Right now i just want to escape to someplace where no one can find me. where i can dwell in solitude and just get away from everything that's overwhelming me.

i try so hard but sometimes it just isn't enough. i tried to make things better, but it always backfires and i make things worst in the end.

i apologised and I know it isn't enough but what you said hurts more than anything else. I'm trying to understand that you said it in a moment of anger, but I'm the sort that gets affected easily, and I'm trying hard to not dwell on it, to forget it and to look forward to better things coz now we see things clearer already kan. The next time you get all worked up and angry, remind me to shut my ears off. hold the phone far away from my ear or something. remind me that whatever you'll be saying, it's just in a moment of anger and that you dont mean it.

those words couldn't have came at a worst time. (and yes i did cry when u said what u said. coz it hurts. totally unexpected. heh)

and im not going to ask u to follow me anymore on tuesday. im sorry i was so persistent in asking u to take leave.. i shdn't have done that i guess. i should just grow up and be brave and do this on my own... after all its my own doing. so right now i think it's best i just go alone and not bother anyone anymore. i'll find a way to distract myself from worrying somehow. does anyone even worry abt that?

kalau worry pon, im going to worry sorang2. haha.

is there anyone who understands what im feeling now? im damns worried, and i can be the most paranoid person on earth and right now there's just so many things swirling around in my head about so many things, i feel like i could explode. i'll even admit I'm scared and one thing i hate most is admitting that im scared. but ya i am damns scared now. no one is even attempting to assure me that things are fine.. going to be fine. i just get more and more scared as each day passes. about tuesday. abt us.

i woke up this morning and the first thing that came to my mind was - by this time next week i would have known what's up.

this feels like a bad dream that i cant wake up from.

i hate to think that I am the cause of those thoughts that are troubling him. I admit that sometimes I am the cause of some arguments that we go through, but I never want to burden him so much til he wants time off to just think.

The last time he did this, I sobbed like mad, and then called him, nearly begged for a chance to explain myself, why I do the things I do, said the things I said.

This time round, I'm just not sure what is it im supposed to do. I dont want to bother him... if he needs time to think, then please, have all the time you need. But is it so selfish, or kaypoh, or whatever, of me to want him to share those thoughts with me? So that I get my chance to clarify things. so that I get my chance to let him know my point of view. so that we could get our chance to share our thoughts. so that i can feel better.

coz when he does this, i feel snubbed. I feel like I'm the cause of it all, and he doesn't want me around for a while. I feel unwanted, damn it. I feel like I am causing him negativity, but I am not gf-material enough to help him get rid of that feeling.

so yeah. I'm waiting for your call, even if you say you arent going to call. coz selfish person that i am, I want to be a part of everything of you.

i guess on tuesday im going by meself. suddenly the whole world has something on.

ok actually i only bothered asking M but if he's not free I dont want to ask other people to come with coz it's quite leceh for them u know? i know its not his fault but if he can follow, I would feel better lor.

cue morrie.

my mom just called, said that the appt on Tuesday can't be changed to the afternoon. (next afternoon timeslot which is free will be on 28th July - and I told my mom that I don't want to wait so long coz the suspense of not knowing whats wrong is quite annoying) Thing was, if it was in the afternoon, she wanted to come with. So I told her its ok, if Mazreen can get leave then he'll go with me. Then she was like, ok la.. hopefully he can get leave then..

my parents aren't openly affectionate, but they show that they care and love in the things they say or do, you know? It's not very obvious la, but it's quite evident sometimes.. sweetness.

I like simple templates.. and this is so far the cleanest and simplest I've ever used.

I'm bored. Tonight going to Bugis, with or without you. To Kino to buy Essays In Love, On Love" by Alain de Botton. I know it sounds really pompous and cheem, hehee, but it's not lor.

I am missing Farah Maria a lot at the moment. Entah kenapa. Tapi mcm malas to call them up to ajak jumpa.

one of the colleagues working at the semarang office just msn me, telling me that Nicholas Syahputra is filming right outside her office. aku jealous. Big Time Jealous.

Bayu says:
he he he, iya, dia mau syuting selama 20 hari disini... bayangkan....
Bayu says:
lokasi kantor di srg kan ada di kota lama ( kota tua ), bangunan gedungnya kuno-kuno ( antique )...sering untuk syuting...
Bayu says:
cute banget lho...badannya tinggi...
s h i d a says:
bayuu.... aku mahuuuuu ke sanaaaaa...
Bayu says:
senyumnya...cool....aku saja yang sudah tua suka melihatnya...aku aja tadi dari rumah udah siapin webcam, ingin foto bareng dia...
Bayu says:
iya, kamu terbang ke sini...
s h i d a says:
ya, kamu harus foto sama dia.. dan hantar kpd aku ya.. bayu, aku jealous...
Bayu says:
he he he...jealous ya, aku tiap hari sama dini dekatin dia, lihat syutingnya, kalau dia senyum sedikit saja buat kami, wah senangnya...

cute eh, that shooting is spelt as syuting..

damns im jealous. if only they are syuting outside our office *teringat kak su*

.. this kak su eh, i never knew she can be so merepek nie... make me laugh until i cry.. klakar lah. but i can imagine her doing that ni, walking behind the camera smiling and saying hi!! in that excited way of hers.. haha.

anyhoos. im just back from transferring money btwn UOB and DBS and paying hp bills. throat feels weird, from coughing from the aftermath of that laughter tadi.

