i keep thinking this friday is either next friday, or its thursday. it doesnt make much sense to me like that - but i keep on getting confused what day it is.

M masih belum call.... i hope he's still coming out today.

kmal's ex appeared on mtv last night, just as i switched on that channel doing that mtv most wanted dedication thing with her friend. i wonder if he saw it.

went to IP with kak su, saw a very pretty brown top, but instead bought 2 tops in a different shop. now am regretting - shd have bought the first brown top pasal so pretty and i dont have something like that. saw a pair of pretty brown flats with rounded front... but i dont feel for shoe-buying at the moment.

nothing else to blog. randomness today. am hungry.

who is fefe dobson btw? she keeps appearing on mtv but i dunno what she does.

super sleepy. super missing M.

that's when i love you (from "how to deal" soundtrack)

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Thats when I love you...

felt very stupid during lunch today - i brought home from home today, but i forgot all abt it and so i went bk to buy food. sekali dah habis makan and all, sekali teringat that i actually had food already.. and tak kan nak makan bk AND the food from home kan, so im not sure what to do with it now. haha.

heard on power 98 that ayer rajah something collapsed?

btw. changed blog layout yesterday. i found out that the old one actually had an advert in the middle of the page.. but it doesnt show on my pc nie. so i changed, so it doesnt cut in the middle anymore. its not as nice i think, but takper lah.

booked hotel at kl already - dah receive confirmation pon. so cepat.

found a cockroach in the toilet just now. damns terkejut and ran out. still need to pee now tapi takut nak pergi. hehee.

28 hrs more.

hp bill is $83.66. am wondering how come so much. usually i use vpost so i dont get the hardcopy anymore, but entah kenapa this vpost so gatal, decided to change from simple text files to pdf files, and i can't open pdf files at work.. so i cant view my april bill. irritating. anyways i already called them up, asked them to send me hard copies from now on - will start in may. meaning my dad will open my bills again and each month i'll be subjected to more scoldings coz he thinks hp bills shd be at most $20.

anyways. 33 hours more to see M! been doing a countdown since yesterday 6pm - 50 hrs. hehehe. aisyah keeps muttering Insya'Allah everytime i say how many more hours.. and yeah Insya'Allah in 33 hrs more i be seeing u baby. i can't wait. somehow as it gets closer to friday i get more irritated that time is passing too slowly. i wish i can press a fwd button somewhere and have my life fast-forwarded to tmrw night. Insya'Allah if he gets to come back. I hope he's doing fine. I miss him.

what other things to say. parents went JB yesterday, they bought loads of food, Alhamdulillah so full makan all of them. apparently Fruit & nut choc has changed their packaging to Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut. dulu it was just Fruit & Nut. heh. at night went geylang with parents. got into another argument abt the car - parents want to put that window thing which i think is obscenely ugly. (i dunno what it's called la, but dulu abg suhaimi gave it to us coz his friend works at proton - funky panjang the links - and it stops the rain from splashing into the car interior if you open windows)

... my parents sungguh semangat to put it, and abg aim had to join in the other day asking me to put it, and u know how abg aim can be once he's convinced u must do something? his car has it also i think. but i dont want it la.... and parents were going on and on until in the end my dad said "dah semua jgn cakap dgn ida lagi la.. orang kalau dah degil, macam2 reasons dia boleh bagi" then i tried to aksyen merajuk and said whatever la, put it up if you want. then they just kept quiet. so i think this argument will come up again soon.. i got to think of newer reasons. hehehe.

abt last friday's post - what happened to that kid.. last i heard yesterday was that the kids who did it were expelled from school yesterday and they apparently told him to take care (sinister? unknown) im worried of course - if only i can fetch him to and from school every day. they were taunting him yesterday, asking if he reported them to the police, but he been advised not to talk to them at all so he walked away and then these 2 friggin kids were called to the principal's room and their parents were there already, and they were expelled then. parents cried and apparently tried to beg but principal said its a serious matter and they cant have such students and that kind of thing going on in school. yea it happened in the school tau - which is why im so pissed off with the teachers and anyways they are also getting called up and im glad for that coz if they were more vigilant, more interested in what went on during toilet breaks, what happened wd not have happened.

i wish things can be undone, i wish he hadn't went to that school, i wish for so many things. it angers me so much to hear what happened. i wonder how the expelled kids' mothers feel? someone told me yesterday that she feels sad that the kids were expelled coz their future is ruined. apa dah - abis the kid yg kena tu, his future not ruined ke? Im glad they were expelled and im hoping worst things happen to them.

... dont get me wrong. I am not such a mean-hearted person to wish that bad things happen to people, but tell me how would you feel if someone you saw grow up getting hellish treatment in school to such an extent? would you be alright with the kids just getting expelled as punishment?

if you are, then excuse me for wanting them to get life imprisonment at least.

am trying hard not to be envious of something and try to count my blessings at the same time. hard thing to do.

i had another dream of Mazreen last night. but as usual, can't remember what it's abt.. i remember my dad was in it, Nenek also, and Mazreen was in it... funkiness. terwoke up late this morning - 8.25 am... and no tudung was ready and all so it was really rushing coz had to iron them first.. tapi sempat makan breakfast dulu. haha.

abt 2 and a half more days to see my b!! Guy Sebastian's song on radio now. guess who it reminds me of :) wrote him this looong letter last night telling him abt my days and all. might or might not pass it to him coz letter's full of nonsense actually, but that letter-writing helped lessen the missing-him feeling. somehow i felt as if i was communicating with him while writing it, so yeah. hehe, sounds like a load of crap ah, but really it helped.

have to go bank to transfer money from posb to uob. tmrw they deducting the car payment. feels like only yesterday they deducted the last payment like that... sigh. singtel bill coming late somehow this month. called them up yesterday, asked where's my bill coz usually i get it on the 26th or 27th. they said something came up and so they giving me on the 30th. am hoping it's below $50. my dad took leave today to send the car for the servicing at the proton place there... and later in the afternoon he and my mom going to JB. since i can't go, i kirim food.. fruit & nut, pizza, spag, subway. am hungry now thinking abt it. i feel for coke also ah.

my dad also asked proton workshop, if they were to repair the dent at the front of the car, how much will it be. bear in mind first that when we asked this workshop at tampines, they said it was for $250. the place where falee repaired his car said it was abt $200 i think. this proton said it costs $320! maaaahal kan. i think it's been nearly 2 mths the dent is there? i can't be bothered to repair it ah... (more like, i dont have the money. hahaha.)

aisyah cutely tried to cabut sekolah in the morning before recess smlm and go for b'fast with her classmates at mcdonalds. wanted to tell her to not bother doing such stuff, but then i tried doing that in sec sch also so im in no position to stop her i guess. but i dont really mind coz she did tell me and i know she wdn't lie where she's going and with who plus i trust her a lot so yeah i hope she had fun and she wont do it often ok beb. its so fun to being an older sis.. hehe :)

still haven't booked hotel for kl trip. yesterday called up their sg office and they say still have rooms. my mom say dont use my debit card to book, instead use my dad's credit card no... and i still haven't get it from him yet. so masih belum book lor. i hope M is going so we can use the ocbc money instead coz i think i'll be broke.. haha.

i like Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry". and britney's everytime. hehee.

please friday come quick. i didnt think it was possible to miss someone this much.. but i am. so much so that sometimes it feels like i got this dull heavy-leaded feeling in my heart.

jiwangness.

