Stacie Orrico: I Promise

Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I take tender care of you?
Take your darkest night and make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that's there to hold?

And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you (there for you)

I promise..

another pair of nice shoes

i just got my hp bill though.. so i realised I can't afford all these exp shoes.

stress sekejap dapat hp bill tadi.. it's $198. actually local calls and all is just $48... tapi that time gi KL kan, and I sms M too much i think.. that makes up the bulk of the bill.. and the calls over there too. so this month im going to have to budget myself like mad.. have to set aside $600 for the car. $200 for hp bill. some money for my mother, and some for M's and my father's present, and im going to be left with abt $200 for the whole month. Insya'Allah boleh survive la.. i have survived on much lesser before, so it should be ok. my only luxury item for this month shall be sandals... i need a pair.. and im just going to buy cheapo ones from charles & keith. i saw this pretty pair from pretty fit actually tapi i think i'll get blisters from wearing it.. pasal it's that kind of hard leather.. but it's reeeally pretty la, but i shall just buy from charles & keith ajer.

ok to less depressing topics.. M realised he can't bring camera phones into tekong.. so i can't pass his hp to him this sunday. and he wants me to help him find a non-camera Nokia for him.. the only person I can think of is my dad lor.. but how to ask my dad to lend M his phone for the next 2 years?? M got this funky idea that he will use my dad's phone, my dad use my phone, and I use his phone. Not that I mind using his phone.. but how on earth am I supposed to ask my dad if M can use his phone la.. Aisya say go and buy a 2nd hand one, below $100 can find. mcm i got byk duit eh.

smlm i didn't eat a lot *happiness* i didn't have lunch coz i wasn't feeling good. And when I reached home, my mom say don't change first, I have to send aisya to her tuition class at pasir ris. so i sat around, 7.20 keluar rumah sent her. had to wait til her friend sampai and all.. reached home at 8. bathed, keluar toilet dah 8.25. then kena fetch aisya pulak. that was at 8.30. she told me her tuition ends at 8.45.. rupa2nya at 9 eh. i had to wait and wait and wait. tapi not that i mind, coz i got a good parking lot (of which later on a van and a lorry came to park on my right and left side respectively) and the radio was playing good songs. then aisya and her friend came, then i had to send her friend home at pasir ris.. then I decided to go whitesands to recce the carpark.. and I managed to get through ok! *beams with pride* altho i was reeeally far from that ticket-ejecting machine thing u know? i had to unwind windows, open door, tukar gear, buka belt, take the ticket, campak the ticket to aisya, tukar gear, then remember to tutup pintu kuat2, then wind up windows, then baru jalan. hahaha, kecohness. my mom's the same like that also... short hands probably. hahaa..

anyhoo, since we were at the carpark already, i decided to go NTUC and buy M's things also. kan dia ada kirim food and all... and very nicely, after i parked the car terus dia call. mcm telepathic or whatever gitu. hehe. Then bought the necessary items, then went to McD to buy food home. i bought a nuggets happy meal ajer. so that was what I had for dinner.

so to total up everything i ate yesterday... i had milo in the morning. about 4 suaps of mee goreng. 3 chicken nuggets and one fish mcdipper, abt 10 pieces fries, and a medium coke. that's all. oh ya, plain water.

today im going to have mee goreng again. and i intend on not finishing it.. and then I'm going to have dinner at home. no more BK even.. pasal BK is exp, and it's one huge helping.. perhaps once a week..which is more than enough actually eh. fast food's fattening. So hopefully I'll be thin and still have money as I live through March, Insya'Allah.

I have a huuuuge pimple on my cheek anyways. very annoyingly large, and it's just one huge one in the middle of nowhere and I have got no idea how to get rid of it before sunday. blah.

my mom was sweet last night, she told me abt her MIL experiences with my dad's mom. She said my paternal grandma was very garang, etc etc.. to the extent of acting it out.. and she said the guys can never understand that. Of course they'll think their mom is the sweetest, which they are, I guess... but they can't fathom the idea of their own sweet moms being fierce to the girls they love. therefore they think that the girl is just being merepek when the girl says something negative. (*stores info for future use*)

... no u all dont get the wrong idea. I didn't complain to M abt his mom. I just told him she sounded really fierce, and I was scared before and after the phone call. And he said I was being merepek. and i got pissed off, i started getting upset and telling him ya la I talk semua merepek, pergi ah cari ppuan lain yg tak merepek and all. yes i know, very kentalfied jiwangness kan.

sekali when I wanted to sleep at night... then i teringat abg ai'm's mom.. she has that fierce voice, and she looks fierce also. but she's nice and sweet :)

anyhoo.. pathetic now that every morning I wake up, i go "hmm. ___ (fill in the no of days) more days to go to seeing M." as the days go by, number goes smaller.. small mercies like these makes me happy.. hehe. I was driving to pick up aisya yesterday and I was listening to Power 98, sekali ada Sugababes song, "Lost In You." Happiness tau. then change to 98.7, then ada Maroon 5. laaaagi happiness. Then tukar2 btwn all these stations, lagu best2 seh. But still haven't heard Flop Poppy.

this sunday.. I probably shouldn't try too hard, it'll come off too forced nanti pulak eh? but im scared tau you all. im freaking scared and I just want the mom to like me and I just want things to go well. That's all.

results of one of the tests that i did last time.. very true what it says i think.

WHITES are motivated by PEACE, seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. (Feeling good is more important than being good.) They are typically quiet by nature, they process things very deeply and objectively, and they are by far the best listeners of all the colors. They respect people who are kind, but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

WHITES need their quiet independence and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way, in their own time. They ask little of others, and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think because they don't reveal their feelings. WHITES are kind, non-discriminate, patient and can be indecisive, timid, and silently stubborn.

When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept (and support) their individuality, and look for nonverbal clues to their feelings.

***

my smallest toe on both feet is hurting due to the heels im wearing. damns hell la.

... i've got to call M's mom later. coz M called me last night, said his mom asked mana i tak call dari hari tu. im so friggin nervous, what am i supposed to say? plus i asked my mom if i could bring the car on sunday. park at whitesands. rather than meeting his mom at her block, and then taking a cab. leceh kan.. and then nanti nak balik also mcm mana.. but my mom thinks i shouldn't bring the car, leceh kena bayar parking and all. plus im not sure if parking at whitesands is easy. plus it makes more sense for me to meet the mom at her block if im bringing the car.. right?

this is my first time meeting his mom tau.. very nerve-wrecking. and worst still, without him around... im so not sure what im supposed to talk about (and he did mention that his mom is very pendiam, but friendly. how tu?)

and here's something funky that i said to kak ana tadi.. what if sekali, i wait downstairs for her, and since I've never met here before, then I tegur the wrong makcik?

*laughs* im going crazy la. baru phone call dah takut, apa lagi on sunday itself...


****

called his mom already.. and kak ana called tekong up for me to find out the visiting hours... ends at about 5pm apparently. A bit the fast kan. *upset*
shut up lah eh, i should just shut up seh. paranoia really gets to me sometimes seh.

I thought tonight was the syarahan at Masjid Istighfar, sekali i checked Muis website and saw its on mondays dah. so today i'll be home doing nothing, probably just reading the past few days papers. i hope M calls early today, i feel like there's so much to say la. So he'll be calling at night ajer... and even then, nanti cakap rushed lah.. but a call is better than none. rushed or otherwise.

mood today: Exasperated. Things aren't going well today.

im frigging nervous like hell. what if his mom doesn't like me? not approve tau, coz approval is one thing. but liking is another.. and what if his mom doesn't like me?

