I'm being so pathetic counting down til 12pm.. I'm meeting Farah for lunch at Mcdonalds for their curly fries which I been wanting since Friday. Saturday we went to look for it but the Mcdonalds near Mazreen's camp didn't have it (!! what the hell kan!) and yesterday he wanted to buy for me but I was mega pissed off with him so I didn't want, which is stupid coz I feel like a pregnant woman who's craving for something. sigh.

I didn't get sandals the other day at JB. somehow they didn't look nice. M commented, benda kalau dah tak cantik, you tengok lama2 pon benda tu tak akan jadi cantik.. heh. So I didn't get anything from there. We just went supermarket shopping a bit for my house and his, and ate at Singgah Selalu. Had ikan pari bakar, ketam black pepper, baby squid and 10 sticks satay. Nasi goreng for him and white rice for me. We didn't manage to finish the food.. other then the crab which I ate alone.

I had a bad day on saturday driving coz suddenly all drivers were stupidly hogging the road, or not driving well. It didn't help that he slept while on the way to JB.. I was singing Kci & Jojo out loud and he still snored happily. bingit betul. Then at Wdlands checkpoint I parked the car at the side while I went to pee, sekali got this abang2 police who as always, suka aksyen that they are so powerful, (other than Zizou la ok) He told M he can fine us for parking there etc.. kurang ajar betol.

I can't stand these abang2 police.

Went bakul-shopping with Pag and my mom yesterday. I had flu so I was pissed off with the world but no one understood that. tsk.

its only 11.30am.

The last 2 posts made me sound like one mean person eh. I'm not tau, I'm basically a mild person, I don't do anger, I just get pissed off really bad and easily but even when I'm pissed off I don't usually call people names. See what idiots like that has made me done... stoop to their level like that. tsk.

anyway, on to more good stuff. Met Mazreen after work last night at Tampines MRT stn, and we went to Raffles Medical at sogo there coz my tonsils medicine dah habis. Punyerlah lama nak jumpa dr... when I reached there it was no 99, and my no was 107. But the doctor was nice, as all raffles (and hospital) drs are.

Joined my family for dinner after that at Changi Village. Mazreen still turns red whenever my dad talks to him. And my dad was only asking him if he wanted to bring food back to camp.. and he turned red and almost stammered his answer. Dinner was as usual fun whenever he's around.. and very embarassing when water dripped from my mouth mcm waterfall right when I was facing him. He had this shocked look on his face and then he laughed and I wanted to laugh too coz it was so kelakar but I had water in my mouth and he had to get tissues for me. merepekness la.

going JB today to get his moto stuff and I want to buy shoes and a bag from city square but it's raining now at tg pagar and I hate driving when it's raining. I sooo want those curly fries from McDonalds - i been wanting it since last night - so we going to have on the way to JB later.

From now on I'm going to bring around a bottle of plain water wherever I go. And at work, atleast 3 bottles a day. Azam tahun baru. Haha.

Ok, somehow azam reminds me of Norazam my Masak Apa crush and that somehow reminds me of Brad Pitt which reminds me that I read on msn.com that he and Jennifer Aniston are separating. I told Mazreen that Brad Pitt called me last night ask me to get with him but I had to reject him coz I'm getting engaged so too bad Brad, but Mazreen pulak kata actually he's been going out with Jenn for quite some time. aper sajer.

one more hour to 1pm. I want to go home, rest a bit for an hour and then go JB! I can't wait! It's been months since we last been together just the 2 of us. finally I can spend endless hours at Vincci, my ultra favourite budget shoe shop. Haha.

--

aku pissed off (again) by someone who makes me pissed off everytime she talks. cara dia suka orang is by bangsa and kecantikan and sekarang dia tengah membising2. bingit aku.

"Mari kita berfikir secara logik - ibu bapa yg membesarkan kita selama 20an tahun, adakah dengan begitu mudah mereka percayakan seseorang lelaki / wanita lain di luar keluarganya untuk terus menjaga kita sehingga akhir hayat? Untuk diri kita juga, adakah kita bersedia untuk menjaga / membentuk / mendidik sebuah keluarga dengan pasangan masing2, yg kita hanya kenali hanya beberapa hari, minggu, bulan, tahun?