Pag and Abg Aim together with Nenek and Kak Yanti came over last night coz syaza was over at our house.. that girl is sooo cute nie. i came home and she came out, "where are you aunty shida?" terus hug and all. and so cute bila she talk english, "I want to chicken." as in, I want chicken... everything that she wants, she'll say it as "I want to (insert item name)" its so cute how the english is so wrong but she proudly uses it.

They went back at abt 10plus, and my dad had to carry her down pasal she thinks she's going klcc with my dad around..

And I have been cordially invited to the high tea *excited grins at kak ana - hehe* next friday! smlm pag told me, terus kena buat muka aksyen tak tahu like that... and then tanya pag, apa occasion? siapa nak belanja? hehe..

So after endless schemings, we are finally going :) so yeah yeah thanks to mak ita, pag and me and syaza and kak ana going to high tea. finally i can have the sedaplicious bread pudding. shall stop excitement now - but its so cool, i suddenly love mak ita so much now.. hehe. I guess I be taking full day off and then send pag and syaza for the check up in the morning and then fetch kak ana and then we go? Excitedness ah. Free makans is always good.

kak ana, think what to wear ;)

other than this, nothing much else to blog. i actually forgot to sms Mazreen last night before sleeping (but i did send a msg on my way back from work) I had a gooood sleep last night, sampai this morning kalau boleh mcm tak nak bangun - had a dream with M in it, but I can't remember what it is.

... btw, are your dreams black & white or coloured? I think mine is always black & white... with an occasional greens in it. But I dont think I've ever seen yellow or purple (which syaza pronounce as peeple) while dreaming. I know the colours mean something but I dunno what exactly. so yeah.. random info for the day :)

Zizou, farah's bf whose name is actually Hidayat but somehow i got used to calling him zizou, sms me last night at 1am asking if i know where farah is... but coz I was asleep by then, I only replied this morning. to which he replied, farah dah balik. hehe. nampak sah eh, if this morning dia masih belum balik then it wd be quite worrying ah. Shan't think what's up with her.

I think I havent drove since last week M masuk camp? I keep thinking today is Wednesday. It's only Tuesday.. blah. I feel like time is passing by too slowly. I wonder how is M..

Might blog more later. Right now shall be happy thinking that in abt 3 and a half days I be seeing M, and that in a week and a half im going to eat my bread pudding.

... I bet kak ana dah go apply for leave tau. hehehe.

btw. huge pimple on cheek ah. please go away before friday. stress betul gini.

5 more days.

saturday has never felt more boring. i swear i can't remember how i spent my saturdays before i met M tau..

yesterday i was done with my stuff at work at abt 2 plus.. i went back at nearly 4+ just so i dont have to think about where I'm going. Pathetic eh :) Supposed to go JB smlm but tak jadi, so we going today. I'm at work now - one thing im glad abt is that I have to work on the weekend that M didnt come out - its like the army knows I'm working so they plan the field camp this weekend.. hehee.

aisya's friend, fara's bro, who is also at tekong (went in one day before M did) just got back from his field camp.. said it was very tiring and all that.

... i wonder how M is right now. I hope he's surviving and doing good. I was planning on fetching him this friday night and then do the usuals - go his house, he change, then we go out for dinner. tapi after dengar fara bro tired like that, i think i just fetch him just to see him a while. then let him go back and rest. at least jumpa friday night better and earlier than sat morning kan. plus if he sleeps early and gets a good rest on friday night, then sat we can go have our movie marathon :)

last night went to zamzam to eat with family - then went home. and i heard my flop poppy after a looooong time! yeah yeah the highlight of my weekend :) i lurves that song so muches.. almost as muches as i loves youuuu.

supposed to go geylang today tau actually. my dad drove taxi today, but at 12 plus got accident - some cab go ram into the cab my dad driving and its apparently very badly damaged. so my dad's home now - therefore we going jb lah. i was so terkejut aisyah sms me saying my dad cab got into accident - terus called the house. Alhamdulillah my dad nothing happen to him.

Talked abt KL trip with my dad last night. parents wants to go langkawi 2 nights, kl 2 nights but me and 2 sisters opposed the idea. We still want KL ajer. so parents relented - one night genting, 3 nights kl. Going on monday 7th June (drew's bday!)

... I hope M can make it.

other than above ramblings, i have nothing else to blog. im waiting for parents to call to say they are downstairs. i miss M so much. i know he won't have his hp til this friday but im going to send him at least one sms per day. and i know he doesn't look at the date/time of his received sms.. but who cares. nanti when he switches on his hp, he see many many sms - i know he'll be happy knowing i thought of him all the time.. hehehe.

last post i said i said 6 more days i be seeing him? how come today it's still 6 days nie? *confused*

M didn't sign on.

this irritating bf said whatever he said just to test my reaction.. irritating kan :) I of course was very gullible and believed him... hahaa..

.. but actually i'm quite thankful also, coz i think it made me think a bit.. shall not elaborate here what those thoughts are, but yeah im quite thankful he didn't sign on at the moment.

anyhoo. M called this morning at 4.55AM before he went for that field camp thing, sweetness eh. i cdn't sleep the whole night - had so many things on my head. he sms before calling, and i replied - then he called. talked for abt 25 minutes. that convo will last me til friday night ah. last night i didn't even get a good convo... i think at most we talked for 10 minutes? hung up the phone and felt like crying coz i hate it when things dont go my way. hahaa.

... but yea im glad he didn't sign on for that peacekeeping thing. i would rather he be here in sg safe and sound ;)

its 3.50pm on a saturday and im still in the office.

tmrw working. but at least next sat im not working. so i get to spend the whole day with youuuu.... i cant wait. end of the month, come faster.

last night shocked me with a lot of news like that. first off is something which happened to someone so dear to me he's like a kid bro.

it got me soooo friggin mad, and what made me so upset was that he must have felt so helpless til he behaved as such and that he can't tell anyone what happened. To know that there are such people who are despicable enough to want something like that to happen is just so sick it can make me puke. And i hope that whatever has happened will happen to the ones who did it. I seriously hope you somehow get the retribution of what you did, and have it a million times worst.

.. Got me so mad, and so angry like never before. Nearly angry enough to want to kill.

2nd one was something that Mazreen told me last night right before his sergeant or whoever came and we had to hang up. I am sungguh still in disbelief, I feel as if he's just kidding me (to test my reaction perhaps?)... or maybe it wasn't what he thinks it is... perhaps there's more interviews, more to the process?? And then, to make things worst, as I was questioning him so much last night, sekali kena hang up so I was left to sleep with so many questions in my head. he called this morning, we talked for less than 2 minutes, but I still asked him if it's true whatever he said last night, and he said yes...

I'm apprehensive ah.. and I'm confused. Didn't he say he didn't want to sign on? plus i dont think he would sign on when he hasn't told his parents kan?

A whole turmoil of thoughts and emotions. Add to that, my feelings abt the first matter - I feel so exhausted now. haha.

Am pissed off with whoever it was who came to catch them using the phone. Crucial phone call for me and kena hang up. tsk.

My brain feels underloaded as opposed to overloaded. I feel the need for more info abt both matters - and I want them now. annoyingly that's impossible so I got to wait some more.. IRRITATING lah like this.

I can't wait for his phone call tonight. Please today, pass by quick. Please let him be free by 8plus so we can talk the night away.

This week passed by quite fast, so I'm thankful for that. Hopefully next week will pass by even faster.