I'm on MC today. didn't feel too good this morning, what with headaches and flu since yesterday. Couldn't manage to go all the way to Raffles Medical at Tampines, so I settled for some ahpek clinic at Simei which charged me a hefty $28 for a 3 minute session. tsk. we are so not going there again.

not much to blog la.
* Mazreen met the rest of the family last saturday, at Jaja's birthday makan at Adang.
* I saw someone drool in his sleep hehehe.
* Today is Sheddy's birthday.
* Yesterday James Lye got married.
* This saturday is our 9 years 5 mths =)

Gabriel - by Lamb
i am strong even on my own
but from him I never want to part
i can shine even in the darkness
but I crave the light that he brings


June has been going on for too long, u know? It's like never-ending like that.. I just can't wait for it to be over, although I've got no idea why I want it that way.

... last night i was really worried, took out my worries on M. I'm sorry abt that. Talked to Tinda abt this, and she comforted me a bit, saying it's probably nothing. I hope that if anything bad is happening inside me, it's something like Fatimah's probs..

.... It has to be something like that kan, coz why else would it affect my menses? Haiyah. I just want 6th July to come asap lah so i can know what's up.

On a totally different note. I came upon the conclusion, or realised, that I'm the sort of person who really lets emotions take over everything else in my life. Now is time for me to realise if it's good or not..

the polyclinic visit this afternoon - the doctor gave a referral letter to SGH (appt is on 6th July) and i'm worried sick. Didn't help that the doctor is really rude and went abt it in a really fast-paced way (or maybe because I'm so used to Raffles medical doctors who are so nice)

I dont know what's wrong, I dont know what to expect on the sgh visit, Im really worried.. (and scared) altho everyone's telling me not to be.

latest news in - we getting bonus this month!! Alhamdulillah. yeah yeah yeah yeah. im a happy hippo uh huh i am i am. additional money is always good, hehe.

finally my uob will be stabilised again. and i can get the adidas mary-janes and stuffes.

another happy note - found Zul on friendster and Tariq wrote me a touching testimonial.. part of which i will paste below -

...really lively and eccentric but at the same time can be soft spoken and sensitive to the needs of others. u're a great friend to have. thanks for the memories :P

mcm touching kan? boleh nangis i read it, esp the last part thanks for the memories. We sat with each other in Pri 6, and he was one of my close friends altho I never acknowledge it, hehe. I used to sign his report cards or test papers when his grades were bad and he didn't want to show his mom, and helped him "get" Hawa, hehe. And he used his privilege as a Head Prefect to save me when I was late to school and since he was a genius, he let me copy off him in class. sweetness lah.

ok time to go back.

"tis syaza rite...punye lah merepek..at kfc,i ask her wad she wants..then she say "telor"..then she mati2 want telor so i decided to ignore her then she was like "syaza nak chicken"...so i bought the 3 piece meal and popcorn chicken..take away..then go home,we eat2..

got above from Aisyah's blog. I was reading it at work, terus mcm nak laugh out loud coz i can imagine syaza's face while she says telor. kelakar kan, mati2 nak telor at kfc.

anyhoos. today im on halfday to go tampines polyclinic. Wanted to just go raffles tapi since tampines polyclinic has all the records of my butt, i thought might as well take halfday and go there. Asked Aisyah to follow me for moral support, heh. She's bringing Liza and that telor. And tonight her parents and Nenek and Wak (and hopefully you too Kak Ana & Bijal) coming over for dinner - chicken briyani.

Was clarifying to M last night abt my cousins' names. He got confused how come there's 2 kak Nana. I told him one if Kak Ana, one is Kak Nana. And which husband belongs to which wife. Baru 2 orang dah confuse. Apa lagi for me to remember his sisters' and nephews' names. Of which we saw one sister yesterday at Changi Village - *trying hard to remember her name* ...she's the East Coast one.

Last night i had a sudden craving for so much food.. At first we wanted to go Beach Road, then on the way I saw a sign that says Changi.. then felt for nasi lemak. So to changi village we went. I saw the mee goreng signboard and mee soup and cdn't decide btwn those 2. made M a bit irirtated i think coz he wanted to order but I kept changing my mind.. hehe. finally decided on mee goreng (shd have just gone to beach road eh) Then felt like eating otak-otak, and satay.. tapi didn't order la. *think of budget*

I think Jessica Simpson's version of that Robbie William's song (Angels?) is nice.. mcm rock chick gitu.