*paranoid*

I'm so upset.

click to take a look at this prettiness pair of Nikes

i went to changi village with farah smlm.. saw this malay guy wearing really nice Nikes.. brown and simple and all that, but i've never seen it before, and i got the inspiration to buy M shoes. he been going on abt buying a pair but very sayang to part with his money for something he doesn't really need. cute eh. haha..

(before u all start thinking i got too much cash. its not that ok, M's birthday coming up lah.)

so i went on the net just now... and went to search for these lasers and found this pair which is the most prettiest i've seen so far. I was talking to M tadi also, coz he was free (apparently he passed his swimming so he has free time.. there's something..erm... sexy abt a guy who can swim well eh.. hehehe) Sekali while talking, his sergeant masuk into the room. terus i kena hung up on. terkejut jugak.. haha.. but he did call back. so ya, i told him i saw this nice pair of shoes and all... and he was surprised, asked how come im interested in these shoes suddenly. hahaha..

anyway the pair above is AU$395. maaahal kan. i can't afford that seh. sungguh cannot. *sigh*

anyhoo. yesterday to changi village with farah was fun. we somehow took 2 hours to finish our nasi lemak and satay. then lepas tu she ordered teh and i had this milo dinosaur which looks sooooo heavenly. and it was. tapi thanks to this cockroach which was abt 4 tables away from us.. it freaked me out like hell and i told farah we'll go somewhere else to talk, not there. air semua tak habis, terus ran out from there. went to changi beach instead. sat in the locked car... and talked abt stuff in general. (too lenghty to type here.. but i will one day. sekarang penat ah.) then M called. :)

i miss M so much tau. so much so that i miss the time when i don't miss him. get it? haha..

It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them or become too busy to stop and take note -- or to stop and say thank-you. Take a few minutes each evening to note what you received that day and also what you gave. Write it down. Be specific. List everything, like phone calls, kind words, a surprise visit, etc. You'll be amazed when you look back and realize all the ways your partner is giving to you. Plus, it'll help you find new ways to give back to him.

- from iVillage.com

Was talking to farah tadi.. and I asked how will she cope when Z masuk police nanti, 2 minggu tak dapat jumpa. Then she said aper tau.. "tak jumpa sudah la." mcm in a tak kisah way sangat like that. And i said kenapa pulak... and she replied, because she and z dah lama sangat together.. whereas me and M baru together, therefore we miss each other a lot.

now, i think that's wrong..erm.. thinking. farah's my bestest friend, but i dont agree with her here. how long u been in a relationship shd not be an indicator of how much u miss him kan... i would think that the longer you have been with someone, the more you'll miss him.

..or am i wrong?..

i don't think i'm wrong. the only thing i can think of is, when farah said that, is that the relationship is getting boring and therefore the space would do them good or whatever. or perhaps im too romantic? *laughs* I don't think so. I'm more practical than farah is.. and yet I believe in stuff like these.. stuff like these meaning - the longer u are with someone, the more you should fall in love with him kan? or at least, the more you should miss him. or will miss him. know what i mean?? i dont mean to get exasperated here, but what is the world coming to when people start thinking like this?

*laughs* craziness la.

no, seriously, i intend to stay in love forever. if this is being in love, i intend to stay this way forever. this feeling, or feeling in love, shouldn't diminish just because you both been out together for more than a year. know what i mean? ya i shouldn't speak too soon since me and M pon baru berapa hari together *laughs*. I know that, and im sorry if im just saying things without thinking too much. but I would think that I want to stay in love with him and i would think i will miss him when he's away.

... something like Trista and Ryan. hehe :)

****

M baru call.. and he lost his voice.

... ok actually, not really lost his voice la, pasal if he lost his voice, how to talk at all when he called tadi kan.. His voice is now very..erm.. serak. cute tau.. but he thought i was making fun of him when i said it was cute, which im not coz it sounds cute. *laughs*

i miss him so much la.

*jiwangfied again*

anyhoo, on a much brighter note. tonight we going to nek loyah's house to send aunty noi to the airport. and nek loyah stays right behind M's block! therefore I can get a really giddiness happiness ecstatic rush from passing by his block, and seeing his moto *happiness* heheh

can't wait. :)

Funky thing that my b said tadi.. he asked what I had for lunch tadi. so i said "bk". and he said "you tak jelak2 makan kat bk ke? ...is it because kita first time keluar, we ate at bk eh?" *laughs* cuuuuteness kan. so perasantan like that, tak boleh angkat.

last night's last post was abt me being pissed off with M kan... and there's a continuation to the story ok. :) somehow he called back even though it was past 10.30pm.. he said he cdn't sleep yet somehow. Hmm. funkiness to the max eh. We talked for less than 3 minutes ajer. He realised he pissed me off with what he said, and apologised. *smiles* then we hung up.

sweetness :) love my b sungguh much.

there isn't much to say actually. yesterday it seem like i had a lot to blog abt, tapi hari nie i sort of forgot already.

saturday me and family went to JB, i wanted to buy this vincci bag soooo badly.. it was really pretty tau. RM69.90 ajer, but my mom didn't let coz pag gave me a bag the other day and i still haven't use yet.. plus this vincci bag, it's brown - quite similar to my other bags.. but this one is round gitu. cantik with a capital V.

speaking of this capital v thing. M is getting irritatingly funny when using these expressions. Yesterday evening when we were talking abt that Ad--la girl, I guess I sounded paranoid and he said I'm paranoid with a capital Q. i was like, "HUH? apa tu?" i thought he meant Quite paranoid.. but he said it's paranoid Queen. aper sajer kan. and then another time he said whatever with a capital R. again i was "huh?" and he said "ye lah, whateveR.. r kat belakang tu capital." i dunno if it's not funny to you, but it was to me. :)

anyhoo. went JB, bought caramel cream frap - deleeecious i tell u. i could finish the whole large drink by myself and not get muak (spelling??) pity those m'sians coz the frap is RM13 there when it's only S$6 for us here in the sg stores. Bought Cleo mag, sampai sekarang belum habis baca. I tell u, cleo m'sia is best tau. their articles is more fun to read.. plus u get to see what the vincci stores are selling. went to the padini stores, wanted to buy jeans (ya i am thinking of wearing them again if butt size permits... haha... but see how how first.) there was this nice pair, tapi dun have my size. annoying tau the salesman, dia tak check pon, terus dia kata size 31 ajer ada. ate fish & chips at restoran the pier (which is actually like fish & co... tapi sungguh tak sedap this pier punya food.) Aisya actually finished off 2 hotdogs and half of my fish and chips. freak kan.

M sounded dead tired on sat night when he called.. so poor thing tau. I said he sounded so tired, sampaikan on the verge of being pissed off. but he said no la, im tired sampai on the verge of dying. *bites lip* and he said a lot more stuff and all.. im glad that his bunkmates are cool people though - as in, he gets along well with them (but then he gets along well with everyone) coz aisya told me fara's bro who's at tekong also (intake one day earlier than M) kena bully by his bunkmates, haha..