8 more days.

met up with maria last night at changi village after dinner.. missssed her so much. we were like counting when was the last time we met up, and can u believe it was during hari raya. that is 4 months ago tau. she looks much better now with her short hair and she's still with her bf who me and farah doesn't like at all. i seriously can't stand him with a passion. very ya-ya, very irritating, very loud in a tong kosong way like that. *suddenly teringat Mazreen's comments abt those line-dancers.. empty barrels make the most noise? hehe, cuteness - i misses him la*

anyway.. this Maria's bf... he's very like the guy who i mentioned in my january posts - the 19 yr old guy who was ultra annoying? i think i got tell everyone this before but shall repeat again coz it's classic how her bf was so friggin yaya when he said it the other time i was at TM with farah and maria and she brought this guy along, then me and farah were joking abt our car at the carpark. then this guy said, "eleh aksyen ada kereta konon. lesen belum ada, nak bising.." and me and farah terus like speechless, too funkified by his ya-yaness like that. maria corrected him saying we got our licence waaay before he did... and he just assumed a very peng face. sungguh tak boleh stand him.

so anyhoo she was telling me yesterday that she had a fight with him (they been together a year anyway) and everytime they fight, he wd call her names and then will ask for a break-up. without fail tau. i was sungguh funkified by that seh.. doesn't it say a lot abt your attitude twds the relationship if you can easily ask for a break-up over every single thing?

... and to call your gf names... that's sad kan. i think if you have to resort to name-calling, then the respect isn't there already lor, so why be together then if there's no respect for each other?

so i was telling M abt it last night. and i asked him if he wd do that ever... to ask for a breakup if we were to ever fight like that.. and he said he doesn't know what he might do in the future! that's not the answer i wanted and of course i got upset after that... i didn't think he would say that nie.

... haaaaiyah. shall cross the bridge when we come to it ah ok.

morrie said that 3 things are needed to make a relationship work.
- respect (which comes in so many forms ok)
- ability to talk to your partner abt anything at all btwn the both of you.
- your beliefs in the importance of the relationship. (as in, how impt the relationship is to you - shd be the same as your partner's.)

shall not continue this depressing topic.

... btw. i hate meanness from people i care abt.

anyhoo. smlm balik dari changi village (drove the long way thru pasir ris - takut to drive outside changi prison alone.. haha) reached home at 10.45pm, watched tv, read papers... M called at 12 plus. convo started off on a bad note, but after that he said something sweet that makes me smile even now thinking abt it :)

... i hope he's doing good at tekong. i misses u baby.

100 Ways to Love your Mate.
By Connie Saindon, MA.

1. Hug them.
2. Write a love note.
3. Call them at work just to say "Hi."
4. Give them a foot massage.
5. Tell them a joke.
6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with them.
8. Send them a "happy gram."
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Say: "I love you."
11. Indulge a whim.
12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.
13. Be trustworthy.
14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.
15. Look at them when you're in a discussion.
16. Send flowers.
17. Compliment something they did.
18. Offer to help.
19. Ask them to show you how to do something.
20. Call when you are going to be late.
21. Take them out to dinner.
22. Write them a poem about how special they are.
23. Cut out a cartoon they'll enjoy.
24. Ask them what they'd like sexually.
25. Go shopping together.
26. Take an afternoon drive.
27. Cuddle.
28. Put your arm around them in front of others.
29. Take them out on a surprise date.
30. Do something they want to do.
31. Listen.
32. Plan a candle light dinner.
33. Look at old photos together.
34. Serve them breakfast in bed.
35. Hold hands.
36. Share sexual fantasies.
37. Do a work project together.
38. Rub their back.
39. Take a shower together.
40. Carry their photo in your wallet.
41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
42. Kiss them.
43. Smile more when you look at them.
44. Go for a bicycle ride together.
45. Surprise them with "special" attire.
46. Plan a picnic lunch.
47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.
48. Repeat what they say before answering.
49. Say "Good morning" first.
50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.
51. Send them a card.
52. Surprise them with a gift when it's a non-holiday.
53. Cook them a favorite meal.
54. Try a new restaurant.
55. Ask them how they feel.
56. Let them know when you are proud of them.
57. Ask for their opinion.
58. Turn on some romantic music.
59. Dedicate a song to them.
60. Send them a balloon bouquet.
61. Watch a sunset together.
62. Play a game together.
63. Have them teach you something they know.
64. Tell them they have the night off.
65. Go to a movie they select.
66. Ask them for a hug.
67. Wear some new cologne.
68. Take them to Bali.
69. Discuss future plans with them.
70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.
71. Ask them about their dreams.
72. Meet them for lunch.
73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you've shared.
74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.
75. Tell them what you like about them.
76. Buy them a new perfume.
77. Take them to a scenic spot.
78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.
79. Send them a joke card.
80. Let them know when you've thought of them during the day.
81. Buy them a toy.
82. Compliment them to their friends.
83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.
84. Tell them when they look attractive.
85. Send them a post card.
86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.
87. Give them a massage.
88. Take a lesson with them.
89. Look at photos together of when you met.
90. Plan a vacation with them.
91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.
92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.
93. Watch a TV show they like with them
94. Write them a letter.
95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.
96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
97. Tell them what you like that they do.
98. Give a head massage.
99. Invite them to a concert.
100. Let them know you care.

i was reading this blog online, and i tell u, it's a good blog.. the person blogging is really articulate, so i copied off whatever she said and pasted them below coz she's being articulate for me without herself realising. so thank you whoever you are :)

the words in italic is mine btw.

(1) My friendship with Imran worries me because we are very close and I know one fine day upon meeting my potential spouse and with the confirmation of marrying that particular person,I would have to abandon my friendship with Imran. I would not want to offend my future husband with the thoughts that I am mentally and emotionally at ease with another person of his gender.
(I guess her Imran is Mus to me.. in the days before I met M. I stopped contacting Mus even though M said he's ok with it. Coz im scared he might feel negative without realising it and I dont want our relationship to be negative due to something like that. i want M to know and feel like he's the most important guy in my life.. which he is :)

(2)I'm scared I'll feel hollow during your absence.

(3)But people always seem to look better in Hijabs than without.
M, you always tell me so even though you never see me without before (unless you count pri sch days? ;) but I always dont believe pasal i used to think that people look better without. but now I think I know what you mean. and thank you for whatever you say about me being in tudung :) you're sungguh the bestest.

(3) If I am frank in my blog I have to answer for it. The whole purpose of blogging is so that I can voice myself out without being hesitant. I can't help myself if I feel and think the way I do. It's just me, whether it's right or wrong. If knowing what I have to say hurts then please don't read because I don't wanna have to feel bad expressing myself.
agree with her here wholeheartedly. i dont want to have to explain myself, but sometimes I do 'censor' some stuff... as in, there are some things I sometimes want to vent and rant here, but I can't coz I'm scared people might take it wrongly. so i don't. blah.

(4) Something I can't discuss but I've been doing wrong and I know I will pay for it when the time is right. Right now I'm just helpless. I can't help but succumb to it. I need to learn how to control. Astaghfirullah.

(5) So for whoever that I will feel for and be with in the near future. InsyaAllah, I know I will love you with all my heart, I will give you the security you need, (I seriously do not believe in switching partners and any such rubbish that will cause you to be insecure), I will be the best partner I can be. Just don't expect me to be secure about how you feel towards me. That's one of my greatest phobia, to let someone in and love me because I have this thinking that love or you will feel stale on me after awhile.
Underlined would be you M.

Yeah jiwang i know. but i felt that for once I want to be jiwang without thinking that anyone might get negative or anything. I could post up more but I'll save it til tmrw.