Talked to Lydia smlm on the phone. Misssss her so much. Told her im now with Mazreen (she's a pri sch fren so she knows Mazreen too) and she was so surprised. Asked me to bring him to McD soon, and she ajak jumpa, and i cant wait coz i miss her la. Amazing how the friendship lasted since we were in Pri 4 all the way til now.

... Teringat dulu during recess time pri school, i would sit with her at the staircase, temankan her during her prefect duty. And the letter-writing since we left pri school :) I don't know anyone else who's into letter-writing like that other than me and her.

ok til here. can't think of anything else to update.

oh. saw a preeetteeee pair of heels on this nyonya woman in the train this morning coz i was sitting opposite her. it's so pretty. sungguh super-duper pretty. sky-blue, open toe, very tinggi, with a cute ribbon at the front. very obviously exp. sungguh tak kena with the nyonya ni.

imusm

last night's exercise didn't happen, hehe.

Pag & fam came over and had dinner at our house, and they brought mee goreng and all, and its been a while since kita makan ramai2 like that so it was very nice.

i slept at 10 straight til this morning. i dreamt of people learning how to pronounce haute couture. black & white.

one of these days shall take 1/2 day leave to go tampines polyclinic... it's been 2 years and it's back, and im worried, what with the whole colorectal report in the papers. Told my mom this morning and she nagged instead, which only added to my worries. haiyah.

sometimes i wish i can be re-born so i can start anew with a new healthy body. one that i'll stuff with veg and fruits rich in fibre.

nothing much to update la, other than weekend was very bad - worst saturday ever spent with M - and i dont want to update abt that. Didn't get to watch Eternal Sunshine also, coz tickets were sold-out.

Feeling really sleepy today... even the nap during lunchtime mcm didn't help like that.

Hot horlicks and teh and coke and prata at Jln Kayu last night with M. After which we went to some fishing place at Punggol overlooking PGU port, so prettiness and sleepy place like that... and i was funkifed ada police station (made from some cntr thing) kat situ. And that house at Punggol which M pointed out to me? Malam masa nak tido, i cdn't sleep at all, imagining things like that.

speaking of ghosts. Sunday night was fun, family bonding over durians :)

Diet starts again today. Ambitious me wants to go do some form of exercise tonight..

Aisyah: we jog ah tonight... or if u malas want to jog, then I jog, u walk..
Me: how about u jog.. i drive? hehehe.

shall see how it goes. thing is, i know that im not fat. (altho people might think otherwise, haha) For my height (1.6m), my weight (the highest it went so far is 52kg) is ok. I'm just not toned, so jogging wont help. (Yoga and that breathing thing might? hehee.) we see howhow lah this diet thing.


Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.


;)

tired
scared
unsure
penitent
confused
annoyed
wondering

tears.

arazak87 says:
buah mangga yg tak muda sangat dan yg tak tuer sangat ape namernye?
Shida says:
entah.. wa tak pandai ah bro benda2 gini..
arazak87 says:
mangosTEEN ah sis
arazak87 says:
huehueuheuheu


- Nenek, Raihan & Wak tak jadi sleepover my house. Instead they all sleeping at Nenek's house. Probably tmrw then sleep here.

- In love with Clay Aiken/Kimberly Locke "Without You"

- waaaaant to watch "Endless Sunshine of The Spotless Mind" I hope we can get good seats tmrw.

elevan racing team is Mazreen.

Shida says:
her daughter getting married in dec... she ask me to be kendarat. and guess what?
elevan racing team ........... says:
i also have to help out????
Shida says:
haha.. no lah.. but she did say... she's looking for people to wash dishes..
Shida says:
then my mom say "kalau betul takder orang, shida ada kawan boleh tolong"... and then my mom turn to me and say, "mazreen boleh kan buat gitu?" hahaha.
Shida says:
but she's looknig for bangla man to wash ah..
elevan racing team ........... says:
bangla eh
elevan racing team ........... says:
ok nvm.. i shall be that bangla.. hahahaha


... and horror of all horrors: I got to wear baju made from same kain as Aisyah, something which I have never done before in my whole entire life. I've never been into the whole baju-kurung-sama-as-everyone-else-in-family, and im horrified I got to do so now. Altho its really sweet of the Makcik to buy for us the kain and all (and I have to admit the kain is so cantik) I cant imagine me and Aisyah wearing the same baju ni.