Cabaran dan dugaan komperm akan menguji kita sebagai pasangan suami isteri. Sekecil mana sehingga sebesar mana pun kita perlu bersedia mengharunginya bersama. Jika kita lemah dan tidak yakin dengan setiap keputusannya, perbuatannya, kerana berfikiran negatif dan pesimistik setiap masa, lama-kelamaan, pasangan kita juga akan hilang keyakinan terhadap diri kita.

If we had been consistently reassuring and realise our partners' role in the relationship well before marriage; and both of us know why we got married to each other, not juz for love; but for the practical side of it too.. Insya Allah, we dont even have time to think of the worst to happen - because we have faith in HIM.

I got that off a forum thread at pkh.com. The original question was whether we have enough self-confidence to get married. Do you? Does anyone? Another person answered, what if we have confidence in ourselves, but not in our partner? That made me think, if we aren't confident with our partner, why marry him? Why choose him kan?

For me, honestly, I am confident abt M. But I'm not with myself. Chatted with my colleagues just now and they asked if I knew how to cook, etc.

I don't. I intend to only start learning after marriage. And it doesn't really make sense coz M knows how to cook.. and I don't. tsk. I don't do household chores at home, I can't even angkat the gala luar tingkap when it's lined with clothes, that's how weak I am.

sigh.

but other than household stuff, I am confident I can make him happy (if I stop my nonsense haha)

--

And to you who said that engagements are only to trap guys so they don't stray... that only happens if the girl was the one who bugs the guy to get engaged. If it's the guy who brought up the idea first, then it's because he loves her, u idiot. Not that you would know because you are too busy blaming the world for what's wrong with yourself, and because your own supposed-bf thinks so badly of you that he doesn't even want to marry you. So don't say Malays are so stupid for wanting to marry young, when you yourself know deep inside that if you had the chance, you would want the same thing.

Now we know who's the one with no life that she has to tell people about my matrimonial 'forays' and then have a good gossip sesion about that with someone who should instead be a girl for all his girlish gossipy behaviour and two-faced personality. If she only knew what is said behind her back by that supposed good friend..

I'm not bitter you both are friends - korang dua mati pon aku tak kisah - (and frankly you both are made for each other) tapi you do not talk my matrimonial future like that, you bitch. You envy me, and you know that, because your own supposed-bf don't give a damn abt you at all. whereas I hve a bf who my family adores, a family who loves me and won't backstab me, a job that pays me well so I can afford my own car.

but i wdn't want to reveal too much here. Some people want their share of this hurling-abuse thing (go beb, I'm supporting you. hehe) so I shall stop here.

just stop being so ya-ya. I know I'll get my punishment from Allah swt for my wrong-doings.. you'll get it too sayang.









korang dua bongok dan bahlol kena lah buat each other. mcm pinang dibelah dua.

From Shahida's blog:
To those getting engaged/married, all the best with the new chapter in your lives.. Things are definitely going to change now.. Be strong in overcoming the many challenges and obstacles to come.. May you find peace and lotsa loving in this new chapter.. Remember to invite me to your reception.. Hehe..

I joined Perkahwinan.com yesterday after reading about it in a random blog. Hehe. I feel kental, and when I told Mazreen last night, he smiled, said I'm so cute. Hahah. The forum pages are not just about weddings u see, it has about pertunangan, and even relationship problems and such. Only thing is it's in Malay so I'm having trouble converting what I want to say to understandable / type-able Malay.

My nick in there is mazda113. I think I give crap advice, but any adv is btter than none, I think. Haha.

[[ Josh Groban's song "To Where You Are" on class 95 now! I love this song so much I tell u! ]]

I went to another site I always go to, CF just now and was shocked to see my name as the title of the thread. So I read and it turns out that one of the regulars in there thought I was affected by the tsunami and asked if I am ok. I was so touched seh. Haha.

I read the past few days' news papers last night.. and teared when I saw the orphans' pictures. One of my life goals' - as kental as that sounds - is to open a home for orphans in third world countries. First place I would open would be at India coz something about their kids just moves me so much. (but sigh. I got no money. Berangan ajer pandai.)