... and after we hung up, i got this sudden pang of missing him really badly. mcm on the verge of crying already.. and then sekali my mom came into the room and asked how's M. so i told her abt how he's so tired and poured out my whole heart and soul.. pasal all the food he makan semua i told her.. haha.. she knows I miss him badly.. *small laugh* and she's being really nice abt it actually. she tried to comfort me, said nice stuff and all... by then i was biting my lips, trying hard not to cry. *laughs now* but im ok now. Entah tak tahu kenapa on sat night mcm buruk gitu... hahaha... i was just thinking of him a lot and when i heard he was so tired sampai on the verge of dying, terus mcm emotional giler :( but of course tak bilang dia that i was an emotional wreck on sat night hearing abt him being like that.. dah letak phone baru mcm start the emo. hahaa...

and thanks to kak ana for the sms and adv that u gave on... erm.. tak ingat bila ah. abt what bijal said and all that lah... thanks a lot for it :)

but anyhoo, im ok now. abt 6 and a half more days before i can see him! *happiness* Last night he called his mom again, and she confirms she's coming with me. *panic sikit* I'm supposed to call her to ask what time she wants to go.. *panic lagi* I asked him if he's in my shoes, would he be scared. he said "no, buat apa takut, satu hari pon kena jumpa jugak.. lagipon it's to see you what. so it's ok." *smiles* sweet but annoying answer. and he kirim so many things for me to bring.. cup noodles, black pens, food to eat, his hp, etc.

watched Kal Ho Naa Ho smlm tengah hari while parents and liza were at Sentosa. Speaking of Liza, she's the cutest tau - she always ask how's M.. haha.. Anyways, Kal Ho Naa Ho is soooo sad. (not as sad as Kuch Kuch though) Was crying at the last part.. sedih betul. (suddenly realised the weekend was quite full of tears eh.. hahah..)

and yesterday afternoon, i cleaned up my room. threw away a lot of things from the past... i think i haven't cleaned my room for the past 25 years or something seh... all those stuff from A- and all. let's just hope that he won't ask them back from me.. hahah...

amazing how M can be in camp and i can still have arguments with him. irritating seh. Last one was that he said something stupid and I got thoroughly pissed off him wtih big time. So therefore we hung up on a bad note tonight.. sort of ah. I think he thinks it's funny but I don't think its funny tau ok.

Blah. I still miss him though.

but at least tadi petang had a 40 min convo with him that was really nice. i miss having those convos.. haha... tapi tadi was nice :)

one more week.

ok hear out this funkylicious news ok. M's mum wants to go on that parents' visiting day also.. and since M's father doesn't want to go, she says she'll go with me. Just the two of us ala Will Smith's song. *panics* How?? Of course M thinks it's cool, nothing wrong with it and all... but im damns scared seh! There's no way I want to get out of it.. i need to see my b so badly *grins*.. therefore it's pretty much confirmed, Insya'Allah, unless his mom suddenly decides not to go lah.. but I know M wants to see his mom too... so i guess I have to just be brave and cool and all. How i'm going to be brave, I do not know... but I shall try.

On a much brighter note, yesterday had the longest convo so far with M... for nearly 30 min. He used his sim card on his friend's hp. and this morning he called again, and we talked for a further 15 minutes.. and then when I was bathing, he called again.. this time asking for my add and occupation and all that. i asked why, and he said they asked for girlfriend's or close friend's particulars.. therefore he put my name down. funky eh..

he said he hasn't gotten any darker.. but he got red instead. He said his body is still fair skinned, but his head and neck and hands are red. Mesti cute eh ;)

he might be out earliest on the 6th of march. Damns hell coz im working on the 7th and all.... blah.

haven't really got much to update. I'm craving for Fish Shop's Fish & chips and squid rings.. and i had lemon chicken (again... ahhaha) from Ah Beng last night.. but it's not as nice as Sakura's ones.

... l for caramel cream from Starbucks M'sia also.

4 days. One week and one day to go.

Smlm I expected M to call at abt 9 like he did the other night, tapi sampai pukul 10 dia masih didn't call. Not that I got upset or anything, coz I guess he is busy or something.. so at 10pm dah nak tido. didn't see the need to watch American Idol even, pasal i knew the results already thru the net. Sekali dah lying on the sofa terlelap (spelling?), then at 10.20 he called! *smiles happily* But from a diff no.. his friend's hp.

.... Apparently his hp batt dah flat, and they aren't allowed to charge their hps. and he gave me instructions to get the hp from his sis, and my extra batt and all.. to pass to him on the 29th. kekecohan sungguh. So no more gd morning sms from him. :( but he said he'll still try to call.. im so happys i heard my b's voice.

i have $630 left in my bank acct, excluding the one in UOB. Yesterday dah withdraw duit for the car, paid M's parking fine.. and tadi i went to posb and uob to transfer the money.. i just realised how hard it is to save money. and therefore i decided to open a save-as-you-earn account... i think i need it badly to help me save. i had promised myself that when i turn 21, i'll save. so now i must save la. i hope i can survive on $400 per month. must must must cut down on hp bills.

im not sure if M will call tonight. i hope he does... it's only the 3rd day ajer seh. I looked at the calender tadi... and i looked wrongly, i thought today is the 27th, and that will mean that in 2 more days i get to see him. sekali salah. it's only the 20th. 9 more days. pathetic eh buat countdown mcm gini... *sigh*... but as kental as this sound... i miss him so much!!! tu la, dah terbiasa sangat nampak dia everyday, terus tak jumpa mcm lain gitu. hahaha..

Last night me and my mom were debating if he'll get dark from NS... *laughs*.. I think he'll get a bit tanned sikit, mcm that kind of cute chinak NS guys punyer tan... but my mom think he'll stay as the colour he is now. funky kan :)

random info (not that I think you'll be interested... but this is just for my personal reference.. hehe.. )
M doesn't use facial wash. which is really amazing coz he doesn't have pimples, his skin is clear. :) cute kan..

anyhoo peoples. i have yoga class this wednesday. *beaming with pride* (*laughs*) something i've been wanting to do for years but somehow just never get around to it. actually this is just an introductory class, one time ajer, at amore. not even sure if it's the one at bugis or amara... haha... i can't wait to buy those funky exercise gear.. (thank God we don't need shoes though, coz i hate wearing shoes) I'm going with my colleagues.. 5 of us altogether. should be exciting.. i can't wait seh! the real course is $180 for 12 lessons. i'm doing some serious budgeting with my life so i can afford this class and still live comfortably... haha... but u know what, i'll see how on this wednesday's class first. sekali i can't do any of the stretches or something then i'll be embarassed kan.

u all shd listen to power 98 or 98.7... listen out for Kanye West "Through The Wire".. it has this helium voice singing in the background that is so cute!

some questions on the net abt yourself.. and since I'm bored, I thought might as well do it and post it up... haha..

Favorite Food:
At the moment, Lemon Chicken.

Favorite T.V. Show:
Felicity. Friends. Gilmore Girls.

Favorite Song:
Oldies. some R&B. some pop. and funkily enough, bila ada mood, i like alternative, and hip hop.

Favorite Color:
White

Favorite Hobby:
Being absorbed in a good book, and with some snacks and no one disturbing for hours.

Favorite Book:
Bks by Jane Green, Jill Mansell. And Tuesdays with Morrie. And Eleven Minutes & Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.

Favorite Drink:
Coke (trying to cut down though.)

Favorite Store:
*shrugs* no particular faves.

What animal resembles you most and why?:
Owl. coz im wise. hahaha..

If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?:
Psychologist.

If you could go back and change one thing in your past, what would it be?:
I wouldn't quit poly.

If you won the lottery, how would you spend the money?:
Go for a round-the-world trip with someone special.

What Disney character do you most resemble and why?:
Tak tahu. Marlin & Dory combined in Finding Nemo.. coz I'm kinda paranoid sometimes and I'm also really forgetful.. so ya. But is finding nemo a disney story??

What do you want to accomplish during your life?:
To open an orphanage in some Third World Country like Christina Noble.. and have it continue operating even after i die.

If you could break one habit forever right now, what would it be?:
Shaking my leg in that way I do. Coz it irritates people.. haha.. And saying "ajer??" and "only??" like as if I'm some rich kid. it's kebiasaan la, hahaa.. but I'm not some rich kid.. happy the way i am though.