Clonaid ah.

having an sms convo with Mazreen. told him i feel like eating fish & chips (sudden craving ah) and he gave suggestions where to eat at, and i was disagreeing with his choices, so he told me anywhere la, he dont mind. so i got annoyed, thinking that he malas want to layan me already, and told him so. that started off a long discussion thru sms, abt honesty and whatnots. the sms convo just ended recently, on a nice lovely note - our differences usually get settled this way. i usually end up feeling happy and loved and wonderful, hehe, thanks to the lovely and wonderful guy on the other end of the sms exchange :)

in my last post, i said im a part-time princess, and i want to be a full-time one? That's due to my selfishness, and my want to hog all of his attention (i read up somewhere on the net though that it's normal for girls to do that, though its not that good la.) When I'm with him, he treats me so good, like a princess la if I may sound kental and say that.. but when apart, when he's in camp or wherever else, i feel dispensable.. ? not sure if that's the right word. like forgotten, or just a speck of something in his life, not someone special.. which is incredibly stupid, if i may so myself, coz he does layan me more than enough thru sms and calls, but me being me.. sometimes people just dont know how to appreciate things la, always want more only eh? that's me la.

self-realisation. i shall change this attitude man, be a better person. heh :) bear with me while i change.

You make me want to be a better person. (cheh, jiwang eh)

anyhoos. his dad asked him again last night if my parents got say anything abt tunang or hantar cincin or whatever tu. (for the record, my parents didn't.) Mazreen told his dad that he doesn't want to tunang also, nak nikah ajer, but no money at the moment. so i brought up the topic of nikah gantung and all that.. sampai balik rumah talk on the phone pun masih talk abt this. made me frustrated in the end, but i think he got what I was trying to say. Did u?

but anyhow, i have told him (and myself too) that we shan't talk abt this anymore, til the time is right, we have money and all that. no point discussing it now also. quite sad though, i love talking abt this.. hehee.

from MSN -
None of the previous "Bachelor" bachelors - Alex Michel, Aaron Buerge, Andrew Firestone and Bob Guiney - has ended up with the women they chose on the show. The two women who starred in "The Bachelorette" have fared far better - Trista Rehn married the man she chose, Ryan Sutter, in a $4 million televised ceremony, and Meredith Phillips is engaged to Ian McKee.

what does this show? That when girls throw themselves at a guy and compete for him, it wont work. Guys are meant to be the chasers.. not the one chased. Somehow the girl, as the 'prize' after competing with so many other guys, is cherished more than the girl whom the guy gets to pick from a group of girls who are waiting adoringly for him to make a decision.

Not that I'm an expert, but don't u just agree with me, based on the relationships of the bachelors/bachelorettes so far? I dont believe in playing hard to get, but now I got believe in letting guys be the chasers, girls be the pickers.. based on the show and on past experiences also *mad laughter*

but none of my concern la actually.. I picked mine already. *mad laughter again* I would like to think that I saved him from ever being a chaser (other than for me, haha) for the rest of his life.. *endless mad laughs now*

OK la, penat ketawa. Not that i was laughing out loud.. just the mini-shidas in my head ajer laughing.

Ok ni mcm dah go mad already. tengah serious topic, terus mad laughters and mini-me semua terkeluar. aper dah.

just had a cute convo with M on the phone. he's so the cutest la. (yes, ugly but adorable.. haha.)

ok this entry mcm dah too long already. so just point form from here onwards.

- Nenek, Raihan & Wak might be sleeping over my house tonight.

- Rizal's birthday today. Sms Didi to tell him.. and Didi reply back, "Thank Shida. So sweet of you." yeah yeah, sweet of me eh :)

- met Aisyah's bf MUHAIMIN *sly smile to Aisyah* yesterday at Pasir Ris park when fetching Aisyah from their bbq. can't believe my bf so kaypoh, so cute in joining me in teasing Aisyah, so clever think up of all sort of ideas to further torture Aisyah. so cute la.

- My mom called saying Mak Long (eldest aunt on dad's side) is going umrah in July. My dad's side of the family is kinda dysfunctional ah.. Ever since my paternal grandma passed away in 1995 we aren't close to them at all, i just see them on hari raya ajer. itu pon not all the aunts/uncles. my dad can't be bothered with them, my mom can't get along well with them, and i haven't spoken to some of the cousins since.. years ago. Tmrw one of the aunts having kenduri at Jurong.. my parents maybe going. I'm not la. Realise that if it's on my mom's side, I'll be so eager to go. haha.

- ok that was quite a long story also. back to pt form.

- nothing else to write actually. hehee. i feel like i got overdose on sugar or something, mcm hyper in my head gitu. weird.

- fiq just came online, msn. i closed the window already la, i actually wanted to paste up the convo, mcm kelakar gitu. he said "hey whats up." (next line) "ok bye.. im going to sleep. if i never say hi wait u say i proud, sombong, hao lian, proud (indian slang)" i was laughing when i read that, mcm kelakar like that.

