you see how much you have affected me. You have reduced me to tears and now you're happily at geylang.

I can't be with someone who thinks his family and friends are more important than me. One whole fcking day of spoilt plans just because you forgot what I had planned, when I know you actually had other plans made with your friends and want out of my plans, that's more than enough bullshit for me to take for one day.

And yes I am so weak, all I could do to show my anger was to slam the door and car boot and walk off. I don't even have the fcking strength or courage to tell you in your face what I feel. Because I'm scared I might say something I will regret. Which is why I did a measly attempt to push you off your bike. And do I mean that? I don't. I never want to cause you harm, but you made me so fcking unimportant today I just want you to feel what I feel. I'm your girlfriend Mazreen. Soon to be tunang. And yet you happily chuck me aside just to bring ur sis to geylang, when I was the one who made plans with you first. Am I that unimportant to you? In the first place, what am I to you?

I don't deny that your sisters are important. But place me on that same pedestal. At least honour the plans we made, not because I am your girlfriend, but because I made those plans first.

Don't shit around with my feelings can? I don't need to feel this way, I got my own enemies to make me feel this way.

I know I shouldn't post up things that are private to us. But I just want someone to hear me, or to listen to my point of view, coz you can't do that.

Bush won the elections.

*disappointment*

--

Yesterday was one rush of a buka session with Mazreen. We were supposed to buka at Sakura Eastpt together right, tapi si army ni kecoh betul, so he balik later than usual - went out of camp at about 6.30pm. It's a bit tak sempat to buka at Sakura actually, but he really wanted to, so he told me to order first and all. So I also pandai, thought got a lot of time, so I went to EMF first to look for a book.

Lost track of time...

Reached Sakura at 6.45pm. And they gave me a table in the middle of nowhere, so I couldn't even pretend to look up alone.. and the waiters / waitresses were rushing around and no one took my order and by the time buka, I had no drinks, no date (both the person and the fruit - or whatever it is if it's not a fruit -) no food. Nothing other than my hp. And I look so damn pathetic I tell you. I didn't know where to look, what to do at all coz everyone was drinking and eating their dates (hahah, eating their dates, geddit.) and I felt like everyone was looking at me with pitying looks.

First up, I want to say that I'm not the kind of person who can't eat alone. I like eating alone actually, rather than having to make small talk with people I'm not really comfy with. But at that moment at Sakura, with everyone breaking their fast with their dates (again, both human and fruit) I felt so pathetic. So I called Mazreen's hp, although I know he won't answer coz he's still on his moto.

So I sat around looking pathetic.

Then this sweet girl from the next table gave me a bowl of dates. so sweet kan! I was, at that time, scrutinising the wall on my right (yeah what the hell was I doing looking at the wall? mcm bodoh like that) And she came up, put the bowl on my table and said "buka puasa dulu" Aku in shock, terus macam "oh! thank you" and terus makan the kurma. Without drinks. a few minutes later, the drinks came. Then the food. So I had 3 plates of food and 2 drinks but still no Mazreen. Tapi at least I had companions in the form of food and drinks. A few minutes later Mazreen pon sampai. He has a friend working there that told him, da lama mata air kau tunggu.

There, i told you everyone in sakura was pitying the girl in brown baju kurung sitting by herself staring at the wall.

then mazreen sat down and me being me, started bising-bising about how late he is and everything. sekali he explain, and ask me to touch his uniform. wet like wet wet wild ok. or wild wild wet tau. so kesian. Apparently it was raining at TPE, and he wanted to stop first but then he thought of me sitting alone at sakura and rushed through the rain. I was so touched, so in awe of this sweet person. hehehee. So anyways kita pon makan-makan, and I told him about the kurma thing and he said that girl is actually from his sec school.

After makan, we went back and I realised I didn't thank the girl properly or something for her sweetness. So if she somehow stumbles onto this blog, Springfield girl wearing horizontal striped top at Sakura yesterday with ur group of friends, thank you for being sweet :)

Anyhoos. After makan, Mazreen went home to change first while I went home to bathe, and then we met up again. Cutely he ajak go look at rings... .but since we can't go to TM since we been to all their shops, we had no where else to go.. so ring shopping plans was aborted.

--

getting 13th mth bonus on Tuesday, Alhamdulillah.
Am a happy happy hippo.

today is our 9 years 9 months anniversary.