What did you aspire to be when you were child?:
Teacher.

What was your favorite memory of your mother?:
My mom coming home from work when I was in primary 4 with blueberry cheesecake... :)

What was your favorite memory of your father?:
Watching Jaws at the movie theatre when I was 6 yrs old. and i was scared, so i sat with him and he covered my eyes. *smiles*

What was your favorite school year and why?:
Sec 4. Banyak benda2 merepek happen that year that was soooo much fun.

What was your most embarrassing moment as a child?:
Crying all the time abt school-related matters. (And now having M knowing abt it. tsk)

What was the hardest thing you had to learn?:
Additional Maths. Struggled like mad in sec 3 and 4... nasib baik pass during o's.

What was your favorite play toy?:
Barbie Dolls. Teringat dulu play at 147 pag's house *laughs*

Who was your best friend when you were young?:
Primary sch was Lydia. Sec sch was (and sampai sekarang is) Farah.

What was your biggest fear when you were young?:
Entah, tak ingat sangat. Probably going to school.. hahaa..

What was your favourite vacation?:
That time pergi padang, bt tinggi, etc etc, all the way sampai Jambi for 2 weeks when I was in pri 6.

You love it when your partner does...:
That leaning in thing and saying he loves me. *blushes* ;)

You love it when your partner calls you...:
babygirl... *laughs happily*

The most memorable moment spent with your partner was...:
every moment is memorable :) hehe

What are the three best things about your partner...:
His sense of humour, altho sometimes i dont understand it. His dependability. (if there's such a word. as in, i know i can depend on him) The way he's so cute abt everything.

i woke up this morning and saw an sms from M. terus mcm brighten up my day like that.. hehe. he wished me good morning and many other stuff.. *smiles* Then i replied, altho I've got no idea when he'll read it. :)

M just called to say hi... hehee... i miss him sooo much! my b's botak now.. mesti cute, although he thinks he looks funny. Apparently he put our pic together on his mirror or something.. cute eh, this guy's the sweetest ah :)

He also told me that parents visiting day is on the 29th feb.. 2 people can come visit, and the tickets is with his sis, kak lin, so if i want to come, i have to go get the tickets from her. I asked if his parents are coming... but he said they said they aren't coming, plus he doesn't really want them to come also, pasal they got no transport, and it'll be inconvenient for them to come without anyone else. Mcm hari tu, (or rather, yesterday.. but it felt mcm dah lama gitu.. haha) his sis was there too. I asked if his mom cried, but he said his parents aren't very emotional like that.. sungguh unlike my mom and aunts.. and myself... hahah...

anyhoo, i said if his parents confirm tak datang, then I'll come. but who am i supposed to bring, i asked him. he said if i dont want to come alone, he ask me to go with his sis, Kak Lin.. funky punky, i dunno his sis kan. But whatever it is, if his parents aren't coming, I'm so going. I miss him to bits and pieces and I can't wait to see him without that babyfine hair... hahaha..

My mom was very sweet last night. Although she and aisya and even liza was disturbing me one whole night abt me missing M.. haha.. u see, i ate a bit only (bcoz i was quite full actually) and they said i can't even eat without thinking of M.. whether dia dah makan ke belum.. and when I was reading book while eating apple jack, they thought i was daydreaming coz they said i didn't turn the page for a long time... haha.. when in actual fact, I was actually re-reading the same paragraph over and over again coz I didn't understand it. And my hp was inside my room, when M called at 8plus. I ran like mad i tell u, so happy to hear my b's voice.

... and then, later at night, she said to me nicely, "don't think too much abt him.. nanti dia mcm tak tentu arah kat sana." (apparently if someone is thinking of u very a lot, u'll be feeling that way? Coz i was feeling tak tentu arah smlm. does that mean he's thinking of me too? hehe) I'm glad she's being really sweet abt it. Not that I am missing M so much sampai jadi mcm invalid gitu.. it's just that I kadang2 have lapse of concentration on what im doing... terus mcm terpikir dia tengah buat apa. hahaha, sounds funky eh :) I hate feeling this way actually, it's a first for me.. *laughs*

I was actually supposed to work on the 29th... tapi dah tukar with Kak su. So I'm working on the 7th of march and the 14th. Yes, i'll be working for 2 whole weeks without rest.. hehe. Not that I mind, asalkan on the 29th im free to see my babyboy ;)

nothing else to update here. perhaps later i shall update again..

it's the 2nd day ajer. blah.

dependent


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u know what, i sort of know im too dependent on other people... hahaha...

my mom's at aunty noi's place.. which is behind M's block. and she was like, asking where his house is and all.. hehe..

and i told her that M called this morning, and told her abt that parents day thing, which M said his parents aren't coming to.. and my mother, being my mother, said "eh kita pergi ah! i want to go lah. i've never been to tekong, i don't have a son (yes she actually said that) so this is my chance to go. kita pergi lah"

*laughs* my mom's the best tau. i can imagine how M will be funkified if my mom actually comes. I thought that if his parents really not coming, I want to go *smiles* as in, alone. not with my mom and all.. haha.. But im working on that day, so I got to see how it goes la.

it's only been ONE day. in fact, half a day.

my b dah masuk tekong this morning. :(

And no i didn't send... even though my mom still urged me to go this morning. (somehow she conveniently forgot abt i got to work.. haha) M's parents and 2nd sis sent him... and I called him this morning on my way to work. I know this sounds stupid, but nasib baik i never send... coz i think i'll be like cik ani nanti, very emotional for no reason. Sekali mak and kakak dia tak apa2, then I yg cry. *laughs* I told him on monday night that I confirm tak hantar, and he was like, "hmm.. ok la." not in a pissed off way or anything, but more like resigned to his fate. *laughs again* Anyway, no big deal la.. perhaps I can go for his POP? Or Parents Visiting Day.. which he said his parents aren't coming to (he called just now at 12 plus.. *smiles*)

Oh. more important news. Those officers or whatever you call them, at tekong, told them just now that they'll be in camp for 3 wks minimum... Not as bad as 2 months, but still lama eh. And they didn't say anything abt hp, so M is still bringing his hp in.. unless they take it away later la.. i hope not ah.

yesterday I took leave... and went out with M. Beginning was fun... I sent Aisyah to school, then went to M's block, meet him for breakfast. There was a traffic jam at ECP due to an accident, which btw was my first time in a traffic jam alone so mcm terpanic sikit2. Coz 2 lanes were closed and all the cars were filtering to the 3rd lane and I was in the 2nd... nasib baik ada this MPV which gave way to me. And me being the courteous driver that I am, I angkat tangan, that wave that says thank you, u know? *laughs* i love doing that.. haha...

Then at M's blk, sekali while parking, his bro was there (the one I went to the house) and told him I'm meeting M and all that... then we went to McD Bedok.. and then to tamp st 11 to buy some stuff... and then we went home. At 12 we met up again, sent Aisyah and wati and Radia to school with the car.. and then we went to Causeway Pt, of all places. Coz M never been there before... and my first time naik multi storey carpark ok... and parked next to a car also. *bangga* Then walked ard, but it was boring coz Causewy Pt was boring. And then we fetched Aisya from school, went to Serangoon Gardens to eat... then we sent aisya home, and his friends wanted to meet him so he went off, and I went to kak ana's house... that was at 4plus. I parked at the multi storey carpark... alone this time.. hehe... then lepak2 at kak ana's house, got grossed out by those fear factor people, and then at 6pm I sent Wak to Didi's house... then went to collec the pix at simei, then went to M's blk again to send the stuff he left inside the car... and then I got upset at something he said... (tapi dah tak ingat apa la.)