- ok dah habis cerita for today.

update - now 1454hrs

lunch at sakura city hall with fiq was nice. over kway teow beef, lemon chicken (mine), wanton soup & baby kailan (his) Talked abt my car - and abt the upcoming Motorshow at Expo next weekend)- and my plans to continue studies (we were supposed to do the counselling dip together, but of course money issue is a prob for me now. plus he has moved on to the degree already. so im like dah ketinggalan plus no motivation to pursue it also now) abt work, abt our relationships. it was nice.. my personal psychologist :)

on the walk back to the office alone, i was thinking abt some stuff... and came to realise that im a part-time princess. out of respect to a certain someone I wont elaborate further (yet). but yeah i do feel like a part-time princess.

.. i wish i could be one full-time.

had a case of bad cold last night - was sneezing and sniffing throughout dinner at Mak's Place (eh, sedapnyer the food here - wished i could stuff more of that delicious food into meself - going to bring M here someday) Took all sorts of pills once i was home.. white flu pill, half of the yellow pill, pill for phlegm, pill for muscle relaxant, and one for headache.

Felt like a prune this morning.

Had Thai Spicy Fried Rice at mak's place, my mom and liza had some yellow mee thing, my dad had Beef Fried Rice, Aisyah had black pepper steak. we ordered Black pepper beef and lemon chicken as side orders. sedap la.

meeting fiq for lunch at city hall... more lemon chicken.

I still feel flu-ish.

Thank God I Found You
- Mariah Carey, 98 Degrees -

I would give up everything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself for the longest time, so cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache would not subside
I felt like dying, until you saved my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Because without you beside me I can't survive
Don't wanna try
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be all right


I was chatting to Farah last night on msn.. talked abt Maria.. she pointed out that every person has their own version of Mr/Ms Right, and how we are all differnet people when we are with our bf/gf, than when we are with other people. She said she likes quiet guys, maria perhaps likes domineering guys. Which made me tell her, i dunno what kind of guy I really want. (to which she said, you want a tall sweet guy - meaning Mazreen. hehee)

.. Everything in Mazreen are things that I never knew I've always wanted, u know? That is what makes it quite..erm..funky actually, coz I didn't like, set out to meet a certain kind of guy - instead I guess we stumbled upon each other and as each day goes by, I get to know more abt him (and vice versa?) and it just grows from there. I could list here as to why this guy is just so lovely and wonderful and perfect to me, but malas la.. as long as i know, its enough already, haha.

Alhamdulillah. so far things are good, and for that I'm thankful.

ok first batch of pix up. hopefully u all can view it, if not tell me pls. i can be found on msn or email me shida_hussin@hotmail.com.

note - the pics show some of me w/out tudung in the hotel room at kl (or rather, in pajamas :) I thought no one reads this blog other than a handful of people i know, so there's no chance of some guy looking at the pics other than M.. so yeah yeah. It's up there.

This picture stuff is cool once u get the hang of it.. hehee.

i lurrrve my new pc at home. its just so bright (windows xp as opposed to windows dunno-what at work - even the old pc at home wasn't xp) and fast and i've just discovered the joys of putting a pic on msn, and it nicely has a slot just for the CompactFlash - digital camera - card, and it's black (i've always loved black pc, black cars, black clothes, u get the idea la eh..)

Speaking of black. i never knew Wayne Wonder (of Hold Me Now) is a black guy. The voice sounds like it should belong to a Gareth-Gates-lookalike.

Mazreen dear came over just now, konon kata he wants to look at KL pictures.. when I know he actually wanted to see me.. *grins* So my dad, being very conservative and all that, said we'll look at the pix on the tv outside instead of me being in my room with M ajer. Looked everywhere for the wire to connect the camera to the tv (usually if cannot find something right, my dad will just give up and say we just look at the pc can la. tapi this time round, cari sampai jumpa.. haha) Finally found it, to his relief, and we watched it outside.

Then watched Anugerah or whatever show tu, and Man at Forty on Channel 8 together with him. niceness.

it was so embarassing to see pictures of us together in front of my parents.

still figuring out how to use shutterfly or photobucket. i've never been good with stuff like this... so it might be months before the photos finally go online, hehe.

from tmrw onwards, he wont be coming home every night. he'll be free from whatever time he's free til 2359 ajer. which actually doesn't really affect me that much coz my curfew is at 11pm, so i also dont understand why im feeling the way i do. haha.

its 12am now. i should go sleep - kalau tak, tmrw soooo hard to wake up la.

embarassing note for the day. i actually rushed for a seat today in the train on the way home, just to beat this man who was running around for seats. i got the seat and terus mcm buat muka peng, and he rushed off to another vacant seat. this man eh, he looks like your normal colleague, with long sleeve shirt and all, 40++ year old.. tapi behaviour buruk seh, terlari-lari for seats like that.

... but who am i to say that eh. im just as embarassing.. hahaha. BUT my behaviour is justified because i did that just to beat him. People shouldn't rush for seats, its so undignified.