Can't believe I spent the whole day reading this girl's blog.

on a brighter note - i just changed aisyah's blog page, and it looks so pretty now! but i think she might be uncomfy if i link her up here, so i shan't. but her page is pretty, and i even added the archives page that you wanted.. you owe me a fish shop treat baby ;)

2 entries already for today. might add more in the afternoon? i feel like i got so much to say but dunno how to start.

"I've learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you're with me, even when you're not by my side." - Paulo Coelho "Eleven Minutes"

Mazreen didn't call til 12 am last night.. I thought he wasn't calling at all so i went to sleep at 11.. thinking that this is the first time since i got to know him that i didn't get to hear his voice at all for one whole day. enhanced that missing feeling sungguh a lot.. heh. i know i told him that if he's super tired and its super leceh to call, i can understand if he doesn't call.

... but you know how sometimes you dont really mean what you say? i of course want you to call every single night kalau boleh.. haha. but im also trying to be nice and NOT demand that lah. .. and ya i know macam no life like that waiting around for his call all the time.. hahah. at least not as bad as dulu during his ptp (tg pelepas port? :) days when he wd sometimes call in the afternoon also... nak go pray also pikiran - i'll be hoping that he won't call when i can't answer, u know?

so dah tertido, sekali at 12 he called! terus awake and happy.. haha. he shd be my alarm clock in the mornings. and knowing that he made the effort to call and talk for a while even though i know he must be super tired really made me happy :) i was trying to be nice and talk for a while ajer so he can sleep early... but he wanted to talk for long, so yeah yeah im happy happy happy. Kulo tresno marang panjenengan.. (just learnt that phrase from colleagues at srg.. hehe)

i was reading this other blog of an unknown malay girl whose bf is serving ns also. its funky how she's going thru the same stuff as i am. hahah. as in, hoping for calls and trying to make every small effort to see him when he's out of camp.. i hope these guys appreciate it.

.. im also glad females dont have to serve ns. dengaring abt unwashed clothes and not bathing for a week is very icky.. i think i wdn't survive at all.. haha.

i feel for roti prata with curry campur the way my mom likes it.

life's very bland nowadays, i haven't got anything much to blog abt. last night suddenly teringat pasal G, who i lost touch with abt a year ago? i wonder if he's married now.. i wonder if he's still acting as spiderman ;) i wonder wonder wonder what happened to all these people i lost touch with just because i can't be bothered to keep up with their lives. not that im regretting it now, coz i still can't be bothered -haha-

Am kinda upset with someone right now, but shall not get into details. if you cant be bothered, neither can i. good luck doing what you do.. despite all that i said, you still want to do them? then i shall not interfere anymore. just dont make me say i told you so one day.

Isln masih belum call pasal that starhub thing. *pissed off* and im not going to call her coz nanti she think im so hard up to see her like that. but im pissed off big time with her ah.

nothing else to blog. sometimes i feel like there's something i want to tell M or share with him, but i can't coz he's not around... even if i sms him abt it, he'll only read it at night.. that only makes his absence more pronounced ah.

10 more days.

eating lifesavers now - realised it had new flavours in the mixed colourful pack. the light green one was horribly tak sedap.. now eating white. quite ok. must remember not to buy the mixed pack again.

last night reached home from work at nearly 10pm.. was super hungry and tired. ate and then read papers while waiting for M to call. sekali at 10.30 he still tak call. Tried hard not to feel negative at that but was failing miserably... hahaha. but he did call at abt 10.40... talked til 11plus.. it's only been 1 day and i miss him la. 11 more days. but no worries, tmrw i'll be ok again. hopefully. hehe. friday be the last night he'll call... then no more phone calls til next friday. lama eh. but we sort of already made plans for next saturday so im good. hehe...

... its funky how the small things make me miss him more. saw a guy in the train this morning wearing a polo t - terus teringat M. haha.

oh. and im having these stupid recognition thing tau. this morning i thought i saw raimee at paya lebar (but it wasn't.) on sunday i thought i saw M on his blue moto and got this tudung girl behind that guy on the moto. for a moment i thought it was M with another girl . hahaha.

was asking my mom where we going on saturday - i feel for jb and caramello creamo. yesterday told kak su im applying for leave in june.. i know, cepat eh da block leave. hehehe. and ya going kl again most probably, despite what everyone here says that im going kl far too many times. hahaha. 6 times in the past year i think? i caaaan't wait. i hope feeling's mutual :) if it's not i hope someone tells me.

aisyah was going on and on about how she misses her bt bintang nasi ayam waiter and hail-me at coffee bean. hahah. i miss the food aisyah.

... truthfully though, i dont have money to spend tau. guess parents paying for hotel and petrol.... but my spending money? i dont have any excess at all nowadays.. perhaps i shan't buy anything. beli makan only and get back to sg with fats ajer. hehehe.

... suddenly i feel for bangsar cheapo steak ;)

i wish i can speed up time.

side note: apprehensive feeling is kind of gone. things can hopefully get better Insya'Allah.

this morning was so kecoh.. i misplaced my earpiece (now earpiece very impt - listen radio in train :) I thought i left it in the car, and somehow today aisyah brought hers to work, so i took the spare car key and looked for it in the car... and also takder. then i went off without earpiece, tapi i didn't remember if i locked the car or not until i was in the train at tanah merah. then felt really uneasy, was thinking if i should go back and check and then take cab to work or not (coz by then it was 8.50 already)

... but i don't have extra $20 to spend on cabs. as it is, i've only abt $20 to last me til pay day (this sunday hopefully)

So i decided to just go work... praying and hoping that I did lock the car. I think i did ah... but it feels so uneasy not being able to confirm if i did or not.

saturday night had an argument with my parents abt my driving. got so madly angered seh. they said that now i'm too berani like that.. i forgot all my basic theory and all that. bingited big time seh. now ok already, but im so not going to drive if my parents are in the car now. serious.

... make that, anyone who complains abt my driving. i wont drive if you complain abt my driving ah.

irritated seh thinking about it.

other than that, nothing else much to blog. sat was fun, going out with M for breakfast and then pergi beach rd and all that. 2 weeks started last night when he went off to tekong.... baru 1 hari. 11 days more. i hate being pathetic counting down like this... but i know that this feeling will be ultra bad today and tmrw ajer.. then i'll be ok - i'll get used to not having him around again.. and then next week wednesday or thursday i'll start missing him real bad again. hehe. funkiness.

i cannot wait for end of month to come. please come quick.

i have so many thoughts that i want to put up here... but somehow it's all not able to be put into words like that. feeling really apprehensive abt some things right now.

the only good thing to blog abt today is that my dad has agreed to the kl trip idea. in fact he seems very into it - i had no idea my dad likes kl so much.. hehe.

so other than this, i've got nothing to blog abt... unless i want to rant.. but i dont think im going to do that.

just finished reading American Beauty script coz i was bored.. very funky show.

im upset about something - but i dont want to blog abt it here at the moment... perhaps someday else when i've talked to the person concerned about it.

i'm hoping for something to happen - i hope it happens. but i dont think it did. im not sure what to feel about that. haha. does it have anything to do with anything that happened?

cryptic eh.

sometimes what you say may hurt another person... but that person doesn't want to upset you by telling you that you have hurt them. so that person lets it pass. don't blame her for trying to be considerate.

somehow having flu today - been sneezing non-stop and having runny nose and watery eyes.. irirtating seh. i feel for food. i feel for pisang goreng, or fries, or lemon chicken, or kfc whipped potato.. i feel for mee soup also.