... and on the way home I drove over a kerb. Now the rim of my wheel on the left side at the back is chipped... as in, terkopak (i think that's the word) Terus I stopped at the 147 carpark, and I was shaking I tell u... as in, shaking in disbelief, u get what I mean? I sat in my car for abt 15 minutes, trying to calm down (padahal tak apa2 sangat happen to the car... ish.) and even thought of calling someone, whoever, to drive me home coz my hands and legs mcm jelly seh. So i inhaled and exhaled and inhaled and exhaled, baca doa2, even buka CD masjidil haram tu... to accompany me on the way home. heheh :) Alhamdulillah I reached home safely. After dah park, terus called M, told him what I did to that rim... needed someone to assure me im alright, haha.. (ya its actually not much. but i just know my parents are going to kill me coz it's quite obvious, i think. If you look at it properly sort of thing la... haha) And he told me to tell my parents and all... tapi sampai sekarang masih belum bilang. Hehehe.. I'll tell when they notice ah. Hopefully they never will.

Talked to M at night... abt his future - he wants to sign on as that peacekeeping thing or something la, which would involve him being away from singapore for long periods, i think. but u'll get $7k straight if you are successful in joining that eh? and more money after 4 years contract finish. And he said he'll use that $7k for us to get married... (oooh la mer!) heheh... but he said he's still thinking abt signing on, coz he said who's going to take care of his parents if he's away from singapore for long... but anyway it'll only be offered to these ns people in abt 3-6 months i think... and honestly I think it's a good idea actually, if he gets to sign on, then at least he'll be quite stable kan. and stability's good. heheh...

And anyway, what do u all think of this names... Xsara and Xyaiful. *laughs madly* Funky tak? :)

farah ajak go KL this weekend to just slack away... I don't mind but my mom don't let coz she said she doesn't think I can afford to pay for the car then...

i have a huge craving for chocolate now..

btw. how do all these people manage to save up money for hantaran?? For that bawah block punyer makan-makan? Pikiran seh...

M told me yesterday that his older bro told him that if you get into the army for NS, you won't be out for at least 2 months. Made me panic skejap.. not panic as in panic, but.. well, u know that kind of feeling? So i called Mus and asked him if it's true.. and he said yups. At least for 7 to 8 weeks. Laaaaama kan. What can you do at tekong for that long?? Ya i know that's a stupid question but this will mean I won't be seeing him for the next 2 months.

... *muka boring*

M asked me abt A-- the other night. NOT that I told him anything abt whatever happened last time. Cuma dulu pernah terlepas kata abt moto Kawasaki and mat design and all. someday i'll tell him. but not anytime in the near future if i can help it... hahaa...

But anyhoo, wkend was quite fun... Saturday, M fetched me from work.. but we didn't plan to go out, entah kenapa. reached home at 3pm, sat around, Wati & her friends came over, then at 4pm I was bored... so I went for a drive.. then da tak tahu mana nak pergi, so I called M who was at 144 with his friends... and then met him at his block...

And then at 5.15pm balik. Then M came over to my block at 6.30, we went out to Bugis to makan at Banquet, then decided to go all the way back to TM to watch Lost In Translation. Kelakar seh cerita tu, with the Jap trying to speak English. Especially when the director went into that long dialogue in Japanese, and the translator just said "he wants you to turn from the right." *laughs* Funny with a capital V seh. (Aisya's new phrase... which I found hilarious. Laughed like mad yesterday at JP. it's V. -very- funny.)

Yesterday didn't meet M at all... I went to Science Centre with my family and Wati ikut sekali. Very interesting but I got bored really fast coz I've never been interested in Science. haha.

M asked me if I could help him with something yesterday... *ok this is quite kentalfying ok, so you all might want to skip it. It's for myself to read when nanti dah tua, takut terlupa... haha...*

M asked if I could help him simpan kan duit... as in, he'll pass me money for me to keep. He said he doesn't want to ask his mom coz if he ask the money from his mom, mesti she'll give.. so he asked me to do it. Of course I said yes. Sekali he continued, "Dulu kan, masa I with my ex, I did that also... both of us saved $20 each month..."

.... And I got upset. I thought he was trying to re-create the relationship he had with his ex with me, and I don't like that. I want my relationship with him to have no similarities at all to what he did with his ex. As in, I want my own space, I want to create my own impression in his life... Not something that he and his ex did, and now we are just continueing on with it. This might sound crazy, but I got reeeally upset and said I would rather he pass the money to his mom. And started asking him if he's still into his ex, and all that. Paranoid fool that I am.. tsk.

Remember how I mentioned in one of my earlier entries that I think I have got trust issues with guys now.. thanks to A-.. and Becs said I have to work on it myself, no one else can help... Yes, this is one of the probs. I constantly remind myself that I don't own M, therefore I can't dictate how he's supposed to feel, act, etc. I tell myself all the time not to get jealous, not to be possessive, not to feel insecure. But sometimes I forget and I hate it when I forget coz I don't like feeling paranoid and jealous and all that. *sigh*

... Like on v.day, sekali that D-wi called his hp and wished him happy v.day and all that... aper seh. I was at first upset and started thinking that he's in touch with her without telling me and why he answered her call and all that. I know, so stupid kan. Then told myself I shouldn't get jealous, coz seriously there's nothing to be jealous about. but of course I still grilled M like mad. *laughs*

I've been trying to follow what Paulo Coelho said in his books, that we don't own that person... no matter how much in love you are with him, no matter what relationship you have with him (or whoever else in your life), that person is still not yours to keep. You are responsible for your own happiness.. your own feelings. And because you don't own him, then you will realise you do things really in an ikhlas way coz you can't expect anything in return. I hope I make sense... haha... seriously, the latest Paulo Coelho book really changed my outlook on how some things should be. :)

I was looking at the National Geographic picture archive and saw one pic of a crooked room, where the walls tilt and all that. And terus teringat that time at Genting, me and farah and maria went inside that mirrored room.. and i seriously got freaked out. *laughs* I was clutching farah's hands mcm tak nak lepas forever and nak nangis already, coz I was so convinced that something bad was going to happen in there. Something like claustrophobia, I guess. Of course sekarang dah boleh ketawa abt it... but that time I was seriously going through hell on earth tau. *laughs*

Miss those times la... that must have been the most fun time of my life. *smiles* Kelakar giler the stuff that happened... one of which is the first night at Genting where we were posing for pictures inside our room in our pajamas. (of which one of the pix is here at work in front of me and my colleagues comment on it all the time)

Getting lost in KL... with our map, tapi semua tak tahu baca sangat. *laughs* Going to the supermarket to stock up on food, pasal kena budget. Maria and her lychees. Farah and her speaking chinese to that nasi ayam ahpek.

i read this in a book yesterday - in a relationship, passion, admiration and/or respect is important. If you have 2, you have more than enough. If you have all three, you don't need to die to go to heaven. :) I can't remember whose quote it is though, but I had to put it up here coz I thought it was nice.

Played scrabble with kak su and may while waiting for my b to finish playing pool. and I won. *bangga smile*

Today supposed to go out with M... tapi not sure lah if we are going. Orang kat bawah my house tunang today (as in, F's bro) and my mom and the makcik tu (not F's mom, but the makcik who we bought the hse from) is pissed off with F's mom coz she invited people in a very.. erm..tak elok way..(terserempak kat luar, then jemput) and the dad said something reeally rude to the makcik's daughter... which I can seriously understand, coz I thought it was rude too. Heck, if it was me, I wouldn't go also. Tak baik kata orang mcm gitu. Tsk.

i hope im going with out my b later.