Case of the pot calling the kettle black. (or something like that la, hehee)

i had cramps on my left leg (what's the body part in btwn your knee and ankle - at the back - called?) in the middle of the night, while sleeping. So painful til i cried... tapi this Aisyah still slept very peacefully through it all, oblivious to the pain that her sister is going through, tak berguna betul. My left leg feels like the muscle very tight like that - is this how Marion Jones with her muscly legs feel? Da gitu, i had a weird dream - of a sec sch friend who wore identical gleaming white knee-high cowboy boots with her sisters at Yano's house. Tak paham sungguh the dream.. but then my dreams dont usually make sense so yeah white boots dream shall remain a mystery.

Peed 3 times in the past 2 hours. Must be due to Chrysanthemum tea and Coke Light with Lemon and a bottle of plain water I had this morning. Random info which you need not need to know, hehee.

"I got 99 problems but a b i t c h aint one.."
all these while i been wondering what Jay'z been saying when he rapped that line. I got 99 problems but kuching one? Goh cheng nun? Aisya's friend solved the mystery for me, so thank u for that. One reason why you must always peek at the pc screen when your sister is on msn. hehee.

The outdoor movie thing is on again, and I was at the website looking at the schedules and all that.. wondering if Mazreen would want to go with? huh huh huh? $11 for a weekday ticket, $15 for a weekend one. (a bit exp like that eh?) But i saw in the pix on the website mcm ramai orang like that, all cramped up. Tak best kan gitu - i've never liked being in crowds. I've always been wanting to go to a drive-in movie but i also wonder how to do that in my car that doesn't have a removable top? (my english's failing me today - what's that removable top called?) Plus, do they have such things in sg? Anyhoo, the movies they playing at the sg one isn't as good as the ones at KL nie, tak fair sungguh. But they are playing About A Boy - one of my fave movie (on Tues 22/6) and Love Actually, another favourite, is on Thurs 1/7. The ticket price is such a deterrent ah.

Abg Aim got back from umrah yesterday - sweetness, he bought for me 2 pretty tudungs, and that chain thing to put on the car mirror - simple yet very nice. How come he knows that i had been looking for a nice one eversince the first one punyer tali terputus? Last night was spent with just Aisya eating chocs and watching channel 8's Man At Forty (damns good show, i think last episode today?) and Friends. M came over for a while to send Kak Su's baju and my 2 tudungs (so now i have 4 new tudungs. mcm excited to wear them like that.. which one to wear first? can i wear them all at once? hehe)

.. btw. M will be doing office hours for the next few mths, so that's quite good... kan?

work email is down and everyone's being very stressed but im sitting here typing this out feeling non-stressy and looking fwd to eating my delifrance chocolate croissant and wondering why M isn't replying my sms - are u simply busy or are u at a lost for words - again - coz i was venting abt how i need to pee but the toilet is always full? hehe. i hope he doesn't mind that sometimes things like this tends to stress me out... and because kak su is busy so i cant complain to her abt someone hogging the toilet, so i got to turn to him pulak. just the other time on the way back from kl, he commented that i can be quite disgusting at times (*cue snorting laughter?*) and that he thought i was a quiet person, and he never knew i can be bising.

im not bising, i still think im very introverted.

anyhoo, to move to greener pastures (takde kena-mengena with anything, sorry abt that) Cik Ati and her son Reja from Medan is here, staying at Didi's house. Yesterday parents went over to visit them but didn't ask me along ni. So I haven't met them yet - Insya'Allah soon I will. Syaza will be coming over to my house in the afternoon for the next few days i think, coz Kak Yanti went back yesterday to her kampung (this morning I was just thinking abt it, how happy she must be feeling now, re-united with her family after 2 years tak jumpa. mesti emo eh... she'll be back in 2 weeks for a one year stay)

Aisya, if u reading this, go change the money from Om Mukhlis cepat2 lah. We need new contact lenses la.

today's post is full of random stuff. I'm bored la.

to-do list for tonight.
- full bathing session. at least an hour to do the whole works?
- wash brown skirt.
- upload pix on PhotoBucket (thanks Shakirah, if you reading this, for the info :)
- iron whatever i want to wear for tmrw (but most prob will do this tmrw morning in a rushy2 manner)

Thank u for the wake-up calls. Not really that effective coz i usually fall asleep again after that, but its sweet nonetheless :)

imu sm.

so im back in the office after a week-long break.

let's do a this time last week ok. this time last week, i was at bk at klcc with M, pag, aisya, syaza, liza and hafiz, while waiting for Shrek 2 at 1pm. KL trip, all in all, was good. Other than Falee's car breaking down at dunno-where and he gets to drive a Volvo, courtesy of Emelia. sungguh aksyen, hehe.