played scrabble during lunch tadi with kak su. and just to make her happy... she won. by 19 points ajer ok. and we didn't even finish the game. i bet if we play til the end i would have won. *feeling sore loser - haha*

... i shall go buy food for a while ah. only had polar curry puff for lunch.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would you pick? ...Ah Beng's Chicken Rice :)

im happys today. i talked to my b til 12.20 last night... it was a very fun convo, and i've never had a long convo with him while he's in camp like that.. so yeah yeah yesterday's convo made me very happy. slept with a smile on my face. happy dreams. woke up thinking i'm the happiest girl in the whole wide world.

hehehe.. over eh.

i dont actually remember what we talked abt sangat.. altho i remember him asking if i wore tudung when i was at kl with farah maria the other time. and he got upset when he found out i didn't. *sigh* now you know why i didn't tell u earlier... and my hesitation in telling you yesterday? not that i was really trying my darndest to hide it from him... but i thought he'll know someday in some other way la. coz i knew his reaction was going to be something like that - negativity. i was scared he was going to judge me coz of that... but it was a one-off incident which i sendiri don't want to repeat and i already told him that i felt bad.. and my dad pon dah bising with me. and it won't happen again ok. *penitent - hehe*

... and im going to forget you said what you said ok.

altho, honestly, i can see where he's coming from. i would be disappointed if i were him also. but people make mistakes seh... see where I am coming from now?

told his kl idea to my mom this morning. (btw. had good b'fast session with my mom this morning. and of course was late to work. hehe) surprisingly my mom was all up for it and she's going to ask my dad later what he thinks.. i hope he agrees! shall post up more when/if it happens (Insya'Allah :) I was already thinking of the arrangements and such in the train this morning... trying hard not to get excited coz afterall, my dad hasn't even heard of the plan - but it's sooo hard to maintain the excitement, hehe. coz i think it'll be so fun :)))) i know mak ita ajak go kelantan and terengganu... but im not keen on that at all la. Mama suggested langkawi yesterday... but i dont feel for langkawi either. i think kl would be great, hehe. i miss bt bintang chicken rice. i miss fish shop!! i bet aisya's missing the ice milo belakang concorde. i miss bangsar black pepper steak. i miss my bf. hehehe.

Anyhoo. Am using the clinic's moisturizer again - so far so good. doesn't feel like i got scotch tape on my face anymore. tummy bloatedness is gone ;) my hair feels neat today underneath the tudung.

oh. teringat semalam M tanya who has seen me without tudung so far. so cute the question :)

49 hours more.

had a 20 minute nap at my desk during lunch.. still not feeling refreshed. blah.

liza is on mc today - sore throat and all that. i feel for taking mc myself just to sleep at home. had cancelled all plans for today - frumpiness dont deal well with society. hehe.

whats with this new-found obsession for sleeping? i feeeeel soooo tirrrrrrrred.... i jusssst waaaant tooooo sleeeeeep.

can't wait for today to pass.

i think i feel all puffed up coz i haven't been to the toilet for 3 days. hahahaha.

last night got me in a bad mood. i was very upset, i felt like everything will go wrong.. or has went wrong. although nothing went wrong.

... i dont understand tau. the niggling feeling started in the train.. so i thought i'll go to ntuc and buy some food for the night - coz food always takes my mind away from unwanted thoughts, haha. (partly also coz i suddenly felt rich having deposited $100 into ocbc acct, hehe... altho i have less than 2 mths car payment worth in uob. die ah like this.) Reached home, ate dinner with family, bathed, and terus went to sleep. that was at 8pm. woke up at 9.30... went to toilet in my mom's room. then my mom was worried, asked if im ok and all.. even asked if i bergaduh with M isit.. hehe.. i said no.. coz i didn't. she was very worrified why i slept so early like that. i told her im just tired, and went back to lie on the bed. somehow yesterday i felt the non-presence of M so much. (translation: I missssed him a lot last night.) entah kenapa, but i did.

from 9.30 til 10.. just lied down on the bed in aisya's room, listened to radio.. then tried calling M's hp at abt 10.10pm. sekali he answered!! :) i was so surprised that he answered, i thought that the voice came from the radio, hahah.

... i so wish he's around instead of at tekong.

i hate feeling this way la. i still feel so lazy and wish like i could just huddle up in my bed all day long in just berms and tee. i feel so icky today - im so not dressed for work today with jeans and slippers, and my face feels like i put scotch-tape on it. go figure.

i hate that there's things that i want now that i can't get.

can saturday pleeeeeeease come faster. can today be saturday and saturday be saturday... so i get to see him more.

imu sm m.

fara's been having probs with zzou a lot lately... i was supposed to meet her last night but my mom wanted me to come home fast coz she cooked for me mee bandung... so i cancelled with farah coz i didn't want my mom to feel less impt than fara.. made me feel damns bad whichever decision i make anyway. but fara called when i was on the way home and talked.. she said zzou's been talking to this other girl a lot and not telling farah about it. even lied to her when she asked if he talks to that girl often... apparently he didn't want to hurt her.

... which frankly is a stupid excuse to give. i bet he knew that someday farah's going to find out, so what does he mean by he doesn't want to hurt her. i would rather my bf tells me he been talking to some girl early on rather than i find out myself.

... and then i will kill my bf for being so damns gatal. hahahah.

no ah, that was a joke. of course tak sampai violent gitu. i always tell M i dont mind him talking to other girls.. im not sure how true that statement is though. hahaha.

... is that being too possessive? is it wrong and unhealthy to want him all for myself? what if someday he feels cooped-up and starts hating having me around coz its restricting him from talking to other girls? huh huh huh? my opinion has always been that i think its unnecessary to have other opposite-sex friends once you're in a relationship.. i dunno how to say why i think so though. its not that im scared i'll lose him to other girls - kalau dah jodoh, tak kemana also kan..

tak tahu la. im not good with words - i can't say what i want to say clearly.. and its annoying me.

and of course when farah told me all that, i started getting paranoid - thinking if M is talking to some other girls when he's at tekong. i dont know how i'll feel if i get to know that he's using that precious free time to talk to some other girls instead of me.. but he told me he's not and im trusting him on that :)

so yeah yeah im happy.

im hungrys now. last night read papers and all... while eating fruit & nut chocolate. benda tu abis without me realising it nie. felt funkified for a while - i cant believe i ate that much chocolate without realising! as it is, when i reached home ajer, terus makan mee bandung. then bathed. read papers with all that chocolate-eating, then watched tv channel 8, and ate mee bandung lagi. (can't help it la- i lurrrrve my mom's mee bandung. this morning masih ada lagi sikit, had to stop myself from eating it for breakfast seh.. haha) Today weigh myself - i put on the weight i lost :( now am 51.5kg. ALL on the butt i tell u.

im waiting for the day when dearest bf will tell me that i'm now too fat. hahaha.

spent the whole morning at the army and air force website.. read thru their whole career page. not for me la, im happy with my job.. its for M. coz he wrote me that letter, asked if i could give him advice abt signing on... and i want to give him alternatives to that peacekeeping thing.

... and ya i saw a lot of alternatives.. i especially like air force's air crew specialist :) im really confused what to tell M about this signing-on thing ah. it's a life decision like that, and i dont want to give him stupid advice that will affect so much of his life.. shall talk about this the next time we meet.

saturday, went to JB. was fun.. and im very proud of my driving now ok, hehe. what with those msian cars that suka cut people's lanes and pesky motos. makan at pizza hut and starbucks.. bought pizza and subway and auntie anne's home for family.. Subway guy got pissed off with us for not ordering all sandwiches at one time... which made me upset. coz hello, i was being nice and thoughtful ok - if i ordered all at one time, i bet he would be confused which one nak letak apa benda kan. then he got pissed off, asked if i wanted to order anything else in a voice dripping with sarcasm. irritating seh. its amazing how bad service can really spoil your day.