And yesterday's ST, about the Indian construction worker whose wife and kids are all fine, but they lost their homes. And how he very badly wants to go back and tell his wife that everything's going to be alright. Sedih kan. If I'm his boss or a tycoon I would give him $1000, maybe $2000, for his flight home.. (Flight to India costs $500 on SIA) Kesian la.

sigh.

--

btw. Mazreen is the cutest person on earth.

the email 'debate' below was btwn me and Farah yesterday, after which she got annoyed, called me up and started arguing her point... then when she was tired (or gave up, heh) she abruptly changed the topic. oh, and she did say she was going to ask the organisers to call me. haha. that's funny.

I've arranged it nicely for anyone who's interested to read. And if anyone has any opinions on what me and farah debated about, feel free to tag / email me.

[[ debate starts here ]]

-----Original Message-----
From: Siti Nurfarah
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 11:52 AM
To: Shida
Subject: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day


btw, I'm picking up the golden ribbon..anyone wants me to pick it up for u?

Dear Friends,

The International Childhood Cancer Day (ICCD) was declared by the International Confederation of Childhood Cancer Parent Organisations (ICCCPO) in Luxemburg in September 2001. The objectives of the International Childhood Cancer Day (ICCD) are to educate the public about childhood cancer and to support local fund-raising by member nations.

To mark this special day, the Children's Cancer Foundation would like to involve as many Singaporeans as possible to participate in their Gold Ribbon Campaign which will run from end December 2004 to end February 2005.

I'll be helping to distribute these Gold Ribbon Pins so drop me a note if you would like to show your solidarity by wearing the Gold Ribbon Pin on 15 February 2005, the actual day of ICCD and submitting your pledge online on http://www.ccf.org.sg/iccd/makeApledge.html

For those who wants to make a donation, you can do so at http://www.ccf.org.sg/sponsors_donors/how_to_help.html

Please help spread the word around.
Thanks all.

cheers,
(Farah's colleague's name)

-----Original Message-----
From: Shida
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 11:52 AM
To: Siti Nurfarah
Subject: RE: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day


this might be a stupid question, but what are we supposed to do with the ribbons? wear them?


-----Original Message-----
From: Siti Nurfarah
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 11:56 AM
To: Shida
Subject: RE: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day

yah yah...its like the breast cancer kinda pin..

-----Original Message-----
From: Shida
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 12:14 PM
To: Siti Nurfarah
Subject: RE: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day


i dont mean to make ur life difficult, haha, but i've never understood why people wear such ribbons... unless they are selling those ribbons of course, which means they get to do a bit of fund-raising... but if they are just giving away those ribbons for people to wear on ONE day then what's the point kan? on that day they remember that (lets say its the breast cancer one) they supposed to eat healthily etc, then other days they dont wear the ribbons, what if they revert back to their old eating habits?

or for this child cancer thing, how is wearing a ribbon supporting child cancer? they shd make people donate money instead for the ribbon, rather than just asking them to wear the ribbon... something like a charity gala dinner where it costs $10,000 for one table and all those poshy people pay just to be part of the 'in' crowd (tai-tais and such) and CLAIMing that they support these charities but atually they spend more money on their dresses and hair getting ready for the event than on the table itself (refer to newpaper a few mths back)... but of course make it on a much smaller scale, like pay $10 and then you get to wear this ribbon but of course its for the treatment of those kids lah right... hopefully the gold-ribbon-makers aren't stupid and use the money for making more ribbons... hahaha... but of course why would people pay just for a ribbon... unless they really keep in mind that its not about the ribbon, but instead for the kids' treatment... then why a ribbon? might as well dont waste time and just give them a length ofcloth and tell them to hang anywhere right...

last point - rather then these people waste time and money to make ribbons, why not donate the cost of making those ribbons (those ribbony cloth cost money what right) to the charity instead of wasting time MAKING ribbons for people to wear for ONE day??

i prefer singtel's way of raising money last time... they put those heart stuff in newspapers and asked people to MAKE those hearts themselves and just put inside their mailing boxes and singtel will donate a dollar for every heart received... it makes people make an effort to DO something rather than just wearing something and at the same time, singtel who has loads of money will have to pay for it...

ok aku stressed coz i dont think anyone understands the point im trying to make but i just wanted to vent, partly bcoz of boredom also... haha...thank you.