My grandma thinks Mazreen is (in her own words) "lawar betul kawan shida tu.. tinggi, kurus, mcm cina2 gitu." I forgot to tell M that my grandma's hearing is not good anymore, so im not sure if he talked loud enough for my grandma to hear.. heh.

Anyhoos. I didn't really get many things at KL. We reached KL on sunday afternoon, after check in hotel, we went to Bt Bintang eat nasi ayam (ooh its been toooo long) Then parents went KLCC while me, Mazreen and Aisya stayed at bt bintang. Got tired after a while, so went back to hotel to sleep. malam went to klcc fish shop and then back to hotel coz somehow the 3 of us had flu like that, and watched tv. next day (monday) woke up at 7 plus, bathed, went to buy prata & milo ice behind concorde with M, then went to pag's room, then went to watch shrek 2 at klcc. Funkiness tau, the queue to buy the movie tix was soooo long. like seriously long, i have never seen such things at sg before man. and there was this kid who jumped queue, he went straight in front of me and M. and then when we were abt to reach the front (maybe abt 5 more people infront of us) the mom was already at the counter buying her tickets already. funkifying.

.. after shrek 2, we walked ard klcc, then went back to hotel in the afternn again to sleep. malam went to Sari Ratu or Ratu Sari at Bt Bintang - had paru which was sungguh keras for RM13, sungguh not worth it. got scolded by my dad for choosing things without looking properly. how was i supposed to know that the paru was so keras like that, i told him.. when actualy i knew already, but malu to tell the guy i didn't want coz he already cut the first piece. hehee. RM116 for something we could get for S$20 at that sabar menanti place at masjid sultan. not worth it so dont go there.

anyhoos. played scrabble with pag and falee and aisya in our room at night til 5am the next day while M fell slept on the sofa (I won first game, Falee won 2nd game) Laughed til i snorted numerous times, very embarassing - but seriously it was funny the words that pag came up with. Btw, sierra is apparently a real word, accdg to M and Falee (known only to NS people agaknya) Woke M up to ask him if got such a word and he just stared at me one kind and then fell asleep - which made Pag and Aisyah laughed like mad again. after 2 games, slept, woke up at 1pm the next day. went to Times Square, then to Bt Bintang chicken rice, then walked ard there, bought ProjectShop bag, a top at the corner ethnic shop at BB Plaza, and M bought me heels, so prettiness :) Then we sent Aisya back to hotel, and me and him went to Masjid India - he bought tudungs for his sisters and mom and 2 for me and kain for his mom and baju punjabi for himself and his dad. then went to klcc fish shop for dinner, then back to hotel. next day check out hotel, went to melaka eat durians, then reached home at abt 10.

Thursday went to meet maria at starbucks at TM.. and halfway thru her bf came to join us. irritations sungguh coz we were talking abt something interesting and the bf being there of course make us like, cannot talk abt it already. i cdn't think of a nice way to say i wanted to balik (coz we were supposed to go for dinner together, me and maria. i didnt want to go with the bf there la) so i asked M to save me, and then we went to sakura eastpt for dinner.

oh. bought a pc on thursday too, coz the home pc dah mati. $2k for an Acer at Funan Challenger. Is there anyway i can stop people from dl-ing unwanted things into the pc... ?

sunday, went to send Bak & Aunty Rosnah, they went umrah. Slept the afternoon away, and at night went to meet M.

so that was my week. i can't believe so fast it passed by, i so wish im still at kl right now. i miss the nasi ayam and nando's mango smoothie and fish shop squid rings already. I had no time to buy caramel cream when i was there though.

side apologetic note - to all those who had to put up with my bad temper and sulks and all other bad behaviour for the past few days, im really sorry. sincerest apologies from the bottom of my heart. it has to be pms, coz im not normally like this, and im sorry this pms-bad-behaviour has been going on for the past few days.. it will stop soon, hopefully...

.. and jealousy shall be stopped too. somehow someway i have to stop getting jealous easily and being possesive.

Ahmad Nisfu eh?

yesterday afternoon was spent at tekong. funkiness la the whole thing - trying to figure out which one was M, finally found him, sekali salah orang, then look somemore. finally saw him again. have never seen a cuter soldier in my whole life, hehehe.

at night M followed me to office to clear the stuff under my table. It's something i do before i go on long leave so konon bila balik office, it's like a fresh new start =)

Pag and fam dah start their journey to KL already. It's 12.45 now and they baru bertolak dari Jurong Pt. I'll be on my way there, Insya'Allah, tmrw morning with my own beloved fam and M. (fam and M sounds cute. mcm F&N)

sungguh cannot wait to eat at Fish Shop. sungguh cannot wait for some wonderful caramel creamo. sungguh cannot wait to spend 4 days straight (24/4?? heh) with irritating bf.

will be back at work on 14th June. continue blogging then.

my mom can't go today... liza has a fever, so my dad dont let her go. so im going with just his parents.

i realised my last haircut was a disaster. shdn't have asked her to give a blunt cut la. another haircut at KL i shall have.

the makcik came over yesterday and talked abt the wedding. me and aisyah laughed like mad when mama told the whole story, my dad easily dismissed it as the makcik is not real, she's fantasising too much. im happy for kak farah - finally its happening, u know? but its scary to hear what the makcik had to say.