... not that it really spoilt mine ah.. i just got a bit upset ajer, tapi not for long. why shd he spoil my happy day out.. haha.

had my mango cake, sungguh sedaplicious :) Saw M smoking for the first time also on saturday. hehehe. i think on saturday also was the first time i got angry with M.. had an anger outburst which so doesn't happen often in my life and then lagi sikit dah about to cry. embarassed now thinking about it... hehehe.

reached home at 10.40pm... which is considered early, i think, considering that on thursday and friday night we got back nearly at 1am each time. heh. so for the rest of this week im going to be good... so sat night boleh balik lambat lagi? ;)

yesterday sent M to pasir ris. very hard to part after 3 good days together tau.. so sekarang 6 days tak jumpa, then i'll see him on sat and sun, Insya'Allah.. then 2 weeks tak jumpa. laaaaaaaaaaaaama eh.

ok im smelling something really smelly in the office suddenly. mcm some foreign food smell like that. seriously giving me a headache now.

just read kak ana's emails. and im confused ah. i dunno what to think now, so i think i shall post up what i think later.

i hate it when i say something, but people miscontrued it as something else. i hope i used that word correctly.. heh. i hate it even more if the recipient gets hurt by whatever i said... it makes me feel so thoughtless (as opposed to thoughtful - but im not sure if there's such a word as thoughtless. my english's failing me seh) so yeah im sorry abt the lemon chicken... im still thinking abt it and i seriously didn't think that what i said would come off that way, and im sorry. i know im forgiven but nvm.. sorry again :)

anyhoos. fiq was msn tadi.. and i didnt realise i miss my personal psychologist ah! :) and i miss freeloading fullerton hotel orange juice from u, hehe. he was going on and on abt how i haven't met his gf yet - dah setahun lebih i think i said i was going to meet her, sampai sekarang belum.. and we were exchanging pix of respective bf/gfs.. haha.. of course got the usual M looks very chinak. and i promised to meet up with him and the gf soon... the gf nice la, i chatted with her dulu, but im so malas to meet new people like that.

this friendster is getting funkier.. you know how schools sometimes have their own frenster acct? tkgs (and tps too actually.. i found them somehow) has one also.. and apparently they are in some acct 'competition' thing with rgs.. who gets more people in their accts like that. merepek seh. and i was reading my cousin's survey stuff - i guess later if im bored i shall do ah.. hehe.. but anyhoo i was reading my cousin's answers - funky eh. kak ana, go log on sometime ok, read the surveys - funky monkey.

...or perhaps i get shocked too easily. hahaha.

watched hidalgo at renalto's hometown yesterday.. haha... Tiong Bahru, not Philippines :D tak pernah pergi tiong bahru plaza eh.. very funky place. kinda cool in a laid-back manner i guess. unfortunately hidalgo isn't as funky cool as tiong bahru... punyer la boring itu show.. i could have so fell asleep. i didnt understand how the horse could race like mad even when wounded - so bohong one. and viggo mortesen is irritatingly trying too hard to be mancho, in the words of mat msias. basically i didn't like the cast or the storyline - even the arabs were iriririrtating. i cant wait for Shrek 2!

i am soooo hungry right now. last i ate was mee soto last night. and bread with kaya this morning.

somehow my mom didn't scold abt last night... funkiness. i expected loads of questions abt what time i got back - but she just asked which shop it was.. (My Immortal on radio now! woohoo! :) or is it Immortality? one of these titles is a bee gees song..)

have no vsl to do today... just tolonging my colleague to close one vsl and i'm done.

going jb today with M.. i feeeeeeeeel for starbucks mango cake. and anyone knows where is Fish Shop at jb? i heard the other time there is one at jb... but i cant remember who said it so i cant ask where its at. i feel for buying a bag - getting tired of all the bags at home now. wnt to buy clothes also but i want to lose a bit more weight before i go buy... so yeah. yesterday weigh myself - i lost 1.5kg so far ok! *happiness* at first weigh lagi best - it said 48 kg. terus mcm ultras happy..then weigh again.. and again.. and again.. and it showed the heavier version. i already said i aim to be 48.. someday i'll be that and i'll maintain that all my life ok.. haha.

shall i do the survey? since im so free i shall ok. ignore them if u dont feel like reading. (teringat dulu kat tkg and sblm masuk poly, tak habis2 do these surveys to pass time. somehow found them very fun.. haha. i'll delete these surveys from this blog someday ah... but right now i just feel like posting them up for fun. im boooored.)

(Josh Groban on radio. i like.) -today's topics very random eh.. sorry. brain malfunction perhaps.

A/S/L?: 21 female singapore.

Single or taken?: Happily taken.

Religion?: Islam.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If yes, who?: Yups. Mazreen :)

How long have the two of you been together?: 9 years and 2 months and 1
week. hehehe.

If you had a choice, would you rather give up your friends, or him/her?: Stupid question la. shall not answer. altho i think u all know the answer. hahah. (im curious to know his answer though.)

What do you like about his/her physical appearance?: everything. esp the smile. eyes. fingers. height. arms.

What do you like about his/her character?: he knows when to say sorry and when to forgive. and he's so generous with compliments.. hehe. and his irirtatingness :)

What is your deepest desire when with the person you love? being happy.

What's the most expensive thing you have give that person, if any? How much was it?: erm. i guess my heart coz its priceless. hehehee. jiwang eh.

What's your favourite thing?: pretty shoes.

What's your LEAST favourite thing?: crowds.

Favourite food?: right now lemon chicken.

LEAST favourite food?: veggies.

Favourite body part?: mine? i know this is weird but i like my shoulders.
haha.

LEAST favourite body part?: big butt.

Favourite TV show?: gilmore girls but no more on tv already.

LEAST favourite TV show?: those malaysia sitcomes and dramas on suria.

Favourite game?: entah. scrabble? hehe.

LEAST favourite game?: the mind kind.

Use one word to describe yourself: Indecisive. (somehow that word is the first
word that came to mind now.)

Use one word to describe your boyfriend/girlfriend: Perfect.

first off, he's coming back tonight! in abt 10 hrs i be seeing him :) im so happys and im trying to finish my work asap but damns it la the docs are not even in yet *annoyed* so thats why i got time to update this first.

anyhoos. cinta bollywood 2 is stupid la. i can't stand the actress who acted as Yasmin.. why so over nie. i guess the script calls for that, but rima melati (was that her name?) did it well in the first episode. this new actress, whoever she is, is sungguh irritating coz the acting's terribly awkward and fake like that. i hope she doens't come out in the future episodes. im beginning to think that Suhaila is a good actress though. but the storyline is so annoying eh.. i can't stand the whole serendipitiness of it. a few mis-coincidences is ok ah, but not something to base a whole story on.