-----Original Message-----
From: Siti Nurfarah
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 2:38 PM
To: Shida
Subject: RE: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day


dear dear...there is a charity funding thing also..u can donate money..and this is done to commemorate the day, just like some pple light up candles for world aids day or what ever. if u want to donate, go ahead. its just something they do for generations. and now, it has reached sg. if u dun see a need to wear it then dont...not that they paksa..just want to create awareness on the cause...u see, sometimes, its not all abt money. sometimes, its all about creating an awareness tt such a thing is being done in sg..money aint everything babe..

-----Original Message-----
From: Shida
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 2:50 PM
To: 'Siti Nurfarah'
Subject: RE: Make a Pledge - International Childhood Cancer Day


true money isn't everything... but in the case of child cancer, where its hereditary or something genetically wrong, there isn't anything that can be done about it other than of course prayers to God for a healthy child... u get what i mean tak? to create awareness for child cancer?? i mean, people ARE aware children get cancer already, now they should instead be aware of how much treatment costs. breast cancer, i can understand creating awareness about it, because it's something that can be prevented (they should do a ribbon day for colon stuff also because it is something that can be prevented) but we can't prevent childhood cancer can we...

and yes i know you can just donate money, but in the first place why waste money making ribbons... i find the idea of wearing a ribbon for A day to create awareness for soemthing quite funky actually... and nowadays there are so many ribbons being passed around, how do we know the ribbon the person is wearing signifies what? i dont they dont paksa me to wear it but im bothered by the fact that they deem it worthy to wear a ribbon just to show yr solidarity... and no they havent been doing it for generations, it only started with that pink ribbon by that cosmetics brand for breast cancer and now other organisations are doing the same but too many ribbon colours in this world confuses the world and so the effect of creating awareness for it is no longer there!

and so lets say now people are aware about childhood cancer, they wear the ribbon, but what is done after that?

(ok i know i soundlike nak cari gaduh here but im not. i havent debated for a long time thats all. hahha)

[[ debate ends here coz Farah called instead to continue ]]

--

any comments anyone?

i feel for blogging this morning so I might be talking crap coz I dont really have anything to talk about but nvm ok bear with me, or u can go to Tickle.com for some other ways to relieve boredom.

class 95 played that 'how bizarre' song that was very popular in the early 90's or something. i like how the singer goes 'how bizarre, how bizarre' in this ultra sengau voice which macam a bit out of place like that.

i feel like I have a lot of anger in me nowadays. maybe because i'm not getting my way in a lot of things.. and i've always been a spoilt brat and demand things my way or I'll get so pissed off and lose my mind. Yesterday I totally lost it, argued with Mazreen at Tampines Interchange of all places in the whole wide world. I hate it when I make a serious point, but Mazreen wants to lighten things up, so he tries to make me laugh, coz it makes me feel like he is not taking me seriously.

My mom, without really consulting me, went ahead to book the space for the tables. I'm pissed off about that of course, but Mazreen thinks it's ok, let my parents do whatever they want since I'm the first child and all that. It doesn't make sense to me.

(ok actually honestly I can sort of see why they had to do that - my dad's family ajer dah so ramai orang. but still!)

so what I'm doing is just to concentrate on the stuff that I have to do, like my dulangs and... well, just that. Like I've said, I'm hopeless at creativity.. and although I have this image of how I want the watch to be presented, I have got no idea how to do it. Hahaha. I feel so pathetic suddenly.

oh well. to continue the story, from Tampines Interchange, we moved on to blk 151 and continued our argument. Not really argue la, more of exchanging of points in a very heated way. Haha. His cuteness melts me.. but I tried hard to remain frozen (man, what a kental way of putting it. hah) and after all that, I got hungry so I decided to stop being stupid and we decided to get dinner at kfc. he sent me home and life was good again. until at night we talked on the phone and I decided to start arguing again and we hung up and argument continued on thru sms til he just ignored my sms and I fell asleep. This morning he called and was nice to me so all's good...

.. til the next argument. whawhahwa.

ok that was a very detailed story abt my life last night.

I have these quotes on my desk at work which I got off the net..

- We are confined in our understanding of other human beings by what we know about ourselves.