(Shall i repeat again the whole story abt the 9 years thing? We met in primary school. hurhur) If he comes back early, we are going to buka at Sakura (dah plan what to eat even - Seafood Sambal Fried Rice for me, Dry Beef Kway Teow for him and lemon chicken for us - I been craving for lemon chicken for the past few.. days.)

Watched Notting Hill last night with Aisyah (alalala so sweet the show) and after the show, I killed a roach in my toilet. Or rather, I closed the door on it, not knowing that it's there, and sekali got this crunchy sound, and when I open the door, it fell to the floor. I jumped out of the toilet and onto Aisyah's back and kalau boleh macam nak climb and sit on her shoulders. Aisyah bravely used a gala (that long bamboo pole) to switch off the toilet lights and then we ran to our room. I ate sahur and all without my specs coz it was in the toilet.

Bloghop just now to this blog and found these engagement pics. This is exactly how I want my engagement to be! Very simple and no dulangs other than ring and bouquet of flowers or whatever. Called Mazreen up to tell him and he likes the idea also. :)

"Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."

Oh, Aishah's song "Pulanglah" is on radio now and I'm at work and I'm tearing. Emo sungguh la. Sigh. I think this is my utmost favouritest lagu raya. More so than the one that I like but can't remember the singer and title. Kamal used to call me whenever he heard this song and sing out loud over the phone.

My mom has a friend whose husband passed away early this year, and this would be her first raya without her husband. She has 4 young kids and she's a Malaysian so she can't work here, and she has to take care of her inlaws also. My mom went out with her the other day... and my mom being my mom - excitable, tends to say things without thinking first - heard a lagu raya, and exclaimed excitedly "Eh! Lagu Raya! Best nyer!" and her friend teared up and walked away. My mom felt so bad after that.

(eh Ria playing so many lagu raya this morning. sungguh best. Now is the Ahmad Jais or whoever's song about the musafir and all. I cannot hear these sad lagu raya for the first time each year lah... nanti mcm get all emotional and I would tear up and all.)

so anyways, my mom's friend tried to apply for financial help from this Tabung Amal Aidilfitri. But she was late in applying, coz she's like super busy fetching her children to and fro school and she has to cook and clean the house and all that right. So my mom went to find the number and all and gave her and she called the other time. (way before Ramadhan started) The lady who answered said that application time is already up. So my mom's friend tried to explain her situation, and the lady still refused to give in, said try applying for next year's one. Nonsense kan. My mom told my dad and my dad got so worked up. but then, still nothing that he can do right. It's very kesian lah, tengok her friend.

--

on a happier note, I met Mazreen last night at Tampines. Yesterday I was real stressed up at work, to the point that I was about to cry. (I know this entry macam a lot of want-to-cry but really yesterday I was about to cry coz it was nearly 6 and I still haven't closed 2 vessels and there was this whole problem with a 3rd vsl and it was just so stressful I just wanted to cry.) and I had to break fast at work - soya bean and 2 biscuits from the pantry - and then I went to meet Mazreen at LJS at Century Sq. After that we went to walk around CS and went to look at rings (again) and watches. SK Jewelry at CS has this really funky ahpek-wannabe salesman that attended to us, that made M remarked that kita macam kat pasar.

Then went to Lee Hwa at TM, and saw this quite pretty ring - $400+ but 50% discount seh so it's like super cheap - and he wanted to buy it for me jugak semalam. But I was quite hesitant coz, although it was a solitaire thing, there was still some curves to it - not like the wavy design that I like - and I didn't fall in love with it at first sight so I told M we look around first lah. Kita masih belom tengok at Goldheart properly anyway also, so no hurry kan. M is so kancheong like that tau, which is cute actually.. if he wants something, he macam semangat to get it. and he was the one who asked me to go Soo Kee so finally he has gotten into the 'mood' of buying rings. Haha. Oh and he has stopped with the sarcastic comments so all's quite good.

--

My dad just called me asking if I want an Amex credit card. Funky kan. Excitedly I said can ah. Then I call Mazreen up and he being ever practical said I'm bound to use it and then what if I can't pay and all. so now I'm thinking of asking my dad tak payah lah... although it'll be kind of cool to have one, but then what M said is true. Nak bayar hp bill dah terkial-kial, apa lagi credit card bill. And although I can say now that I won't use it, nanti mesti terpakai.

--

Next Sunday Hari Raya.