.. i would rather watch channel 8 shows sometimes. the 7pm show is so sedih nie. i watched for a bit only and i was crying already, when that pri sch kid started wailing abt how he wished he would get beaten up by his mom for his failed paper, but he can't coz his mom's dead. sedih seh.. even liza was abt to cry. the 9pm show also quite nice - i like ivy lee, i think she's pretty ;)

isln sms me last night - after months of trying to contact her without avail, finally she sms me saying she needs my i/c no.. see, her starhub line is under my name which i let her used before we got into that whole argument. i shdn't have tau, coz only after we signed up, baru teringat that she has this habit of not paying her bills. so after that argument with her, terus we never contact again kan... and i lost her hp no already. so yesterday she sms me saying that she lost her hp and needs a new sim card, therefore she needs my i/c no. so i told her i want to change name of that acct - i think u just need to pay $20 for that. so she started this whole tirade of how she didn't choose to lose her hp and all that, and why i can't be understanding or something like that. so i told her i just dont want to be liable for anything in the future.. and she was like, yeah one day when im going to take my new sim card i'll meet up with you sekali.

... i cant believe she got pissed off with me for that! who's doing who a favour here.

anyways. other than that stupid glitch on an otherwise peaceful night, nothing much happened. i just watched tv and read papers - i remember reading something interesting in yesterday's papers which i wanted to post up here but i forgot what it is already.

oh. apparently we going to have train marshalls on the mrts now? and we have to pay for them.. ?? merepek kan. like i dont have enough things to pay for eh. what can they do to protect us in the trains anyway? irritating la, what a waste of money. its either that or they want to check the bags of commuters who look suspicious at the entries.. aper sajer la.

random info abt my sisters - today's liza's sports day... and aisya hurt her leg yesterday during netball. oh, and liza got perfect marks for her malay CA, 92% for maths, and 80% for english i think. she's got my brains eh... hehee.

this is all for today. where is the work that needs to be done! i want to go back early today lah...

"im afraid that the people i love don't know that i love them" - ashton kutcher.

power 98 just said this joke below and i thought it was cute...

why are single women thinner than married women?
because single women look into the fridge and then go to bed. whereas married women look at the bed and then go to the fridge.

heh. cutes eh.

i had the bestest sleep last night. after hanging up the phone with M, straight went to sleep, happy smile on my face coz for once we hung up on a good note, hehe. and slept all the way til this morning 8pm, woken up by kak su's sms. i even had a good dream, i was at medan with M, going around with charma's mom and a few other people who i now don't remember who they are. (ya, doesn't really make sense. how come i dreamt of charma's mom of all people?) anyhoos. dream isn't that impt - what is impt is i had a good sleep and i woke up feeling really refreshed. haven't had a good sleep like this in a loooong while.

im hungrys la. i had rice with kicap and telur and ikan goreng for dinner - so sedaps. i mean, always eating all sorts of dishes everyday makes you miss the simplicity of a meal of just nasi and kicap eh. i feel for macaroni soup still.

throat is a bit ok now - the medicine i got yesterday taste really awful. it has this candle wax taste - not that i know how candle wax taste like, but u somewhat have an idea just by looking at the texture, u know? and guess what, funkiness, inside the box was written that this medicine is apparently for UTI also. funkyeh.

chatted with farah this morning.. i hopes whatevers you going thru will be ok soon. i wish next week is here earlier..

speaking of kl. smlm sab kl msn me.. said he's coming down to sg soon to look for a job. sungguh funkifying. he's coming down with this other guy from sunway.. asked where he can get cheapo accomodation while he's here. and asked where is the new water theme park opening at. i had no idea sg is opening a new water theme park even.. funkiness ah these mat msia.

i like jameliah's song "Thank you" btw.

M coming out tmrw!! :)

time is passing by so slowly today... 33 hours more.

the throat still hurts.. sakit sungguh tau. it hurts to eat, to drink, to cough.. and last night i had a coughing fit and i puked up phlegm and there was blood (yup yup im sorry its disgusting but its my blog and i want to remember this event 50 yrs from now for the worry it caused me. hehe) and it was so friggin painful and i cdn't tahan the pain and started crying in the toilet.. hehe..

... i guess i have a low threshold for pain :|

.. anyway im just back from the clinic - i didn't want to go actually but my mom insisted that i go.. tsk. the dr is so relek like that, said that yea, the tonsils are inflamed, and i asked him abt the blood. he said its most probably the linings (??) and i shdn't worry too much abt it.. but if it happens again, im supposed to go see him again.. and he gave me antibiotics (u all must see the pack it came in. huuuge ok. me and kak su were like funkified - sekali bukak, the pill so cutely small.) and some other tablets.

... it doesnt help that im always hungry nowadays. i had mee bandung that was sungguh tak sedap yesterday for lunch. came home, ate red bean ice-cream, then had dinner (rice w/ ikan duri.. sungguh sedaplicious) then i had roti prata my parents bought at 136. my mom bought 2 for me, but i cd only eat one.. curry does wonderful things to your digestive system baby. heheh. today for lunch had 2 polar curry puff and this morning had orange juice - been wanting it since yesterday, finally had it today.

not sure what im having for dinner though... my mom cooked some sotong kering thing which i dont eat. i feel for super supreme.

I miss M.

2 more days.. or perhaps 3? (Tuesday which is today, Wednesday, Thursday til night. 2+ days la eh?) i know yesterday's post i said it was 5 days - i guess i mis-counted. pathetic eh.... he called to say he'll be out on thursday night and im so fetching him ;)

18 mins to going home. been assigned to (sort-of) teach a mgmt trainee on what's going on in my dept.. will be starting tmrw. nyeh ;)

im not sure if other people do this... but i have this stupid thought processes sometimes. i like to think abt what i am doing at this time last week, or yesterday, or whenever.. u know what i mean? more to the point, i was thinking what i was doing this time last week... and u know what. this time last week i wasn't at work - i was on leave - and i was out with M.. to bugis. i so wish i can rewind back time and spend today with M again.. know what i mean tak? told u its a stupid thought process.

this friday's good friday though.. M might be coming back on thursday night, or friday morning hopefully... so that means i get to see him a day earlier than the usual saturday. 5 more days before we meet then :)

im working on friday though - i think by 4 dah boleh balik?

i feel like there's a million things to blog abt.. but i think at the end of this entry, there'll only be abt 2 or 3 things that will be blogged... (if there's such a word.)

anyhoo. first off, i have the world's worst sore throat since saturday. it hurts damns bad, and i dont have any idea what to do with it.. my mom thinks its not sore throat - most prob its the tonsils being all swollen. i think so too, coz it Hurts when i want to swallow, which in turn makes me have no appetite to eat altho im friggin hungry since last night. altho i did eat at swens yesterday with M, and at night i ate nasi lemak.. ya i know you thinking that if i can eat that much, that means it doesn't hurt that much when i swallow kan? no it still hurts ok. but swens is just to nice to not eat, altho their celebrity brownie isn't as nice as the one at haagen dazs (which we will go to once we have money ok?)... and the nasi lemak - my mom bought for me already, so like tak baik like that kalau tak makan.