Grace called last night! She just came in from Jakarta, and will be going back to the US on Sat 5am. She wants to meet up this afternoon, but I can't, so i told her to just take loads of pix and send them over to me. I was so surprised when she called i started doing girly screams "graaaaace!!! yooooouuuu called!!!" and she also did the same, hehe. so cute. After that, told my mom abt the convo, and she was like jokingly saying "kenapa lah bukan anak aku yg jadi mcm gitu.." and i told her Jun Li's story (got them off Grace, hah) and she was like terdiam for a while ;)

i so wish i can see Grace. suddenly mcm missing my tkg days like that.

anyhoo. can't wait for sunday. one week leave. back on the 14th.

i lost the battle with my mom, haha. She is coming to tekong tmrw. My efforts to stop her from going was in vain, coz it seemed as if everyone was against me, including the bf himself. No one could understand why I didn't want her to go, so in the end i just gave up and said ok. rather than have the world world protesting kan.

on a better happier note, today's our 9 years 4 mths anniversary ;)

after greetings were exchanged, M said that this year we can celebrate at kl.. with a Yahoo at the end of the sms lagi. so cute. will be seeing him in 25 hrs Insya'Allah, and KL in 2 and a half days! I sooo cant wait :)

nothing much to say la. sent Abg Aim off smlm, then temankan pag and syaza til the plane flew off, had lunch at the airport, went challenger (where my dad spent hours choosing a PC, then in the end decided to ask his friend to repair the pc at home first) and then went to Serangoon gardens buy food, then sent some to M's house, then home. bathed, went out to meet M, sent him off at p.ris, went to fetch aisya at her friend's house at jln.sayang, then home, ate durians, talked to M, slept.

im having the strange sensation of being hungry and needing a break. confusion ah. hehee.

went to Robinsons tadi with kak su. the cashier was this middle-aged lady who's a little on the heavy side and her name tag says Baby Leong. funky kan. i would be so embarassed to put that kind of name on my name tag, i'll put just my surname seh.

to the toilet i shall go now.

... can sunday come faster...

nurshida hussin is the last of the great eccentrics. The funny thing is, she doesn't know it. She thinks her behaviour is perfectly normal. She sees herself as a pillar of propriety and a paragon of protocol. nurshida has strong views about every topic under the sun. There's not a subject she doesn't know about or a moral point she can't pontificate on. nurshida is entitled to be a little arrogant. She knows an awful lot about an awful lot of things. She is well versed, well rehearsed, and deeply immersed in the kind of knowledge that we lesser mortals can only dream of attaining. Thankfully, she is there to shed the light and show the way. This, she does generously and patiently, as befits a person of superior intellect. nurshida hussin is wise, intelligent and (thankfully) oblivious to irony.

Or, at least, that's how nurshida hussin is, at her worst. She can't help it. She's an Aquarian and Aquarians are infamous for their occasional outbursts of pomposity.

Happily there is another truly delightful side to her. nurshida is as honest as the day is long, as generous as the ocean is deep. This is partly where the eccentricity comes from, for a person with such strong opinions nurshida is surprisingly willing to please. she is keen to win friends and influence people. She loves to feel that she belongs. She always wants to be in on the action, part of the scene and one of the gang. Rather like Groucho Marx though, she is never sure that she would want to be part of any club that would a member. She is always on the lookout for some new cause to support, or enterprise to sign up to.

You might think that this would make her fickle but actually nurshida is exceedingly loyal. She may be forever expanding her horizons but she never forgets her friends and she never reneges on her commitments. This is why, despite the highly idiosyncratic nature of nurshida's personality, so many people think the world of her.

click here for yr own personal analysis

talked to Maria last night. she'll be on leave next thursday and since im on leave too, so tentatively we meeting up. maybe meet farah this sat. not sure yet, coz tak tahu is Jai is working i think. supposed to go out with her last sat coz M wasn't supposed to come back kan. but since he came back, so farah was cancelled.. i know she doesnt really mind though :) coz if positions were reversed i know she wd do the same, and it'll be ok with me too.. we actually had a convo abt this sometime ago, hehe, so all's gd.

i can't wait to go kl!

"She is a fabulous First Lady. I was a lucky man when she said, yes, I agree to marry you. I love her dearly, and I'm proud of the job she's doing on behalf of all Americans. Just like I love my brother." -- George Bush, Jacksonville, Florida, Sep. 9, 2003 (funky kan, he loves his wife like he loves his brother..)