- One forgives to the degree one loves (La Rochefaucould)

- I want to hurt you with a hail of indifference (Alfian Saat)



I really like the first one. Everytime I get pissed off with M, I try to remember that and I calm down a little bit. (Keywords: Little bit. hehe)

I slept so comfortably last night despite the arguments. Despite the fact that he didn't call like he usually does after we argue, to wish me goodnight. Perhaps he was waiting for me to call instead to wish him goodnight... but too bad I didn't think of that last night. It was so cold last night I wore those tracksuit pants, tshirt, sweater and socks to sleep, and this morning I had a strange feeling that I was a baby. Is that weird or what! Seriously, I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind (other than, I hope Mazreen sms me) was aah, I feel like a 3 month old baby who's all bundled up to sleep. And after that thought I felt kinda stupid coz I'm so tua already nak feeling mcm baby. what the hell kan. Something is wrong with me ah. I need Prozac. Do you know that 6 million adults in USA is using Prozac? (or is it 6 million adults in the world? I forgot)

no actually I don't need prozac. I just need a brain sometimes. and a temper controller. I talk without thinking sometimes - nasib baik M is a slack-relak person (helps that he's deaf too) so he doesn't really get upset that much at what I say.

im talking too much crap. so i shall stop now (i think i might start another post in the afternoon. this is what boredom does to you, you see) and delete my anger-filled email to M in his inbox last night.

oh anyway. the train this morning had some problems in the tunnel starting from bugis til raffles and I was nearly dying coz I have this claustrophobic-ish feeling and I started imagining that the train behind my train won't get the signals that my train has stopped, so they might just speed ahead in the darkness and hit my train.

woah this is one long post of nonsense i think.

woohoo, class 95 played charles & eddie's "would i lie" just now! that is my happy song, if it makes any sense. the "oh yeah!" in the lyrics and the whole song just fills me up with positivity and happiness and u all should go listen to it :)

--

have been sms-ing friends asking them to come on the 29th. it all started when Lydia called this morning for a chat, asking how's the preparations and saying she took leave, and i realised i haven't told her abt the change of dates. so nasib baik she could change and take leave on the 29th, and on the 28th pon she took leave, sweet person that she is. dia kata nak datang on the 28th malam to help make dulangs - so hopefully she's good at it coz im hopeless at creativity. haha.

... so i've invited those I wanted to invite. im not really thinking of this as an tunang day invite though, I'm more thinking of it as just makan2 and meet up since there's food and all and I haven't met anyone for ages so it'll be a good time to see them.

=)

--

Maria got chickenpox! whahhawhwa. Farah said she's a late bloomer, coz me and farah got it in sec 1. haha.

Maria told Farah she has bubbles on her face. hahaha. that is funny ok.

so one of these days we shall head down to her house and watch vcds with her. mcm kelakar like that, dah tua dapat chicken pox.

yesterday was a good day. started off very bad though, I had arguments with basically everyone on earth - from my parents to M. that's only 3 people la actually but because they are family and bf, they form the whole world for me. plus my sisters too. but anyways. i was pissed off bcoz I cdn't have my way at all and I turn into a bitch when I can't get my way so yeah I turned into a btich yesterday.

but turns out that i asked for pucuk, sekali dapat ulam seh. (there's a peribahasa that goes that way kan? M taught me but i forgot whats the actual phrase, hehe) As I was storming out to the car (on the way out with my family when I was supposed to be out with M) my mom who I argued with earlier, asked Aisyah to call Mazreen and ask him to follow us but don't tell me. So while I was smsing M all these angry stuff, he was actually siaping to follow us. hehe. I was so surprised when my mom drove into Mazreen's carpark tapi of course I had my pride and didn't want to be the first to talk, I asked Aisyah instead why we going to Mazreen's place? (by then dah smiling2 alrady. hehe)

then Mazreen told me the whole story. so sweet la my family.

and then we went to Parkway, had lunch, shopped around, then went to Joo Chiat to get the dulangs and whatevers, and then to Mustaffa and Mazreen fell for a watch there so we bought it and then met Pag and Nenek and all and then we went to Simpang Bedok to makan and terserempak with Farid and his brothers pulak. after that went home.

sungguh fun, and i was full from the Ulam, thank you very much.