We didn't go Marina last night. Instead, I went home, waited til maghrib, then went out again... this time I managed to convince M to let me fetch him instead of him fetching me all the time. So i went over to his block and he brought his nephew..

Then we went to white sands.. Then makan at McDonalds... bought for Aisya pens and highlighters for myself, and then M bought those mugs he wanted to buy... and then balik. We sent Ha--z to his house at 143, then he said he got pening kepala. I was like, "kenapa? kak shida punyer driving very bad isit??" and he said no... aircon sejuk. Diplomatic eh... hehe... And kan, when we reached his house, his older bro was waiting for him downstairs, and I think his mom was upstairs and waved to M... aku suddenly so shy again, just smiled. Don't know if she saw my smile though. *laughs*

Then I sent M to his block... then as always, we sit in the car for abt half an hour first cakap2... best time of the day for me :) it's really nice to do that, I dunno why though, it's just very cool... there's radio and aircon and it's just chilling out in my beloved Waja, so I'm loving it ah.. hehe..

... then, of all days to ask me this... he said his colleagues ajak dia pergi HRC today (friday). And what Ha--zah told me yesterday terus mcm whoosh out at me like that. Made me really worried for a moment tau. Then he asked if it's ok if he goes....

.... and i said yups. But of course cannot look at his face coz when I'm lying, my face very obvious. hahaa... and then he laughed and said actually he's just going to play pool. Then I told him the whole Ha--zah story, and he smiled throughout for dunno what reason also. Told him that I'm quite worried it might happen. *small smile* Then he said how come I said yups if I was worried. So i said i was trying to be......... understanding. *bites lip* and apparently that was the right thing to say coz if guys melt the way girls do, i think that was when I saw him doing that. *laughs* perhaps ah. hehee...

and so we talked abt other stuff... abt his ex and how I don't really like him talking abt her, even in negativity. abt him being in NS. abt many many things. by then dah 11pm... nearly 45 minutes dah pass, and I had to go back already... that conversation, altho 45 mins ajer, was one of the bestest :)

went home, talked to him for a bit lagi *laughs*,took flu pill, terus went to sleep. Now the flu is clogging up my right nostril, very annoying. And im wearing baju kurung. Coz M told me hari nie malam we aren't going out, and i got nothing to wear, so I decided to wear the brown baju kurung today. I hate having cloggd up nose. and im wearing heels today. hahaha... sungguh funky kan, i hate wearing heels tau... but i decided to wear today.

shall end this entry now.

*smiles* I'm supposed to go Marina with him tonight (smlm tak jadi pasal my mother suruh follow her to Ba'Alwi so I had to go home straight) tapi because he will be at Whitesands M&S, so perhaps tak jadi lagi. So he asked if i'm not tired, then I balik first, and then we drive to Marina. I'm not sure if I'm tired... but I am lazy to go all the way back, and then drive up to marina. so we see how it goes la.

This friday, tak jadi jumpa Maria and all... farah can't make it. Am thinking that we should go makan ah beng's when we meet. Or wherever that has lemon chicken.

im bored la.

m baru called, said today we aren't going back together. best kan, dah lah tak jumpa for lunch, balik also not together.

bingitation.

i feel like going home and sleep lah. since hari nie pon takder kerja and all... haiyah. tapi baru last week i was on leave... so tak kan hari nie nak take again kan. but im so friggin bored today, takde kapal nak buat. i want to go raffles but its 12.41pm, by the time i reach there, duduk, terus dah kena balik. im booooooored. and im bingited with M so tak boleh talk to him at the moment, nanti get more bingit so that's not good for the soul.

I feel for lemon chicken lah. I will seriously get that today, and eat just that ok. Then tengah hari, go bank.

haaaaaiyah... i want to go out with him today lah. leceh lah si M&S nie.

my friend who i mentioned in one of the earlier posts, from tkg (the one with funky clothes and bikini dancing at foam parties, remember her? groping? grinding?) just called me. Aku terkejut eh, i was wondering was it because i still haven't helped her friend abt that job thing... sekali she started telling me about her relationship with her bf, they just broke up last week and now she's really wrecked, she wanted to kill herself and all that... and that now she's on anti-depressents. ok,i sympathise with people like that. been there, done that, altho without anti-depressants... hahah... (no la, i didn't try to kill myself. please ah. im just saying i understand what she's going through.)

.. And then she said to me, now she's ok, she's calm and she suddenly got this inspiration to wear tudung last weekend.. and she wants to talk about it with someone understanding (coz all her friends said she should just wait and see if the inspiration stays) and then she sekali teringat me Sweet eh.. hehe..

She asked me how it was for me when I was about to start wearing. So i told her... that it took me nearly 2 months to make up my mind... and how I did have thoughts of taking it off, but not anymore, Alhamdulillah. And all that lah.... told her also that tudung is just a commitment, but to yourself and God. (Inspiring eh. im so proud of myself... *laughs*) She said she wants to meet up with me someday, so i said ok, next week will be fine.

I will be around for someone if it's about this sort of things... walaupon we not close, but im still touched she said she remembered me when she thinks of tudung.

what is more important, that i must mention here, is that she and her bf were together for 3 months and they have met each other's parents already. Then the guy went clubbing, and soon after that, they broke up. It sounds so real, u know? like it could happen to anyone *worried*

I know M doesn't go clubbing anymore, he used to go but he has stopped for quite some time. Which is why I'm worried about these kind of things. I always wonder why he stopped going. and if he goes again.... then what? Can I be cool and let him go, knowing there's going to be ultra-gatal girls there... Or will i kick up a big fuss and prevent him from going at all costs, so that nothing bad will happen?

.... And H--zah (friend mentioned above la) breaking up with her bf after 3 months is really worrying. I know kalau dah jodoh, tak kemana. But there's always a possibility of anything happening... and one thing I always get scared about the future is because of its uncertainty. You just never know what can and will happen... how one wonderful thing can change to something ugly the next minute. Yes, i learnt all that from A-- and the whole episode. *bitter laugh* So yah, im scared of the future, of what it can bring for me. I know this happiness that I am experiencing now won't last forever, something's stupid is bound to happen... and im scared not knowing what it is coz not knowing means I won't be prepared for it.

Does all that sound stupid? My worries and fears can escalate to something really big and destructive if I let them be... As Becs used to say, these are all issues that no one can solve other than yourself. And if you let them hang around, pretty soon you, and your surroundings, will be destroyed by them. So what im going to do is, I'm going to follow Morrie's advice (from Tuesdays with Morrie, hehe) and Paulo Coelho's advice and give and love unconditionally. hehhehee... as in, don't expect anything in return. yups im going to do just that... i'll try at least. For the betterment of the world.... if betterment is a word. I'm not going to worry that M is going to leave me in the lurch one day if something bad were to happen, *bites lip at the thought* Whatever happens, happens. All is decided by Allah swt for the good of myself. :|

Phew. You all just read the tale of my inner turmoil. *grins* That is what is going on in my mind when I am thinking ok... that, and many other things lah. Hahah... Realise how a simple phone call can induce such a long journal entry.

anyways. my dad just called me just now saying the letter for the first payment of the car has arrived. Woohooo! No, im not excited about giving away my money, but it feels so... best.. to pay for the car eh.. haha... I must pay by 29 feb apparently.

I love my Waja :)

My Immortal By Evanescence

Current favourite English song of the moment. Click on the link and u get the lyrics.. heh..