.. but damn it lah, my throat hurts. i feel like taking the penknife and cutting off those swollen tonsils just so i can swallow without pain.. hahah..

topic no 2.
i am broke til the end of the month. i have abt $3 left in the ledger balance of my posb card.. whatever ledger balance means. my uob card ada duit - but that's for the car (altho i've been using the card for many more stuff other than just the car.. hehe) i guess now i have no choice but to use the uob card eh til the end of the month? i haven't even given my mom money for this month tau.. i have got no idea where all that money went to seh.. mabuk la kepala mcm gini. i shall use max $100 from my uob card ajer ok.. but my budgeting has never been good, mesti nanti ter-over limit... but i shall try ok.

topic no 3.
saturday - me and family and b went to JB. to city square - im very disappointed with vincci la, hehe, they used to have so pretty cheapo shoes dulu, tapi sekarang semua not nice anymore (speaking of shoes, this morning my mom bising ask me to wear those shoes that i bought last time.. anyone wants to buy them? im not interested in them anymore la) then bought my caramello creamo and b had chocolate frap and aisya had ice caffe latte which tasted weird altho (or is it because?) i added sugar and some unknown liquid into it.. haha. selalu if i buy in sg i add vanilla syrup and then i put 2 packets sugar to make it sweet.. tapi somehow it didn't come out that way at jb. entah kenapa. then we went to perling and to adang to makan and then balik. was a fun jb outing, thank yous to all who made it possible.. hehehe.. and thank you b for coming along.. sweetnesses.

topic 4.
u know that song "this is the story of a girl.. who cried a river and drowned the whole world"? i dunno the title or singer of the song.. its playing on radio now. this song reminds me so much of farah. entah kenapa.. haha. i miss farah.

ok no more topics already.

i've never been more bored in my whole life... ok that's a lie - pernah la. but im so bored now i got nothing to do. so im updating this blog with nothingness in mind.

last night went to Parkway with parents and sisters. ate at banquet, then me and aisya went to swensens. this aisya so kelakar tau.. the waitress asked what flavour we want when we ordered. aisya said strawberry cheesecake. the woman said takder, so aisya said she didn't want. after choosing the flavours for the tubs of ice-cream, then the woman asked if we wanted the ice-cream in cone or cup. and aisya said "strawberry cheesecake" with this pathetic face tau. then the woman also mcm puzzled like that, so she repeated "cone or cup?" and aisya, still with the pathetic face, said "strawberry cheesecake." tak boleh tahan, i laughed so hard til i cried and cannot jalan. u must see aisya's face when she answered, it was really funny.

anyhoos. 15 more mins to 6pm. tmrw im not working, so can sleep late! b coming back at 10am i think... im not fetching. ok, i had this sudden thought of how sweet it will be if he comes to my house straight from tekong, in his army uniform and all... i know its a very NOT munasabah (spelling?) thing to do, but it's a sweet thought :)

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You

Some people want it all
but i don't want nothing at all
if it ain't you baby.
some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing if i ain't got you.

Jiwangness eh. im beginning to like this song a lot, altho i dont like alicia keys.

this post is too full of nothingness. i'll probably delete it someday soon. i miss maria - feels so lama like that i haven't seen her. but u know how sometimes u want to call someone up, but you procrastinate... i been procrastinating since eons ago la.. tsk. i wonder how's mazzy and her bf.

this is what boredom does to you. 8 more minutes.

less than 24 hours before i can see M!! yeah yeah i miss you baby.

one of the most important things my parents ever taught me is that in a relationship, respect is very important. im not really sure abt this, but i think respect can come in many forms..

i read this in Tuesdays With Morrie too, where Morrie said that respect, ability to talk to each other abt what's going on in the relationship, and your beliefs in the importance of your relationship, are the most important things to avoid trouble in yr relationship. (its tiring to say relationship every few seconds eh.) this is just food for thought - nothing at all to do with anything la.

tmrw M is coming over to my house to teach my dad how to cook mee hongkong. sweetness eh, watching the 2 men i love mostest cooking.. hahaha.. i suddenly have this image of both of them wearing aprons and M wearing that chef tall hat thing - weirdness. hahah.

Clay Aiken "Solitaire" makes me smile. one of those songs which brings back memories - more of the tune than the lyrics. ;)

i haven't started writing those letters to M yet. last night after hanging up the phone with him, i was just looking thru my drawer when i saw my journal for '02 - the whole A-- thing was inside. somehow i overlooked it when i was clearing my drawer the other time... im throwing it away later. blahness. by the time i was done reading thru whatever i wrote in there, it was 12.30 already.

im so sleepy today. feel so lethargic like that - i think im one of those people who needs 15 hours of sleep each day. hahah.

i miss my b. one more day to seeing him.

maroon 5 on power 98 now. woohoo :)

was listening to radio - sekali they were talking abt some fine.. and suddenly teringat that time in the bus when i was in the process of negotiating a bet with M...

... he didn't put coupon on his moto under my block that time. so i said i dont think he kena fine. he said maybe he kena. so i said if he kena fined, that means i lose - i will pay the fine. if i win, then he pays.

... which was ultra stupid, coz if i win, that means moto dia tak kena fined what, so what is he supposed to pay for? but i didn't realise what i was saying tau, and he took about a moment to realise it also. its ultras funnys to me ah... thinking abt it even now makes me smile.. hehe..

cant wait til saturday. 2 more days. i hope he gets to come back.

the past 2 nights has been funky to say the least. good surprising pleasant funky, all thanks to that special someone.. hehe.

i think tuesday i said that i think i might burst coz im so happy with M? i think now i'll burst and then float up into the air, if ever such a thing can happen.. haha.. when i thought that it's impossible to feel more in love than i was feeling on tuesday... well. i was wrong. it's very possible ;)

you know how sometimes you listen to a song, and you are instantly reminded of a certain event? and sometimes it evokes such strong memories, even the smells of that certain event comes alive? and then you get all smiley and happys and you feel like rewinding back time but of course that's not possible so you just sit around and enjoy that song and enjoy the memories playing back in your head.

then when the song ends, you get somewhat frustrated that you can't rewind back time again.. but you comfort yourself by saying that the future promises much more things..

.. that's how i felt after listening to a few songs on power 98 since this morning.

my b is back at tekong now. last night i managed to find some time to send him to pasir ris, after he accompanied me to changi village to buy dinner for my parents. please bear with the absolute kentalism of the next few statements, i just have to say it - i looove my b wearing army uniform ok. absolutely lurrrrve it so much. gorgeousness is a mild word to describe it. no, i dont have a weird thing for guys wearing army uniforms la, dont think kinky thoughts ok *laughs* but really, M in army uniform really just melts me. which is why i really wanted to send b to pasir ris last night. boleh see him in his army uniform and make me happys til the next time i see him.. erm. that's partly the reason ah. u know the rest baby. *laughs* ;)

i like that sometimes i have initiative. i just hope M doesn't mind them.. and i hope when he minds, he will tell me.

i miss him ah.

i just realised that the past 13 days he's here in sg (inc the friday he came out) i only didn't see him last thursday coz he was having a fever and i went for dinner with my parents and on sunday when i went desaru and he had soccer. so mcm the impact of not seeing him for the next few days is going to be a bit..erm.. hard? 10 more weeks of this (or maybe 5 more years of this?? imagine the horrors of that.) he was telling me last night that there will this period of 7 days he won't be calling at all coz of some staying-in-the-tekong-forest thing.. i shd prolly go on a holiday during this period.. hahah.

oh. and we are going to write letters to each other now - one for each day he's at tekong.. sweets eh? hehe.. so now i have to update this blog and write him a letter each night too... not that it's a chore, i know i will enjoy writing him letters, hehee :) and btw, i think his handwriting is one of the nicest and neatest i've ever seen. funkiness.

here's another btw. M now also reads my blog.. hehe. actually i just wanted him to read last tuesday's entry (when i was all negative, coz i felt that it was impt for him to read that to know my thoughts on that matter.) and then i thought there's no harm in him reading the rest of the blog.. and upcoming entries too. i mean, if other people can read it, what more my b right? he has more right to read it since most of this blog is abt him also. hehehe..

ok. the last btw for this entry. army has funky rules about their men in uniform. and when i say funky, i really mean funky. tak faham sungguh.