Last night went to town with M.. as usual, it was fun coz it's with him, altho it wasn't outstanding or anything. we walked around town, where we realised we have different (very different, in fact) taste in clothes and things and all that. i saw this really nice pair of shoes at URS, but he said it wasn't nice. He saw this shirt at Topman, which wasn't nice to me. So in the end both of us didn't buy anything. There was this very cute keychain in Bally though, it has 2 tags that says Home on one tag, and another says Car. We wanted to ask the salesgirl how much it was, but she ignored us. Damns rude kan. then we walked to Far East, makan at Magic Wok (pronounced Walk or Wookk?) Had Pad Thai, M had Thai Fried Rice, and we both had Lemon Chicken and Yu Tiao.. lepas tu balik..

later going to Marina.. with M of course :)

saw in Streats today, an ad from BMC abt Import & Export Documentation Course.. i'm hoping to join that. 15 hours ajer course tu! a bit the sekejap kan. $256. Kak Su going to ask if company's going to subsidise or something.. i hope they will.. or even better, pay the total amount :D

yesterday i realised that I reach up to M's shoulder. Does that make me short or him tall?

And the other day kita pergi Banquet and terserempak with Farah's sis kan.. and yesterday I was talking to Farah and she said her sis said my bf is very cute... *grins*

very random topics hari ni eh. i actually have nothing to say. I changed the look of my blog again... this time hopefully people will be able to read it. u know who u are.. hehehe...

another song i like: Hey Mama by Black Eyed Peas.

its 5.40pm now. shall surf the net a bit and then can balik already.

I think Pharrell Williams is sexy. Not cute, not handsome, but sexy. don't you all think so? ;)

.... Did i mention the other day me and M were on our way to East Coast and there was a traffic jam to go into East Coast, sekali Ria played Flop Poppy's "Jika Kau Bercinta Lagi".. and my initial decision to just remain silent and enjoy the song within my soul (*grins*) was aborted coz I lurrrrrved the song too much to not sing it. Sekali, so embarassingly, after the song, M said "wah, pandai u nyanyi eh." in that cute way he talks. hahah... malu seh. but the song too power.. i lurrrrrrve it so much.. almost as much as i love my b... heheh...

i just realised, since the day I met M the other time, the only time we didn't meet was when I went to KL. Other than that, everyday kita jumpa.. funky eh. Him going to NS is going to be more of an impact on me if I allow myself to get too used to this meeting up everyday.

go to Cheekfreak Forum page, there's this topic called "I Love You" and people were commenting on what's love and what is in love. :) good read. I agree with what Herbie & Robin said... and personally i believe (and people might not agree with me here) u can be in love with someone who you don't know for long.. I used to think there was such a thing as love at first sight, but now I know there's no such thing. But I still believe u can love, or be in love with, someone after tak lama kenal. *Speaking from experience* hahaha...

Josh Groban's songs makes me feel like crying, no matter what mood i am in before I listen to the song. it's very moving and touching and just uplifting or whatever... it touches the soul. (jiwang eh.. haha) tapi serious ah, lagu dia mcm feeling giler like that. and that voice, power i tell u.

What's Impt In Love and Life

quite a good article tau, so go read.

forgot to mention here that on friday night, i went to M's sis in law's house at Tampines to see the baby.. the baby's brother, who is 2 years plus, is soooo cute!

... and M is good with kids tau. :) i like. heh...

today wore the new shoes that aisya gave me.. and i got very bad blisters. as in, the skin at the back of my foot really peeled off, leaving this mess of pain. sakit giler, i felt like crying. so i had no choice but to push down the back of the shoes, kalau tak i cannot walk seh. i know that makes the shoe kinda spoilt, but i have no choice seh. so now i have a gazillion plasters on the wound (satu plaster not big enough for the wound tau) and i'm walking ard barefoot sampai nanti nak balik. i hope today tak balik lambat...

mama got pissed off with me this morning coz i wore new shoes and new bag and new watch to work. she said i shd try to save a bit of money and all that.. nanti kalau tak siapa yg nak bayar kereta. *sigh* I already set aside my whole bonus and a bit of my pay for the car... and i still have $500 leftover from last mth. and kalau betul2 nak budget, i have $150 to last me til end of the mth. not going to be that hard to budget myself i think.

im getting too used to having M around, i think. *smiles*

perhaps i might update again later. im veeery sleepy, and tonight i have to sleep at 1am pasal ada Grammy's and it's imperative that I watch.. haha.

just got back from watching Torque at TM. not a really good movie, but fun nonetheless coz i watched it with M *smiles*

overall, had a fun day, but it didn't start off in a good way. I nearly cried this morning due to frustration coz M and me had a stupid misunderstanding this morning, and I admit most of it was my fault, but I didn't want to admit it to him so we hung up the phone on really bad terms, and then he switched off his hp and when I called his house, his nephew said he wasn't home. didn't know what to do then.. asked my mom for adv.. and she said sms him...

... So i sms him, asked him to call me...

... and he did. (thanks mama :) and then we made plans to go out. i went to have lunch with my mom and aisya liza first at bugis, then i went home coz M will meet me at my hse. park moto dia kat bawah and then take the car. supposed to go Suntec (and actually we had so many other places to go. Bras Basah, Taka, etc) I reached home from bugis at 3, he reached here at 4, and my mom and liza were downstairs playing badminton then. then i saw his bike, terus i went downstairs. aisyah had her friends coming over.

sekali F and his younger bro pun tengah playing badminton downstairs. then we smiled at each other, then F-- tanya "eh hi... nak keluar ke?" and i said yup, and went to salam my mom and then went over to M's moto. then M said he has to salam my mom first and all... sweetness.

so anyhoo, kita pon naik kereta, and i wanted to go to office kejap to take the black skirt which i hadn't brought home since the other day (and im going to wear it tmrw with the shoes aisyah bought for me!) and my telekong to wash.. and so kita pon drive all the way to tg pagar. then we went to suntec. and i managed to park in btwn a car and a pillar ok! *bangga* 2 kali try, terus masuk. with the help of M of course, telling me which way to pull the steering wheel. not that he has a lesen tau... haha...

kita jalan2 at suntec, then to millenia, then kita decided to go East Coast Lagoon to his sis' shop.. kedai makan. sekali too many cars and we cdn't find any parking lots at all. then i told him why not kita send the car back and then take bus to tampines, and watch movie, coz my mom needed the car nak keluar for dinner. so kita pon balik, and pergi Eastpt to makan at banquet. saw farah's sis. and then we went to TM watched Torque. and then he sent me home, took his helmet from my hse, and he went to 139 to meet his friends while im on the net updating my journal.

*smiles*

panjang cerita coz im bored. haha..

anyhoo. saturday night dinner at Adang with big family - i got presents too!! *ultra happiness* im so going to be 21 every year from now on.. hehee...

i got...
- $50 voucher from Kino & ultra-prettiness Moshi Moshi bangle (Thanks kak ana & Bijal!!) [am trying to decide if i shd wear the bangle on an everyday basis or just for special occasions.. hmm?] .. and tks for the card u both, its really sweet. love the wordings. hehee :)
- my beloved parents gave me the cK watch i wanted soooooooo much!! *does a little jig* woooooohooooooooooooo!!
- bag & keypouch from fa.ra.sya
- tudung and make up pouch from didi.
- esprit brolly from mak ita. (thanks hapeeezoid. if u ever read this ok.. heh)

i feel so happy nowadays im so scared something's going to burst my bubble someday. i know you can't be happy forever, but right now i feel as if i just want to bottle up this feeling and drink it, or inhale it, or whatever it, when I feel the need for a rush of happiness.

i feel so blessed to have my parents, sisters and cousins, aunts, uncles, and Nenek, and M, and my work, the people at my workplace, and my friends, farah especially, and my car. Alhamdulillah, thank Allah swt so much for all these blessings and rezeki. *smiles happily*

wow, that was touching eh. i hope i haven't forgotten anyone. seriously tonight, i feel so happy and fulfilled and complete. i haven't felt like this in a long time, which makes it a big deal for me. so Alhamdulillah.

happy happy :)

i suddenly feel like getting rid of the clutter in my life.. and i started that process by making my pc wallpaper a plain black and my hp wallpaper a plain white. heh :)

M will start NS on 18 feb, wednesday. sooo fast eh.. that's like another 2 weeks tau. he got the notice last night.. and dia masuk army. haha.. im very happy he's going to the army, its much more cooler than going to CD.. in fact, its the coolest among the 3 (police/cd/army), and im glad. *laughs*

and he wants me to send him sekali with his parents on the 18th. personally honestly actually i dont mind sending him on that day (altho i got to go back with just his parents - the thought is petrifying!) tapi entah lah, tengok dulu.

yesterday went out with farah... and it was fun of course. going out to makan with that girl will always be fun :) we went to ah beng's, and I had chicken rice, she had chilli fried rice, and then we ordered fried baby squids and $20 worth of chilli crab. seeeedap seh the chilli crab. the sauce was sooo thick and yummylicious. (funky how i could finish the chicken rice and loads of crab with farah, tapi kalau dgn M makan nasi sepinggan tak boleh habis. hahaha..)

anyhoo, smlm kita duduk makan for 2 hours, from 7til 9. didn't go back to Tampines dgn M, pasal he went to play pool with his friends at town... but when i dah habis makan with farah, he met me at tm mrt to send me home. sweets eh.. i like. hehehe :)

farah's zzou masuk police on 16 march.


fave song at the moment.. heh..


M just called, told me his last day might be on thursday... so friday dia boleh gi pray at Gufran. hehee... i like this guy tau, he's just so funny and cute in his own way. smlm farah nampak dia, and she was like, "kalau aku nampak dia kat luar, i would think dia budak cina." then this B was shy, and only look at farah and smiled2 ajer. cuteness. :)

thanks to farah for what she said yesterday abt her relationship with zzou. made me feel all happy and nice, and i love her for saying what she said. :)
cant wait for next friday to meet up with maria! miss her so much!! gayness. haha..

yeah yeah im a mature 21 yr old now :)

i didn't do anything outstanding on my b'day.. but without sounding jiwang, it really was one of the best days of my life. got to spend one whole day with M... so yeah all's good.*smiles*

Met him at 10.30am, and we went to the Proton workshop, sent the car for servicing, went to Jurong Pt to makan, and then walked ard JP, then back to Proton to collect the car... and went to fetch Aisya from school, then went to Kallang McDonalds, and then we went back, he came upstairs, met my mom for the first time... and we hung around the house, watched tv and all.

At 4.30pm we accompanied my mom to Ba'Alwi mosque... and then this sweet b went to pray without me saying anything tau (so different from dulu with other guys eh) and then we met the Pak Habib, and then we sent my mom home, and we drove to Changi Village to makan. And then, when we were under the block already, we decided to go drive to Frankel to look at this house i fell in love with when i was in sec 4... haha...

and then we went to fetch my parents and sisters and went to Changi Airport Swensen's... and M was so nervous (to make things worst, he had to sit in front of my dad so terus dia tak jadi makan out of nervousness) My dad asked him questions and all... cracked his usual corny jokes... and things were good. Then we went home, where his bike was under my block, and then my parents went upstairs while i stayed to talk with him for a while and then i went back home.

So its all normal mundane stuff.... but what made me so happy and what made the day so special was that he asked me to be his gf. *giggle

all's good... therefore 'ok' at the end of the day :)

and now, today, 5th feb, tonz's birthday, i still am a happy 21 yr old girl. *grins* perhaps its too early to say im in love? i dunno man... i know i love being with him, i love spending time with him, going to work with him, and when he drops off at City Hall, i love that he's so predictable he'll send an sms straight away, and more sms and calls during the day... and then we meet up to go back together.. and then the calls at night. life's good at the moment for me and i love it being this way, hehee..

and for those who doesn't like jiwangness, please skip the next paragraph. coz its quite annoyingly sweeteningly jiwang...

yesterday he said this other sweet thing that made me think that he's seriously the sweetest person in the whole universe. he loves being with me so much that he wants to marry me.. *giggles*... and then he said sekarang hantaran around $7k kan... so he said he sanggup jual moto sekarang and then save for the next 3 to 4 months and then we shall get married. i dunno if he meant it jokingly or whatever but i seriously was so positively blown away by what he said.. haha... now u see why im so falling for this guy.. hehehe...

ok back to normal stuff. i got sweet birthday wishes from so many people, much better than last year's birthday when it was spent in gloom and doom due to what happened. *laughs* and i even got an anonymous one from +88888 which means that someone sent it on Singtel's website... and that person didn't sign off... just a "happy 21st birthday to you.. may all your wishes come true and may u be happy always." funky kan, siapa seh yg hantar.

kl trip was quite ok... me and aisyah spent the first night (saturday) at starbucks being reluctant passive smokers and drinking caramel cream and ice latte. aisyah was reading her morrie book, and i was on the phone with M... (oh btw, Marriott at kl is soooo gorgeous. best seh) 2nd night, i fell asleep at 11 and woke up at 12 (then cannot tido, takut sendiri coz i was the only one awake) and me and M start smsing all the way til 3am... next day went to masjid putra at putrajaya.... Masha'Allah, cantik betul the masjid! they did it something like Masjidil Haram, tempat wudhu downstairs, and big empty areas and i love that it's on top of water and all that.... cantik betul. sungguh.com.kl.my as M would say... haha...

i didn't get any island shop stuff.. instead i got :

- a skirt (which im wearing today) and its from metrojaya of all places...
- a white top at Giordano klcc...
- a topman tshirt for M (real cool tau, but i think i got the wrong size ah.. and i tell u, the salespeople there at topman klcc is so friggin rude. Rude with a capital C, as cher would say in stuck on you.... funny seh cerita tu. but seriously, the rudeness is appalling.)
- presents for daya & tonz, both from roxy.
- hooded sweater from esprit for liza.
- 2 bags and one for kak su.
- i can't remember what else.

i told M i bought 2 bags... and he said buat apa beli banyak2... (coz i counted my bag the other day and i have 8 bags at home.) and he said "bag 8, sejadah satu. bagus eh." so i said i dont have that kind of bag and trying to explain myself.. haha... cuteness la he.

his sis-in-law gave birth yesterday (4 feb) to a baby girl at kk... Trisya nama dia. M been asking me to meet his bro and sis-in-law. his sis-in-law saw my pic already on his hp... but i dont think his bro has. and he's very rapat to this bro i think... and so he asked me to go with him... but i'm malu giler lah. plus im so not the kind of person to meet family members and all that seh... i dunno how to tell him that without him getting negative.

kak su just gave me money for my birthday seh!! im so touched!! and kak su, if u're reading this, thanks soooo much! you're the sweetest lah beb :) the thought is sooo nice already and im sooo touched and happy seh, thank you thank you thank you. sweet ah :)

anyhooo... what else to say eh? im meeting farah later for dinner. and next week friday meeting maria and muzzy sekali... smlm ikut M buat specs kat kai ju, and its dah siap already, but we collecting tmrw night. he chose this funky specs which i didn't like altho its quite unique. so cute. :)

funky monkey.